Sometimes
Sometimes
Sometimes I wish you hadn’t died.
You left him so broken, beyond repair.
It was all I could do to keep him afloat,
treading water, a burden too heavy
for me to lift. You left him drowning
in unspoken love, unable to let go of
a deflated life preserver.
Sometimes I wonder what you’d think of me.
If you could would you thank me or would
you tell me that I could never heal him?
It was my job to gather the wreckage
you left behind. I taught him to love again,
but I could never teach him to let go.
I could never empty the ocean of hurt.
Sometimes I believe we could have been friends.
He clung to me too, driftwood in the open sea.
We must have something in common. He said
he thought I would like you. Even when his
heart was sore and his lungs were filled,
drowning in the memory of you. Friend,
can I tell you a secret?
Sometimes I hate you more than anything.
I hate what you did to him. I hate that no matter
how far away you are he can’t let go of you.
I hate that he will always love you, how he
doesn’t know how not to love you. I hate
you for dying – not that you chose to die. I wish
you had chosen. Maybe then he’d accept it.
Sometimes I feel like the other woman.
He’s still swimming through the waves,
fighting the current to get to you as if he
doesn’t realize you’ve already been pulled under.
I try to bring him back to shore, to my safe
harbor, but he’s still anchored in you.
Sometimes I think you are selfish.
When you had him you took him for granted,
and yet you held him tight enough to keep
him clinging to you like a buoy out at sea,
clinging to you for air. And now he still clings.
You can’t tell him to let go. Not that you would.
Sometimes I wish he had never met you.
Sometimes I am happy that you’re dead.
Sometimes I wish you never existed.
More Posts from Laceandpaper and Others
Beauty from the Beast
Sadness was my gut reaction
when I saw her picture in your wallet.
She: more beautiful than me,
eyes brighter than mine,
her smile sweet, pure honey.
But behind my sadness came joy.
Joy that you have someone so beautiful,
someone to love and to love you
as once upon a time I did. What we became was
ugly, but it taught us life. We were not a waste.
But as our beautiful flowers bloomed,
we came to see we could not share the sun.
Our petals grew shriveled and brown,
choked by the harsh sting of broken promises,
of life and truth, and what is not meant to be.
He is now my light, and she is now your fire,
and as we grow apart we will grow closer to them,
and they will and lift us up toward the sun, and
we will be alive. Apart, we will grow to be
the beauty that we now know we can be.
Love and Hate
I’d never do anything to hurt you
On the phone
at 3 AM. The line goes dead
as I wonder if I took hold of you
The way you took hold of me.
You sank into my mind
And made it your home.
You still captivate me.
My mind is full of you
and all your empty promises.
It’s not fair that you were
Able to grab me so quickly.
You swept me up
Before I had a chance to
See what was happening.
Why do I love you?
Why don’t I hate you?
I wish I could read your mind
Just to know what you think
When I see you walk in
at 3:47, tears in my eyes,
because I know from the
scent of that jasmine perfume
just where you’ve been.
Sweetie
Love, your friend:
Sweetie, the roses are all dying now,
They’ve withered and faded beyond repair.
And though you water them I can see how
They still have gone, despite your watchful stare.
Sweetie, the roses have all bowed their heads,
A sign of goodbye in this cold, dark room.
The stems have gone black and their bodies shed
Their petals and leaves far into the gloom.
Sweetie, sometimes I think you are a rose
He’s drying you up petal by petal.
I watch you lie down and as your eyes close,
I see your heart is now withered, brittle.
Sweetie, you know deep inside this is wrong.
Inside your heart is not where he belongs.
Crime of Passion
I saw you, anonymous among the masses, a
passerby spending some time. Come closer,
lead me into artificial intimacy. Body on body,
eat me, crave me. A strange, succulent sweet.
Are we still strangers? I feel I know you so well.
Do you even know my name? Does it matter?
Give me more and who we are won’t matter.
Under these pulsing lights we could be anyone.
I am yours, sweet stranger, just for this song.
Let the beat hide our fears, inhibitions, and
those who are holding us back. The air is hot,
you stick to me. Sweaty sheets and mussed up makeup.
Lone Tree - Rachel Schneider
Medium:
Calligraphy pens on paper
To Tokyo, With Love
Long lost lover living out
of sight, out of mind. I find myself
forgetting how it was to lay
eyes upon you, to lay beside
the water, to feel the soft caress
of your whispered words on my
waiting ear. Lover half a world away,
I no longer remember the sharp
glint of your smile, the sensuous
depth of your laughter. All I remember
Is your impossible perfection. Absence
makes the heart grow ill, poisons
memories to be larger than
love. Stay away lover, I fear
you’ll rob me of my love for your
image. I have broken a commandment;
I idolize your memory above you.
Sunset Over Atlantic
The tan line on my ring finger has faded,
just another reminder of the time we’ve lost
since that day at the beach when my ring
washed away with the tide. We couldn’t afford
to replace it. Maybe I should have taken that as
a sign.
Repentance (Part Three of To Save A Wretch Like Me)
The third and final part of the collection, To Save A Wretch Like Me, contains the resolution for the lovers as they reach their rock bottom and are left to pick themselves up and find their way back to themselves on their own.
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laceandpaper reblogged this · 11 years ago
