hazelcallahans-gf

Latest Posts by hazelcallahans-gf

BOB'S BURGERS 3.18 — It Snakes a Village

Im a fempath it’s like empath but i only care about women

#She literally gave him war flashbacks 😭

is donna properly aware that the doctor doesn't always regenerate into david tennant or

i watched bottoms again ugh it's so good i love you emma seligman

Reblog to have the most homoerotic year of your life 2024

when- when Hazel- when Hazel-

okay Hazel in general, but when she said “oh now you need a bomb” with the- WITH THE SMIRK-

i cant believe this was hazel after killing like 3 or 4 people maybe more like she’s having the time of her life

PSA: If you’re planning on posting smut for Niki the day of his birthday go ahead and block me, unmoot me, etc. I do not and refuse to accept y’all thinking that’s a normal thing to do.

my christmas list !

a girlfriend

hazel callahan

to not be single

ruby cruz

thats all.

I love how muppets walk I wish I could walk like that

hazel callahan being the reason i realised i’m a lesbian is honestly gayer than me being gay

no thoughts just hazel callahan

gf! hazel who is literally perfect in every way. not only is she the most beautiful person but she is also the most kind considerate and caring person. she would love taking care of you in any way possible and anytime you do the same for her all she thinks about is how lucky she is and how she should be doing more.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH CAN YOU TELL LMAO

Pretend To Be Nice | Chapter One

 next chapter | masterlist 

Chapter One: Bowling Alleys and Balding Men

Summary: A few months after forming their band "The Pussycats", Hazel and her friends PJ and Josie get noticed by a record label, and are quickly skyrocketed into fame. It's a dream come true for them, and all three of their lives are flipped upside down. Their quick arrival on the scene quickly draws the attention of many other artists and bands, including a popular girl band called "Nymphology". Unfortunately for Hazel, a mix-up and unintentional awful encounter ends up creating tension between the two groups right before they all leave for Nymphology's upcoming tour. Now forced to frequently interact with someone who she was convinced couldn't stand her, Hazel is desperately trying to fix things with the band's lead guitarist. However it doesn't help that Y/N is actively avoiding Hazel as much as possible, and the fact that Hazel found her insanely hot definitely didn't make things any easier.

Warnings: angst, rockstar au, eventual smut, slowburn, swearing, occasional alcohol mentions/use

Word Count: 2450

Hazel had always joked about starting a band one day and blowing up and getting super famous. When she was little, and her parents were still together, she used to dress up like Freddy Mercury and perform one-woman concerts of her favorite queen songs for her parents. Sure, third grade Hazel was definitely way off pitch, but after the third night in a row of being forced to sit through her completely butchering the high notes in Bohemian Rhapsody, Hazel’s parents quickly enrolled her in voice lessons. 

For Halloween during the fourth grade she went as Paul Simmons from Kiss. Most of the girls came as fairies or princesses, even a few witches, but not Hazel. She showed up to class with a shit eating grin on her face, waving at people as she passed by as they stared, smiling to herself about how cool people must think she looks. However, apparently people were less impressed than she thought, as during lunch a few of the girls from her class came up to her, giggling to themselves as they approached. 

One of them had asked why she looked so weird, and Hazel, assuming they wanted to know more about the band Kiss, began rambling about the band and her costume, eager to talk about her current obsession. They invited her to play with them during lunch, and even let her reenact songs and clips she had seen of the band from concert videos on YouTube, which she was more than happy to perform, as she had thought she was making friends, and they were genuinely interested in the band. 

However, later that day while waiting to get picked up, she learned that wasn’t the case, as she overheard the girls from lunch laughing with each other as they all made fun of Hazel, unaware she had been listening. Needless to say, Hazel didn’t go trick or treating that year.

In an attempt to make her feel better, a few days later her parents offered to sign her up for guitar lessons, which she quickly agreed to, convinced this was finally the start of her path to becoming a rockstar. She figured it would be easy, and once she became a master at guitar everyone would obviously want to be her friend. After all, who didn’t want to be friends with a super rich and famous rock star? Unfortunately, apparently it is much harder to learn the guitar than it seemed, and was much harder than the songs she would play on Guitar Hero afterschool, so she quit guitar lessons. 

She decided she would put her efforts into something easier, and also way cooler, and that year for Christmas her dad bought her a drum set, and she started learning how to play the drums. Turns out it’s way more fun to learn to play an instrument when your tiny elementary-schooler fingers aren’t in almost constant pain, and you get to hit stuff with sticks and make a lot of noise.

As the years went by she got better and better at the drums, meanwhile, her parents' marriage got worse and worse. Turns out aggressively whacking your drumsticks while you drown out your thoughts by playing the drums is a very good way to deal with all the negative emotions surrounding your parents’ divorce. 

In high school she met PJ and Josie, and for the first time in years, she felt like she actually had friends. Sure, maybe Josie and PJ hung out a lot more than the three of them did, and PJ always sort of changed topics whenever Hazel brought up cool facts she found out space and NASA, and maybe she’d groan everytime Hazel mentioned Orcas, especially during the period where Orcas were frequently attacking and sinking yachts, but Hazel didn’t mind. That’s just what friends do. 

She had brought up starting a band a few times, as she knew Josie could play the guitar, (How she handled the near constant feeling of sore fingertips and the sound of your nails scratching the metal strings the wrong way was beyond Hazel, but that’s besides the point) but every time she mentioned it would be cool or fun, Josie just said she’d be too scared, and PJ said it was lame.

So imagine Hazel’s surprise when PJ comes bursting into Hazel’s dorm one day during their sophomore year of college saying they all needed to start a band. Hazel was immediately onboard, though very confused as PJ had always said it was lame when Hazel brought it up, and initially Josie was against it, as she had stage fright, but PJ wouldn’t shut up about it, swearing up and down that if they started a band chicks would be lining up just to make eye contact with them, eventually wearing Josie down and getting her to say yes.

Hazel, of course, was the drummer, Josie played the guitar, and PJ, well, for a while PJ couldn’t decide what to do besides sing, and was totally against Hazel’s idea of playing the cowbell, claiming it was “dumb” and that “no girl looks at someone playing the cowbell and gets turned on.” Josie eventually got PJ to play the tambourine though, since PJ had awful stage presence, so she needed at least something to do while singing to distract from the fact that she had no clue how to perform on a stage. Hazel had tried giving her tips a few times, but PJ never accepted the help.

This led them to their current situation, as Hazel had pulled a few strings and got her classmate who worked at a local bowling alley to convince the manager to let Hazel and her friends play gigs once or twice a week there. PJ was convinced they were going to blow up and become super famous, but they had been playing at the bowling alley for a few months now, and the only thing that seemed to be “blowing up” was the bathroom during the occasional kids birthday parties that were thrown there. Maybe they’d have at least somewhat of a following if their band had a name of some kind, (PJ swore the right name would find them when the time was right, but that had yet to happen), or if the manager let them play during special event nights, when there were actually teenagers and young adults here, but alas, they were stuck with no name, no label, and playing on a cramped stage in a shitty bowling alley while middle-aged men met for their bowling team practice and complained about their wives.

“Hey guys, not to be like a buzzkill, but I don’t think the bowling alley is the best place to do gigs.” Hazel says as she stuffs her drum sticks into her bag.

“Yeah, I think Hazel’s right. I don’t think middle-aged men who are slowly balding at their weekly bowling team meetups are a great audience.” Josie says as she zips up the bag to her guitar case.

“What are you talking about? They love us! I literally saw Steve nodding his head to one of our songs earlier!” PJ says defensively as she scoffs and gestures to where the bowling team was sitting earlier.

“He wasn’t bobbing his head, he was drunk! He almost ate shit every time it was his turn to bowl!” Josie says as she rolls her eyes.

“Wait, seriously? How does that even work?” Hazel asks as she gives Josie a confused look from where she was sitting behind the drums.

“No, not seriously, Hazel! It’s a figure of speech!” PJ says as she rolls her eyes in annoyment.

“But you said-” Hazel says as she looks over at Josie with confusion.

“I meant he kept tripping and almost falling down. You know, like when someone falls on their face or something, people say they ate shit?” Josie says as she sighs as she cuts Hazel off and explains what she meant.

“Oooh. Yeah that makes more sense, you should’ve just said that.” Hazel says as she tilts her head back a bit in realization.

“Oh my god.” PJ says with an annoyed expression on her face. “Would you guys just trust me! We are going to get noticed! I swear! Maybe not… today… or super soon… But it will happen! There’s no way it won’t! And when we do, we’re going to get super rich, and super famous, and there’s going to be girls lining the block to see us, and everyone is going to wish they were us! I’m serious!” She says as she waves her arms around dramatically as she talks.

“PJ, that’s not going to happen! Stop lying to yourself! We are playing shitty gigs on shitty days of the week at a shitty bowling alley! We’re not going to get noticed! All this is doing is tanking my English grade because I’m practicing for these stupid gigs instead of writing my essays! It’s one thing if I was getting a C because people actually enjoyed and listened to our music, but the only people who are listening to us right now are a bunch of men who are going through midlife crises and give us weird looks! If I have to listen to them talk about Jimmy Buffet one more time I am going to lose my mind, PJ!” Josie says as she hoists the guitar case over her shoulder, clearly stressed out and looking a bit frazzled at the moment.

“Okay, I don’t think-” PJ starts to say, before Josie cuts her off.

“PJ, please! I can’t keep playing at bowling alleys!” Josie cries out dramatically.

“If you guys want I can reach out to my mom or something and see if-” Hazel starts to say, trying to suggest a way they might be able to play at places other than the bowling alley.

“No!” Both PJ and Josie snap at Hazel before turning back and continuing to argue with each other, causing her to wilt back in her seat a bit at the outburst.

“Okay, you know what? Fine! You win Josie! We’ll stop playing here, and we’ll figure out a name, or just stop the band all together and we’ll all die sad, miserable, lonely deaths!” PJ says as she snaps back at Josie. As they continue to argue, Hazel’s phone buzzes in her pocket, and she pulls it out to see a text from one of her classmates.

—

Emma (Calculus)

Hey! Random question, but you’re in a band, right?

—

That’s ironic. Hazel thinks to herself as she reads her classmates text and glances at PJ and Josie, who were still arguing, and looks back at her phone as she responds.

—

Hazel

Yeah! We just finished a gig! :)

—

Emma (Calculus)

Oh cool!

Are you guys free this Friday?

My brother’s throwing a party but the band he was going to have play canceled, would you guys be interested in playing? 

You don't have to be good lol, everyone will probably be super drunk anyways, he just likes live bands.

—

Hazel’s eyes go wide as she reads the text messages, blinking a few times in disbelief before looking up at PJ and Josie, who were still bickering with one another. “Guys, guys!” Hazel calls out as she tries to get their attention. “Guys, would you shut up and listen to me?” Hazel yells as she rolls her eyes, finally getting their attention.

“What do you want now, Hazel?” PJ asks as she looks at Hazel with an annoyed expression.

“I found us a gig! It’s this friday! This girl in my calculus class said her brother is throwing a party, and asked if we wanted to play!” Hazel says with an excited grin as she holds up her phone, despite the fact that PJ and Josie definitely couldn’t read it from where they were standing.

“Seriously? Holy shit! You said yes right?” PJ asks, both a shocked and excited expression on her face.

“No, because I wanted to make sure we were all free before-” Hazel starts to say before PJ cuts her off.

“Obviously we’re free! It’s a fucking party! See Josie? What’d I fucking tell you! I told you we’d get noticed!” PJ says as she hits Josie in the arm excitedly.

“We didn’t get noticed, PJ, Hazel just has friends.” Josie says as she gives PJ a look.

“So? That’s still technically getting noticed! We’re being asked to play at a party! I mean you just said you didn’t want to keep playing here, well here’s our chance! We have to do this! Just think of how many people are going to be at the party! I mean there’s gotta be at least a few girls who think we’re hot!” PJ says defensively as she rolls her eyes.

“Wait, are you only doing this to get with girls?” Hazel asks as she gives PJ a confused look. “I thought you actually wanted to be in a band and get famous and stuff.” She says as she frowns a bit.

“Yeah, I do! Because when you’re rich and famous everybody loves you and wants to be with you, and everyone who doesn’t is jealous of you and wants to be you!” PJ says with exasperation.

“Well I don’t think everyone-” Hazel starts to say, before PJ cuts her off.

“Okay, this is besides the point! We have three days before we play at the party, we need to figure out what we’re performing and find super hot outfits!” PJ says as she rolls her eyes and lets out an annoyed groan.

“Oh my god, there’s going to be so many people.” Josie says nervously as she looks away, eyes wide with fear.

“Yeah, so many people who are going to love us! This is our big break! After this we are going to become a party staple, and everyone is going to want us to play at their parties, and then from there, it’s only a matter of time before we get a record deal and become a global hit and the whole world knows our name!” PJ says excitedly as she waves her hands while she talks.

“If we’re going to play at parties and be super big and famous, don’t we kind of need a name?” Hazel says as she thinks, a confused look on her face as she looks back and forth between PJ and Josie, who both seem to remember they had yet to figure out a band name.

“We’ll do that tomorrow! We’ll all meet up and figure out a name for the band! It’ll be easy!” PJ says as she shrugs and looks at Josie and Hazel.

I hope you guys like the first chapter lol. I'm trying to update as frequently as I can but I do have work and college so bare with me lol. also lmk if you want me to make a tag list!! dividers from @saradika and @animatedglittergraphics-n-more graphic made by me lol