Adhd Paralysis Sucks Bcuz Im Just Sitting There And My Brain Is Like

looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3 be like:

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what the actual fuck

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ooh that sounds- what the fuck

unfinished

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the best fic ive ever read in my life. this absolutely ruined me and ill never be the same ever again

dont care

hey so what if third life was just an epic game of gaga ball during recess

So I’m watching Welcome to Night Vale episode 44 and like Cecil is explaining why he’s selling Girl Scout cookies, but like- it sounds like he’s implying that Steve Carlsberg is his Niece’s stepfather? Making Steve Carlsberg Cecil’s brother-in-law? But like that also raises some questions about the relationship because it either means

a) Cecil has a sister who got married twice (seems unlikely considering I’ve heard nothing of a sister)

b) Cecil’s brother got married and than left the picture and he stayed in contact with his sister-in-law who got remarried to Steve Carlsberg

c) Cecil has no relation and possibly just hates Steve Carlsberg that much

Answers probably exist but then again this is Night Vale and I’m lazy :/

Reasons why Jon Archivist is truly a character of all time:

Had the police called on him several times when he was a young child

Keeps his rib and the ashes of the season one antagonist next to his stationary drawer

Promised he wouldn’t get lost in tunnels and then immediately got lost in aforementioned tunnels

Has no clue what a joke is

Learned how remarkably easy it is to buy an ax in central London

Had to have two separate interventions

Told people his place of employment before traumatising them for life

The first character he ever said ‘I love you’ to is a cat

Allegedly participated in amdram

Watches documentaries and collects some kind of weird shit (my headcanon is Soviet Union postcards) when he’s not being a paranoid mess

Canonically looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks

Knows nothing about library science

Fell head over heels for a man that he hated until he learned he lied on his resumé

Has been referred to as Jesus or Jesus-adjacent at least twice

Asexual icon

Knows what a meme is and said “LOL” in the first episode

Rode on a merry-go-round sometime during his university days because he was in a weird place emotionally

Died for our Jonathan Sins

Is probably a computer now playing minesweeper with his boyfriend and evil 200+ year old boss

🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊

Was scrolling through AO3 and found this gem

Enemy to parent is a trope we have to popularise lmao

@6ghosteyes9

I wish someone would hurry up and invent a game where I help a woman who is permanently dripping mud get a makeover and leave her shitty boyfriend, or perhaps an army game where I lead my troops through basic arithmetic functions such as +10 and x7

Here, have more perchance incorrect quotes

Dark Cacao Cookie: What are you two arguing about this time?

White Lily Cookie: She's always using common phrases incorrectly!

Golden Cheese Cookie: Cry me a table, White Lily Cookie.

Hollyberry Cookie: Pure Vanilla Cookie is off at an appointment, so while he's gone, I’m going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.

Golden Cheese Cookie: Why?

Hollyberry Cookie: They’re like 90% of my impulse control.

Golden Cheese Cookie: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Hollyberry Cookie way.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: Isn't that the wrong way? Golden Cheese Cookie: Yes, but it's faster.

Golden Cheese Cookie: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Pure Vanilla Cookie.

Hollyberry Cookie: You just said it again.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: ...

Golden Cheese Cookie: I am not a role model.

White Lily Cookie: I’m not mad, I just need to know why you two had a fake ID.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: *Incoherent mumbling*

White Lily Cookie: Huh?

Hollyberry Cookie: …You need to be 18 to hold the puppies at PetCo.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?

Dark Cacao Cookie: Fake?

Golden Cheese Cookie: I have an idea.

Hollyberry Cookie: A good idea?

Golden Cheese Cookie: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

*Golden Cheese Cookie is fighting a monster*

White Lily Cookie: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!

Golden Cheese Cookie: The power to believe in myself!?

White Lily Cookie: No, a spear! Stab it!

my favorite pass time is coming up with a really stupid idea and committing so hard to it.

love the thing where typically masculine characters get mistaken for being butch, very funny to me

more of my incoherent ramblings under the cut

poly ancients is fucking hilarious to me okay, I can't stop thinking about these old people