Latest Posts by racketelio - Page 2

girl they're literally us btw

MY SHAYLAS THEY R SO CUTE omg i forgot they were friends #topgun

literally Us. the danny to my lewis

TRAVIS MENTION?!?!

yay i love spidey-boy!!

wait you write for marvel!!! ooh for the follower game could i get a blurb with peter parker or joaquin torres with like a cooking late at night kind of vibe?

200 FOLLOWERS GAME.

oh my god, hi !! yes i do write for marvel! (well, kind of) 💕 also thank you for following me and supporting my account, it means a lot to me!

unfortunately i feel like i know way more about peter parker than joaquin torres right now, so i made it about spidey-boy, i hope you don’t mind! this was so cute to write too 🥹

It starts with a rumble in Peter’s stomach and a whispered, “You awake?” at 1:43 a.m. when he gets home from patrol. His feet walked him to your shared room.

You blink up at him from your shared tangle of sheets, half-conscious, but nod anyway. He grins, boyish and sheepish, brushing a kiss to your temple.

“Cool. Wanna make grilled cheese with me?”

And just like that, you’re padding down to the kitchen in mismatched pajamas, the overhead light too harsh for the hour, so Peter flips it off and sticks to the glow of the stovetop and the fridge light. The whole apartment feels wrapped in quiet—just the soft clink of utensils, the low hum of the city outside the window, and Peter humming under his breath as he pulls ingredients from the fridge like he’s on a mission.

He’s still wearing his Spider-Man suit from earlier, unzipped halfway with the sleeves tied around his waist, hair a little sweat-damp and wild. He moves around the kitchen like he’s still burning off adrenaline, bouncing on his heels, dancing to nothing in particular as he layers cheese between slices of bread.

You lean against the counter, arms crossed, watching him. He notices your sleepy smile and gives you one of his own—wide and bright, like the sun decided to live in his face.

“You’re staring,” he teases, holding up a slice of cheddar like it’s a trophy. “Because I’m handsome, right?”

“Because you’re a menace,” you reply, but you’re already taking the offered cheese and biting into it.

He laughs. “Same thing.”

The grilled cheese sizzles on the pan, golden edges crisping up as Peter gently flips it with exaggerated concentration. He talks about his patrol—about the guy who tried to mug someone with a rubber chicken (“I wish I was joking”), about the cat he helped off a fire escape, about the kid who called him “Spider Dad” and made him seriously question his public image.

You sit on the counter as he cooks, legs swinging, and Peter keeps leaning over to kiss you—quick, soft pecks on your knee, your cheek, your shoulder—like he can’t not touch you. Like even in the stillness of your tiny kitchen, he needs to remind himself you’re here. That this is real.

When the sandwiches are done, he cuts them diagonally (because “that’s the superior shape, don’t argue”) and slides one onto a plate for you. You both eat sitting on the kitchen floor, backs against the cabinets, knees touching.

There’s no rush. No pressure. Just the low crackle of city life outside, the warmth of melted cheese, and the way Peter looks at you between bites—like the world could end in the next five minutes and he’d die perfectly happy, as long as you were sitting right here beside him.

Afterward, when your plates are empty and his head is resting on your shoulder, he lets out a soft sigh.

“This,” he murmurs, voice thick with contentment. “This is my favorite kind of night.”

You nudge your head against his. “Even better than swinging from rooftops?”

He hums thoughtfully, but he’s already lacing his fingers through yours. “Way better. Rooftops don’t feed me grilled cheese or kiss me when I smell like sweat and danger.” You laugh, and he smiles like it’s his favorite sound.

Eventually, he stands and pulls you up by the hand, murmuring something about bed and warmth and “let me hold you before I pass out standing up.” And you go, because there’s no better way to end the night than curled into Peter Parker, who might be half-exhausted and a little cheesy—but is yours. Entirely.

And in a quiet apartment at 2:18 a.m., that’s more than enough.

“people are allowed to dislike things” WRONG nobody is allowed to dislike Joaquín Torres

Big Shoes to Fill

or, lily follows in her parents' footsteps.

an: i've only ever written small portions of stories from lily's perspective, and i think this was a fun little challenge at expanding that. i feel she needs more love. thank you @tashism for choosing this story, i hope i did you justice. extra thank yous to @newrochellechallenger2019, @artstennisracket, @ghostgirl-22, @grimsonandclover, and @diyasgarden for their willingness to help me out. it is not unappreciated.

tag list: @glassmermaids

Lily’s new shoes are pink, and the white rubber toes shine when the sun hits. She had wanted the pretty ones with the rhinestones, the ones that light up when she stomped her feet, but Mommy said no. She insisted the tennis ones were so much prettier, baby. That they were ‘professional’, the kind the big girls wear. As she looks down at them now, laces tied in a haphazard tangle by small fingers on the left, and a precise, delicate bow on the right by her mother’s hand, she thinks she should’ve fought a little harder for the light-up shoes. Her skin is tacky with sunscreen and perspiration, cheeks flushed, hands just a bit too clammy to hold the racket the way she’s meant to. 

“Fix that grip, Lils!”

And then a flying yellow blur floats over the net and to her side, she stretches her little arms to reach, and hears that little tink of connection. It bounces, rolls, rolls, rolls… then stops like it’s proud of itself, right against the bottom of the net, the white line amongst the yellow fuzz beaming smug and stuffed to the brim with schadenfreude. Lily hears a sigh, the steady tap, tap, tap of a foot against the clay court, and then the half-hearted smack of hands against thighs. Mommy does this sometimes, when she’s upset at Lily. Or upset because of Lily’s playing, as Mommy insists is different. But, as far as she can tell, it’s still her fault. Mommy wouldn’t be sad if she could just figure out the tennis thing. And she just can’t. Not with all the coaching, or the miniature rackets, or the nights spent falling asleep on the couch because Mommy and Daddy are up too late watching matches to tuck her into bed. 

Mommy went inside, probably for a break, maybe a little AC, maybe to stare at old photos of herself and breathe just a little bit harder. Sometimes, she swaps Lily out with Daddy. In terms of tennis, he’s rare to disappoint the way Lily was. He racked up win after win after win, smothered in trophies and sunscreen and something blue and bruised beneath his skin, and that’s what he was known for. So, he became therapeutic, in a way. A distraction, a lover, a means of vicarious victory, and the target of misplaced frustrations. Lily sits on the grass for a bit and blows some dandelion fuzz into the breeze. She thinks about what it’d be like to be a flower.

Mommy went to bed right after dinner (Mommy and Lily had a burger and fries, Daddy just ordered a salad), complaining of a headache that just wouldn’t quit. Her lips are quirked politely, something like a smile that never quite made it all the way resting on her cheeks. Lily knows that’s a fake one. She’s learned the difference. Lily knows it’s fake because her chest isn’t burning with that warm, golden feeling. Mommy really smiles when Lily makes a good serve, or when her drawings are deemed good enough to hang on the fridge with a little U.S. Open magnet. And Lily watches her face lift and her eyes crinkle and thinks, for a second, she really is as special as her parents say she is. She doesn’t feel that now. Daddy brushes Lily’s back with his fingers when he passes behind her to put the used forks in the sinks, Mommy doesn’t like the plastic ones, and she doesn’t move. 

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours, Lilybug?”

She shrugs, huffs a little bit, doesn’t giggle when he blows a raspberry into her temple. She wants to, but she’s got to make it clear this is serious. Adults never laugh when things are important, she thinks. That’s why Daddy looks so angry during matches. He pulls back and frowns a bit, hands on his hips. She turns his way, and the visual makes her lip puff out and tremble a little. She can’t help it, really, but she just keeps upsetting people. She’s tired of making everyone so sad. 

“Do you think Mommy is mad at me?”

He does something funny then, curves in by his tummy. It looks like the fallen Jenga tower from last week’s game night. Daddy always chooses Jenga, says he’s too good to beat. Lily always beats him, and it’s the only time he looks happy to lose. She thinks that’s silly. He pulls up a chair at her side, and she doesn’t like the way the metal sounds against the wood floor. It’s easier to be sad when it’s quiet. 

“No, baby, ‘course not. Why’d she be mad at you?”

She shrugs, places a small chin in a smaller hand, stares at the granite countertop like it’s personally offended her. Like it’s staring back.

“‘Cause I’m supposed to be like you guys, and I’m not. It makes Mommy angry that I’m so super bad at tennis.”

He wants to smile, but he can’t, not when this little girl at his side is feeling things bigger than her body, than her vocabulary can provide her with a word for. Sweet girl, too, that she cares. That she just wants her mama to be happy, proud, something that isn’t going to wrack her with guilt for being herself. Still, he takes in that miniature pout, the one her mother so often wears in moments of her own frustration, and places his fingers in her hair, puffing up what had been pressed flat by a ponytail moments ago. 

“She’s not angry. She’s just… well, it’s hard. You know what happened to Mommy. You know how bad she misses it. She just wants to see you grow so, so strong, like she was. That’s all.”

Lily nods. She knows. She knows as much as she’s been told, at least. Not with words or stories, but through little tell-tale signs. Through her mother’s insistence on long skirts, or taking extra with her lotion at the bend of her knee, right where the little white line is. She got hurt. Something band-aids and boo-boo kisses couldn’t make go away. She’ll get an ice pack for Mommy next time she sees her.

“But, what if I can’t grow big and strong like she did? What if I can only do it the Lily way?”

He pauses his hand’s movement in her hair, breathes through his nose like the air was pressed out of him. He wants to say that Tashi could take it, that she’s an adult woman who’s worked through these things, because she’s supposed to have done so. She’s meant to be able to feel pride in other people’s successes, rather than hate that they’re doing what she can’t. But, Art knows the resentment. He feels it some days, when he loses a match she’d have one. When Anna Mueller wins. So, he smiles, presses his lips to the curve of her nose, watches it scrunch. 

“Then you do the Lily thing, and we watch you shine.”

She hums when she smiles, the way Daddy does sometimes when things are only a little funny, but mostly make her feel like her head is a balloon, and it’s flying away from the rest of her body.

“But she’d like me more if I did it the Mommy way, right? If I was good at tennis?”

He squeezes her shoulder with his palm, and finds that it doesn’t fit right in the cup of it. He thinks she’s grown too fast, and yet she’s still so small. And she’s too smart to lie to. He’s too dumb to know.

“I’m not sure, Lilybug.”

The answer is yes.

A few months later, Christmas lists were being made, toy catalogues searched, circled, conspicuously left by coffee machines and Daddy’s yucky green ‘First thing in the morning’ drinks. But they don’t make her all jumpy and giggly, the way a good gift should. So, when Grandma calls, her face shaking in and out of view on the screen of Mommy’s phone, and Grandma asks ‘What does our Lilybug want for Christmas?’, she replies,

“I want more tennis lessons.”

And she watches Mommy smile like she’s never smiled before, even though she tries to bend her head down into the paperwork she’s doing at the coffee table to hide it. It’s still see-able, and Lily can feel herself fill with that gold feeling again, from her toes to the top of her head. She just wants to make Mommy smile. 

She’s been staring at this assignment for hours, and for all her might, she just can’t make sense of these numbers. Stupid logarithms. Stupid math. She shuts her laptop, watches her face turn a glowing white to a healthy gold in her vanity’s mirror. She’ll do it tonight, probably. Or in the morning, before early practice. She hopes her eyes are functional enough to write real, understandable symbols at two in the morning. She hopes she gets enough sleep to even wake up in time. She knows she can help it, but she still feels her stomach sink at the sight of a big, red ‘F’ on a page. She’s glad she does well enough in tests to make up for it, or her spot on the National Honor Society would be someone else’s, and, most importantly, Mom and Dad would flip their shit. 

She flips her phone over where it laid next to her laptop, the screen flashing a text from Amy.

“Sorry babe can’t do tonight i’ve got dance and sth with andrew at like 7 :((( tm tho?”

Dance. It’s always dance. She remembers watching those clips of Amy on her Instagram story like they were miniature blockbusters, watching the way the fabric of her skirt moved when she bent her leg a certain way. How her arms flowed like waves, even if they were made up of jagged bone. Fucking dance. It’s not even a real sport, and Amy breathes it more than air. 

“That’s alright :)) tomorrow then”

She pushes herself out of the spinning chair, pockets her phone and snags her earbuds from off the foot of her bed. Ignores the way her knees pop a bit. She’s been sitting for a while. Besides, she could use the practice.

“Where you going, Lils?”

Her mother calls from the kitchen, not looking up from some ad mock-up. Looks like another Aston Martin thing, if she can read it properly from where she is.

“Practice.”

She calls over her shoulder, stuffing one earbud in. She sees her mother nod, hide a smile behind the palm of her hand. Rare Tashi Donaldson, nee Duncan, approval. Her shoulders roll back, and her spine straightens just a little bit before she makes it through the sliding glass door. 

She came back inside at 11 pm. Four missed calls from Amy and a ‘Hey plans got canceled you still free???’ lighting up her lockscreen, blocking out the tennis ball in the photo of a little her, fairy wings, missing front teeth, and a racket half the size of her current one. Maybe she should change it to her with friends. 

She walks past the empty dinner table, bowl of something still steaming and waiting for her at her usual spot in the corner, dropping with a haphazard flop onto the couch, clicking the TV on.

“So, pick me, choose me-”

“Fifteen found dead in Oakland, Cali-”

“And little Ms. Duncan, daughter of famed tennis couple Art Donaldson and the former Tashi Duncan has had a great season so far. So far, undefeated, and with just a few weeks before the Junior Opens, she really has a shot at the win. Thoughts?”

She sits up a little, watches pictures of her flash, half-way through a grunt, braid whipping behind her. There had to have been a better photo of her.

“Well, Rog, I’d just like to see a little more out of her. I mean, what with her mother being what she was, it’s just a shame to see it look so much more aver-”

The TV is off with a click. She shuts her eyes, rubs at her temples, lightly raps her knuckles against her head like it’d knock out the sound. She thinks they’re wrong. She hates that they’re right. She wishes it was more natural. Everyone knew her mother was dead in a living body till she stepped on that court, and it all clicked into raw, animalistic passion. With Lily? Procedure. She didn’t feel adrenaline, or a spark, or anything but duty. Steps. Tired. She falls asleep in the fetal position, alarm unset. She only has enough time to step out the door before early morning practice when she’s up. 

Her opponent’s get a birth mark on her right shoulder the shape of a ballet slipper. It’s just a little darker than the rest of her skin, only visible when she served. Her mother is sat on the stands behind this girl, hands braced on the rails like she’s ready to pull herself over and onto the warm clay ground beneath her if things go south. But, for now, the score’s even, like it has been the whole match, and that wedding ring is glinting in the light. She’s not even the court and she’s controlling it, back straight and face stony like an emperor watching two gladiators in the colosseum. She just hopes she’s not the one ending with her head detached. 

She can’t see Dad, thinks he’s probably gone to get a hot dog, now that he can eat them again, or maybe he’s just too non-threatening to matter to her right now. But, vaguely, she thinks she remembers hearing a ‘That’s my girl’ in that stupid, slightly nasally voice she pretends to hate as much as she can. You’re not supposed to like your parents at her age. Her mother is staring, she can tell. Those sunglasses don’t hide a thing. She can read her mother better than that, and they both know it. She’s thinking. Something. Something sharp, biting, maybe hurtful. Maybe hurt. She doesn’t see her opponent set up to serve, she doesn’t see the birth mark slip into view, just a bright yellow blur headed her way. She lunges as best she can, practically on the tips of her toes to make it, and she hears a tink. And then a crunch.

She kisses the concrete like it grabbed her by the hair and pulled her in, and her teeth scrape her tongue and leave gapped indents there, heavy and bleeding. She doesn’t hear her mother, or the gasps of the spectators, or the medics asking the other girl to clear the ground. She can hear her own breath, her pulse, and laughter. Wild, hysterical laughter she only notices is coming from her when she looks down and sees her stomach contracting with it. And then she sees it, that abnormal, jagged looking leg of hers. Bone not made to wave. And she cries as hard as she’d laughed.

“Hey, Dad?”

It’s later than he’s normally up. Generally, he’s out at 9 p.m., still careful to be healthy where he can be. Where it’s normal. 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed? You’ve got prac… what’s up, Lily?”

She bites her lip, shifts back and forth on her feet the best she can. Her right leg is just a bit more bent than the left, wrapped in soft, beige bandages. She didn’t like the brace. She doesn’t want to look at him, so she looks at the wall. There’s a photo of Mom, fist raised, mouth agape in a scream, dress white and pristine. The Junior Opens. She sniffs.

“Can I just… I don’t know. Can we pretend like I’m little again?”

He shifts, pats his lap, smiles like it’s the only thing keeping something aching and raw at bay. Something that’s needed to be touched for years.

“‘Course, Lilybug.”

And she falls into place like it hadn’t been ages. Like she’s allowed to like her Dad, head on his thigh, eyes trained on the coffee table. There’s a letter from some college there with her name on it, somewhere cold and rainy. Somewhere they could use a name to their tennis team. 

“How’s Mom?”

He tilts his head to look down at her, the side of her head, the shell of her ear, the soft lashes of her eyes that are slightly damp. 

“Oh, Lily… how are you?”

She swallows, places a hand on his thigh and squeezes there, not tight, but firm. Like it was a natural place to settle. Something unharmed and soft and a healthy, functional leg. Her throat tightens. The world looks blurry. She thinks the letter says Yale. The water makes it hard to tell. Her voice is just a bit too quiet when she responds.

“‘M fine.”

It’s silent for a moment, one heavy breath, then his lighter one. A volley. She rolls onto her back to look him in the eyes, and finds a spot of brown in the left one. How had she never noticed that before? It looks like the color of Mom’s eyes. Even he’s got her little territorial marks on him. 

“Can I say something stupid?”

He nods, hums his affirmation, waiting like it’s all he wants to do. To look at her and wait and let it just be quiet. She appreciated the stillness. It’s easier to be sad when it’s quiet. It’s easier to love then, too, melancholic and bittersweet and sticky like saltwater taffy. 

“I always wanted to dance.”

He buries her face into his stomach when her lip trembles. She wouldn’t want him to see. He doesn’t want her to see his watching teartracks. In the room over, Tashi sits with her head in her hands and her eyes downcast. She hopes Lily would consider a coaching position.

hello stranger in the void??

how do people make friends on here, i feel so isolated.. hi everyone! hello! talking into the void here

SUGAR RUSH.

peter parker x afab!reader

fluff. heavy kissing. implied intimacy. teens being ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ teens. light suggestive vibes but nothing explicit. ♡

You're on your stomach on Peter's bed, your legs stretched out while wearing the hoodie you stole from his closet a week ago. The sleeves are too long, covering half your hands, but you like it that way. It smells like him, like detergent and that cologne he pretends he doesn't use. You've been living in it like a raccoon in a stolen nest. You're not doing anything right now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finish studying, with your mouth full of Pop Rocks that won't shut up.

Crack. Pop. Crack. It's funny, honestly. It sounds like a neck getting cracked in half—well, it can sound like fireworks too. It's annoyingly loud because your mouth looks like it's trying to pick a fight with physics.

Peter groans from his desk and doesn't even look at you. "You're so annoying." The words come out flat like he's already said them three times today. You know he doesn't mean it. Not really. He's just complaining. As always. It's his nature.

You chuckle, candy still fizzing. "You said I could have them." You roll onto your side just to get a better look at him, your lips pouting as if you're using them against him. His pen is tapping against his notebook while listening to the popping of the Pop Rocks.

"Didn't say I wanted to hear them every five seconds, baby." He pinches the bridge of his nose. Sometimes you wonder how he can even manage you. Maybe he's praying for patience and not getting any divine assistance.

You shift a little, cheek pressed against the soft fabric of his bed. "You can't even hear me over there," you say before scoffing and chewing deliberately, just to make a point.

"I can. It's like... background music. In my head." He spins slightly in his chair, just enough to throw a look at you over his shoulder.

You snort. "Dramatic." You drag the word out, milk it, trying to piss him off. Then you toss another handful of candy into your mouth like a kid.

He finally turns around the chair creaking. His hair's a mess, and there's a pencil tucked behind his ear like he forgot it was there. He crosses his arms and damn... those muscles are flexing. "I'm trying to study, and you're over here sounding like... I don't even know what to call it." His expression is all annoyed, but his eyes are warm. Tired, but warm. Not angry. Honestly? You love it when he gets like this, grumpy and soft around the edges.

You open your mouth real wide and go "Aaahhh," just to make the fizz louder. It's obnoxious. Truly. The kind of noise that would make people glare at you, and you're so proud of it.

Peter squints at you like he's in pain. "Why is my girlfriend like this?" He says it like a curse, like a prayer, like a man at the end of his rope who still wouldn't let go.

"Aw, come on, you love me." You say it too easily. It's not a question—something settled and obvious and unchangeable.

He exhales through his nose and walks over to you anyway, flops down next to you on the bed, elbow bumping yours. You hold out the package of candy. It rustles between you like a peace offering. Or a trap. He hasn't decided which yet.

He eyes it before looking back at you and your lips. "You're gonna shut up if I take some?" There's no heat in it, like the everyday tone he uses when you're being like this. Just a tired sort of fondness, like he's resigned himself to your antics and this weird little life you two have built. Annoyingly lovable, what he always says when you're asking for assurance if he still loves you even though you're playful.

You shrug. "Probably not." And you mean it. You're indecisive, and impulsive, with tendencies to be pushy. He knew that when he let you steal his hoodie the first time, and when you did things just to get his attention.

He sighs but takes a few and tilts his head back to chew. The sound bursts in the quiet like tiny firecrackers, and he physically winces, like he didn't think they'd be that loud. Hates the sounds. Obviously.

He looks at you like you just committed a crime. "Why does it... feel weird?" His face scrunches, and he's trying not to like it but also can't deny that it's kind of hilarious.

"It's fun-weird, not bad-weird." You roll onto your back beside him, shoulder brushing his, voice smug. "It tastes good though!"

Peter turns his head toward you and looks at your mouth. "You're ridiculous," he says softly, barely louder than the crackle. But he's still watching you, still close before he takes the Pop Rocks from your hand, gets enough from inside, and puts it in his mouth.

Then he kisses you.

Like... no warning. One second he's staring at your mouth like it's got all the answers to his questions, and the next, he's leaning in, slow but sure, like he already decided and you just didn't catch up yet. It's not aggressive, not rushed- it's soft, warm, and easy.

Your mouths meet soft at first. Just lips brushing lips, a little sticky from the candy's effect. But then the Pop Rocks crackle between you, loud and sudden, like someone just started a time bomb under your tongues, and everything jumps.

You giggle against him, nose bumping his, but he doesn't pull back. He just tilts his head and pushes in a little deeper. And, well, yeah, maybe that's when it changes.

Because now it's not soft. It's something else.

His mouth opens just enough for your tongue to catch him, and he tastes like cherry- you're sure it's from the candy. The candy's still popping, still snapping under your tongues, and it's a funny feeling. Literally. Your lips part wider, let it get messy, let it get loud. You lick into his mouth a little and feel him suck in a breath right through his nose.

And God, that's all it takes before he's kissing you back harder now, licking the taste of candy right out of your mouth like he's trying to shut it off. His hand finds your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek, gently and soft the way he knows you like. It's steady; he's holding you in place. His teeth graze your bottom lip, yearningly, just barely, just enough to feel it, and you groan, soft and surprised and too into it.

It's clumsy, yeah. Of course, it is. You're both grinning too much, breathing too hard, lips swollen already, and the candy still going off like a fucking broken record. But you don't stop. Neither of you. Because it's fun and silly. Because it's stupid. Because it's so much better than it should be.

Peter pulls back eventually, breathing hard, his lips pink and wet, a little sugar stuck at the corner of his mouth again. He licks it away automatically, and your stomach flips.

"Okay," he says, voice low and just barely wrecked. "That was..."

He doesn't even finish the sentence.

You're already grabbing more Pop Rocks.

"Again," you say, out of breath but grinning. "C'monnn."

He laughs, but it's a little shaky now. "I'm gonna die."

"Mhm," you hum and press your mouth to his before he can say another word.

This time, it's not that gentle. It's full of tongues and teeth and stupid little moans pressed into each other's mouths, sugar and spit and heat all tangled up in a kiss that has no business feeling this good.

You taste like candy, and he kisses you like he’s starving for it.

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓© 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍

𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

i aim to please, but my aim aint that good!

jo i just realised it's been like two days since we interacted i MISS youuuuu (said in the whiniest loser girl voice you've ever heard)

HIII pookie i miss you… joaquin coming tonight just for you

No, the captain America mantle should not be thrown around like a hot potato during Doomsday, are you stupid?

Only time Captain America should ever be named in the movie is if someone is trying to get Sam Wilson’s attention.

The only other acceptable names to address Sam include “Cap” “Captain Wilson”

I hear you suggest any bullshit like that again, I’m coming at you with a shovel.

Van Palmer // Prometheus Bound

little martinez brothers..

service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter service top james potter

my love letter to van palmer

i can’t stop thinking about forced feminization with art. he’s so pretty i can’t take it. like…. god. imagine calling his cock a pussy while you fuck him. (not with a strap, no. we are not in that kind of scene.) it’s just you between his legs, (which is already dangling off the bed) and you are sinking him deep inside of you by rolling your hips slow like you’re the one fucking him.

and you are not riding either. you’re not bouncing. not that kind of topping. you’re not letting him have anything that makes him control anything. it’s just you. you’re thrusting him inside you. and you’re looking down at him like he belongs there… beneath you.

he’s already leaking, of course, he’s so close already. already twitching inside you, whimpering like he doesn’t know how to handle the way it feels. like it’s too much. like it’s not supposed to feel that good.

and you tell him while looking down at his fucked out face, “you’ve got the puffiest pussy, baby. don’t you?”

it’s not a yes or no. it’s not even a question.

and he’s already nodding, eyes wide and glassy, like he needs you to believe it, like he needs it to be true. and you make him say it. you tell him to say it.

and of course he does. god, of course. he gasps it out between moans like it’s breaking him, all breathless and shaky. “I- I’ve got- a-ah... a fluffy- a p-puffy pussy…”

you can barely take it. he’s so shy about it, but it’s like something he’s been waiting to say his whole fucking life.

you keep going, soft but mean. “what kind of girl are you, baby?”

and he looks up at you like he’s about to cry. so red, so shy and embarrassed already.

“i’m… i’m your good girl…”

and yeah. he is. he fucking is.

JESUS CHRIST HE HAS A BETTER RACK THEN I DO 😭

just reread ppp on ao3 send help

joaquin torres has me in a literal chokehold and i need you to say you agree

no bc he had me by the throat the first time i watched brave new world. my ao3 tabs went crazy that week 💔

but i rewatched this week n UGHHHHHH i need him so fucking bad

Anthony Mackie you deserved so much better

Steve Rogers would be extremely disappointed in Bucky Barnes for not supporting Sam Wilson in building his new Avengers team and instead being an annoyance and deterrence to him by fighting him for the Avengers name AND for willingly being in a team with John Walker called the New Avengers that is run by the CIA

there i said it lol this is to all the ppl out there who keep saying steve would be part of 'team bucky' or some nonsense...idk which steve yall talking about but it aint steve rogers

If you disagree with this post pls block me thanks

And also idc that we dk what happens next, i can only react to what we know now

goodnight yj nation (and a forehead kiss for all my mutuals)!!!

The MCU don’t deserve Sam Wilson. Never have. Never will.

I’m sorry, but imagine being mad at former Avenger, current Captain America, first person to speak up against The Accords, has spent his entire MCU tenure fighting against corruption (while also fighting the Big Bads), Sam Wilson, because he doesn’t want a bunch of misfits, including the guy who tried to kill him with his own shield, running around working for the head of THE MOTHERFUCKING CIA and calling themselves Avengers???

Jfc put on your thinking caps already

JOAQUIN JOAQUIN JOAQUIN

might drop a few other marvel chars w my thunderbolts drop... (joaquin. need that) but if u guys want anyone else lmk

You will never make me like John Walker

admitting you’ve been a john walker fan since day one is CRAZY to me. you saw an unqualified, privileged white man who represented us propaganda take the shield and position that was suppose to go to a capable, hand appointed by the previous captain america, black man and thought “i love him so much”? YOU’RE WEIRD 🫵

and then you watched as he used the very same shield that he didn’t deserve to publicly execute a surrendering man, tainting it and ruining the morals that steve rogers dedicated his life to uphold and decided “he’s sooo deep and complex i want him.” YOU’RE SOO WEIRDD 🫵

i understand finding his character more enriching AFTER watching thunderbolts (barely) but thirsting over him beforehand is just fucking crazy.

to start writing fanfic about someone who was introduced into the mcu as part of a discussion regarding racial disparities is so odd to me. it seems like 9/10 of y’all weren’t even waiting for thunderbolts to come out, you were supporters of him from day one and now you’re just using the movie to justify being attracted to him.

i just don’t get how we watched the same show and you weren’t angered by him and his actions, much less found him attractive for it. it’s giving “i can excuse racism, but i draw the line at animal cruelty.”

i’m just saying thunderbolts better have written him as the most apologetic man to ever grace the marvel universe or u bitches will never stop hearing from me! if i find out he just made some corny hehe haha jokes and y’all believe it’s enough to redeem him (and romanticize him?) i’m sending u all to hell myself 🙄👎

and on top of all that, he’s fucking UGLY like ok bro yall some glazers

for everyone who isn’t listening:

people are not upset that bucky is part of a new team. we don’t want him to “remain in sam’s shadow” (not that he ever was).

people are rightfully angry that this movie is further pushing the narrative that sam is not a right fit to be captain america, or lead the avengers. if you have not seen the severe increase in hate and racism to sam (and anthony mackie) after this movie came out, then you have been living under a rock.

people are upset that there has been an increase in “john walker should have been cap” comments, when the entirety of tfatws (and thunderbolts, honestly) proved exactly why he would be a horrible captain america.

also when did everyone become so cool about john walker? 🤨 i watched tfatws as it was coming out, weekly, and i hated that man and everything he stood for. now all of a sudden he’s a “misunderstood” character? why do mcu fans give so much grace to white characters, am i missing something?

can all five other mcu Joaquin Torres fans stand up, I want to get a headcount of us all

Redamancy

Joaquin Torres x f!reader

The aftermath of sleeping with your best friend is never good—feelings grow where they weren't supposed to, and it drives a wedge in your relationship. Then things change...

warnings: 18+ mdni, fluff, to me joaquin is a very touchy person, little angst(?), overuse of the L word, cocky!Joaquin, mentions of sex, smut, no physical description of reader except being slightly shorter than Joaquin, petnames, mentions of eating and food, mentions of alcohol and drinking, mentions/description of reader having a panic attack, platonic sam wilson

wc: 8.3K

━━━

“We should really stop doing this,” you pull your shirt over your head and look at Joaquin. He’s still wrapped up in the sheets, his hair a mess of curls and an amused expression gracing his face. He leans on one elbow, body turned in your direction as he watches you dress yourself. 

“Why?” He almost laughs as he says it, and you feel your chest tighten at the sound. 

“Because-“ you actually can’t think of a reasonable way out of this, other than outwardly telling him you can’t keep doing this. “Because you shouldn’t be so distracted.” The lie slips out so easily, but you can't find it in you to look him in the eye when you say it.

“I felt pretty focused last night.” He smugly spoke, a goofy grin appearing. He really wasn’t making this easy. 

“You have better things to focus on, y'know, like saving the world.” You quip back, turning away from Joaquin, unable to glance in those chestnut eyes any longer. You distract yourself by pulling on your pants, acting as if that’s the reason you turned away and not because he has never looked more attractive than in this moment. 

“I can focus on two things at once, you know? I’m very talented.” You can’t help the chuckle that leaves you; his overconfidence always seems to bring a smile to your face. You remember that shy little kid that you’d always share your lunch with, the one whose confidence grew after puberty when the girls suddenly started flocking to him. You can still see a glimpse of his former self every so often, but you love it when the confident man he’s turned into oozes out. 

There’s a deafening silence after he speaks, and you don’t know how to leave now. You’d convinced yourself it would be easy to break off the whole sleeping with your best friend thing. You thought he’d be fine with going back to being just friends. 

“Hey,” Joaquin’s voice is softer than before, coaxing you into looking around at him. There’s concern etched into his features as he sits upright, “If you don’t want to do this anymore, that’s okay.” You bite down on the inside of your lip and swallow down the lump forming in your throat. 

“I just think you have a lot going on right now, Mr Falcon.” You’re deflecting, trying to play off the hurt in your voice and forcing a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Joaquin smiles at you using his new title, but it fades just as quickly as it appeared. “I should probably go.”

“You don’t have to leave.” His reply comes before you’ve even finished. 

“I have that thing and I have to do some stuff, so I should,” you know that he can see right through you. You’ve been friends long enough to be able to read each other like a book. This isn’t how you usually act around each other; it’s odd and uncomfortable, but since you realised you had growing feelings for him, you haven’t been the same. 

It started simple, you worried about him every time he was on a mission, wondering if he’d come home in one piece or not. Then you felt tingly every time he sent a text to say he missed you. After a drunken night, you two had slipped into bed together, and suddenly you weren’t just friends. That began the craving for his touch. Not even in a sexual way, you just wanted to feel his hand on your back, his presence beside you, his head in your lap. You thought about him all the time, too. What was he doing, where was he, did he think about you? But it wasn’t until one of your friends mentioned the way you always lit up when you spoke about him that it all clicked. Instantly, you knew, after over a decade of friendship—and months of occasionally sleeping together—that you were completely head over heels for Joaquin. 

“I’ll- I- see you later,” you scoop up your remaining belongings that are strewn on the floor, haphazardly moving toward the door. Joaquin is moving behind you, softly calling your name as you beeline for the exit. You don’t even stop to put your shoes on, just grabbing them and swinging the door open. Joaquin’s right behind you, just out of arm's reach, and you know he knows something is wrong. You can’t bring yourself to look at him any longer, knowing every second you look, you fall a little bit deeper. The door shuts before Joaquin can reach you, the solid wood separating you both. You stood with your back against the door, taking deep breaths before snapping yourself back into reality. 

You are so fucked.

━━━

A week goes by, and you’ve barely spoken to Joaquin, let alone seen him. You use the excuse that Sam whisked him away for a few days to go on some scouting mission, but now you have no choice but to face the music. The day after they arrived back, Sam had invited a group of people, you included, to his place for a late afternoon barbecue, and you knew Joaquin would be there. 

As you're out on the deck chatting to this woman you’ve never met before, you see him, he saunters in full of confidence with a smile on his face. You can’t help but think about how much you’ve missed him, and it’s only been a week. Your eyes keep moving between him and the woman you’re desperately trying to focus on as she tells you something about her kids… or her cats? Joaquin is welcomed by a few people as he enters the garden, and he briefly stops to exchange pleasantries before moving on. He grows closer, and now you can’t quite drag your eyes away from him. You fight the urge to excuse yourself and immediately go to him like you usually would, but there’s a hidden tension between you both, and it keeps your feet planted where they are. Your attention snaps back to the woman in front of you when you register the tail end of her question. 

“You know what I mean?” You’re so glad she was too absorbed in her story to realise you weren’t paying attention. 

“Uh Huh, yeah!” You nod enthusiastically. 

“Speaking of my husband, I'd better go check that he’s not drinking all of Sam’s beer. It was nice meeting you!” The woman walks off in the direction of the kitchen, and you find yourself looking out to where you last saw Joaquin, but he’s nowhere to be seen. You sigh and lean against the railing, looking down at the gathering of people below. Knowingly searching for that familiar face. 

“You look exactly like a girl I know!” Suddenly, Joaquin is by your side, startling you as he casually leans his back against the railing. “Unfortunately, she went awol about a week ago, but you… You’re the spitting image.” You feel a heat grow from your chest and move upward to your face. He finally looks at you, a bright smile on his face, and sheepishly, you spin the ring on your finger. You can’t bring yourself to respond or even look at him, feeling terrible for your lack of communication. “Hey,” Joaquin nudges you with his elbow, and your head turns slightly in his direction, “I missed you.” That brings a smile to your face as well as an eruption of butterflies in your stomach. 

“I missed you, too.” Joaquin’s smile grows, and he lifts an arm out, signalling for you to fall into his arms like you always do. “I’m sorry for going awol,” you easily slip your arms around his waist as he tightens his around your shoulders. It’s like you can feel the tension disappear the longer you hold each other. 

“It’s okay, just don’t disappear like that again.” Your whole body shudders when you feel his lips on your temple, it’s almost like he knows what he’s doing to you. You’re convinced he can feel the way your heart is racing, so you pull back, keeping a smile plastered to your face. 

“I’m glad you managed to survive a week without me.” Joaquin laughs at your words, and it seems to relax you. He keeps his arm securely around you and pulls you in the direction of the kitchen. 

“Another few days and I would’ve been a goner.” It’s your turn to laugh, and the sound makes him grin, his hand squeezing your shoulder, “Come on, I need a drink.”

Just like that, you both fall back into stride with one another, laughing and eating, then drinking until the sun goes down. 

“I think he’s had enough,” Sam laughs as you all watch Joaquin stumble into the doorway on his way into the kitchen. 

“You’re the one who bet him $20 that he couldn’t shotgun a beer three times!” You point at Sam, laughing too. 

“It was twice! The kid’s just a lightweight.” Joaquin appears by your side, a goofy grin plastered to his face when he locks eyes with you. You can see just by the look in his eyes that he’s tired. 

“I am not a lightweight!” Joaquin’s mind slowly catches up, and he waves a finger at Sam, causing the few people in the room to chuckle. 

“Okay, well, prove it.” Sam slides another beer across the kitchen island, and your much less impaired reflexes stop it from slipping off the counter entirely. 

“Weren’t you just the one who said he’d had enough?” You quip, raising an eyebrow at Sam. 

“I don’t feel good.” Your head immediately whips around to Joaquin, concerned by his claim. His face scrunches up, and a hand comes up to his head. 

“Why don’t you go lie down?” Your hand reaches out to rub his arm, and he just groans in response. “Come on, I’ll take you.” You help him turn back the way he just came, his body swaying so much that you wrap your arm around him. “If he’s sick, you’re cleaning it up, Wilson!” You call out over your shoulder as you assist Joaquin to Sam’s spare room, a room you’ve crashed in a handful of times before. Sam hollers back a few expletives as you exit, but you choose to ignore him. Instead, your focus is now fully on Joaquin. He’s like a dead weight as he sinks more into you the further you walk. He’s all encompassing; the heaviness of his arm around your shoulders, the heat of his body, the strong scent of his aftershave, it’s almost overwhelming.

“Why did you drink so much?” He’s practically whining when you sit him down on the bed, his body swaying slightly. Cautiously, you remove your hands from him. 

“I had to.” You kneel in front of him and start undoing the laces of his shoes, but he is completely unwilling to assist you. He keeps his feet planted on the floor, making it difficult to get the shoes off. 

“You didn’t have to do anything.” You giggle when you look up to see his brow furrowed and his bottom lip jutted out. 

“I did,” he whines again, “had to forget.” 

“You’re not making sense,” he sounds like a small child who isn’t willing to share all the details of why they’re upset. You do your best to manoeuvre his legs up onto the bed now that you've got his shoes off. 

“I love you,” Joaquin whimpers as he finally helps to move his body to lie down. Meanwhile, now you’re frozen, just blinking at him, unsure what to do. “I love you so much, but I don’t think you love me.” 

You’re about a second away from calling Sam in here to clean up your puke. Joaquin’s words render you speechless while he remains unbothered, just snuggling into the pillow, ready to rest. Your mouth opens as if to talk, but only a shaky breath comes out. You stutter out his name but get no response; the man just voiced a deep, dark secret and then fell dead asleep. A sigh leaves you as you look at him, so peacefully unaware that he’s changed your entire life with one simple sentence. You pull a blanket from the bottom of the bed to cover his body and take another look at his face. For a moment, you allow yourself to indulge, your fingers reaching to brush against his cheek. He rubs his face against the pillow like a cat before letting out a deep sigh and relaxing again. 

“The bird brain must come with the suit.”

━━━

You’re startled awake by a hand on your shoulder, your eyes blinking a few times before Joaquin’s smiling face isn’t blurry. It takes your mind a minute to fully wake up, Joaquin’s words filtering through slowly. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” He crouches down to be eye level with you. A sleepy smile crosses your face. “What are you doing sleeping on a very uncomfortable-looking chair?” You take a second to remember what led up to this moment, memories flooding back. 

“I was keeping an eye on you. I must have fallen asleep.” You straighten your back, feeling new aches as you stretch. “You were pretty drunk last night.” There’s a grin on his face that you mirror. 

“Yeah, I have a headache to prove it,” he chuckles. 

“Did you-“ he cuts you off before you can even finish. 

“Yes, I took the Advil and chugged the water.” You settle back in the chair, although you don’t relax as you feel Joaquin’s hand on your thigh, his thumb rubbing back and forth. It makes your heart rate spike. “Thank you for taking care of me, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know that’s what makes me so nice,” you say in a cheery tune, and without thinking, your hand reaches up to smooth back some of the hair that had fallen in his eyes. Joaquin lets out a satisfied sigh when your fingertips press against his scalp. 

“Oh, keep doing that,” he manoeuvres his body to sit at your feet, easily making space for himself between your legs and placing his head in your lap. “‘feels good.” You obey his request, combing your fingers through his hair and enjoying the way his eyes shut softly at your touch. You stay locked together like this for a moment before your brain ultimately begins overthinking. Like he can sense it, Joaquin speaks up, “Why didn’t you just sleep in the bed? It’s not like we haven’t done that before.” He keeps his head planted in your lap, his eyes still shut, he looks so relaxed, but your head swims with anxiety. 

“I told you I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” You try to keep your voice steady, convincing yourself that you wouldn’t have rather slept right next to him last night instead of this crappy little chair. 

“So you would’ve slept with me given the choice?” You choke on nothing but air, and Joaquin peeks an eye open before a short chuckle escapes him.

You clear your throat and put on a snarky tone, “I like you better when you’re sleeping.”

━━━

“Please come to dinner,” Joaquin whines, clapping his hands together like he’s praying. “You know that my mom loves you, and you can be my buffer.”

“Buffer for what?” You laugh at Joaquin’s dramatic flair, “Actually, no! Your mom has come here to visit you, not me.” 

“Please, you know she’s going to grill me about my personal life and all this new Avengers stuff.” He now waves his hands in the air, making sure to punctuate every word, “plus she’s been asking about you, so it’s a win-win situation.” You look at Joaquin, pretending to think it over, but your facade fades when he gives you a comically wide smile. You can never find it in you to say no to him, especially when he looks at you like that.

“Fine,” you playfully roll your eyes when Joaquin overexcitedly begins celebrating, “but you’re making tamales!”

You’re stunned when Joaquin’s lips come in contact with your cheek, but you play it off with a small chuckle. 

“You got it!” Joaquin starts walking backwards, the biggest grin on his face as he points at you, “I’ll see you tomorrow at 6!”

━━━

“Hey!” Joaquin immediately pulls you over the threshold into a tight hug. You barely manage to breathe out a small hi before he’s dragging you into his apartment and presenting you in front of his mother. You pretty much get the same treatment from her; she squeals your name before rushing out of the kitchen. Her arms are around you in a second, and you giggle at her welcome. Immediately, she begins asking you questions, not even allowing you a second to answer before she’s onto the next. She directs you to sit on the couch next to her, and she keeps your hands cupped in hers. 

Joaquin’s mother has always treated you as if you were one of her own. When you were younger and you’d come over to hang out with Joaquin, she’d ensure you were always fed before leaving. She always included you in family outings or Sunday dinners. She was like a second mother to you, and you were always grateful that she loved you so sincerely. 

“Ma, come on, if you’re gonna ask a question, you’ve got to leave room for an answer.” Joaquin interrupts only for his mother to tut and wave him off. You grin when you see Joaquin roll his eyes and shake his head as he moves back to the kitchen. 

“You look good, cariño.” One of her hands strokes your face before cupping your cheek, “Oh, te he extrañado.” You smile so much that your cheeks hurt. You’ve been around Joaquin and his family long enough to have picked up more than a few words in Spanish, and you’ve become somewhat okay at following a conversation in the language. Joaquin interrupts again, calling for his mom to help in the kitchen. She sighs and mumbles to herself, asking how he manages to survive without her, before she moves off to help. 

Only seconds later, Joaquin comes through the kitchen door, his hands raised in surrender, and you can hear his mom telling him off for something. 

“I am not allowed in the kitchen anymore.” He plops down beside you on the couch, resting an arm behind you. 

“What did you do?” You stifle a giggle because you can still hear his mom muttering loudly. 

“I may have burnt her rice a little.” He winces when he says it, and you laugh, remembering the day his mom made him make multiple pots of rice until he got it right. Joaquin complained for a week straight about his arms aching from all the work. 

“You’re never going to be allowed in the kitchen again,” you both laugh, and your head absentmindedly rests back against his arm as the noise dies out. Your heart thumps in your chest at the way he looks down at you. For a second, it feels like you’re being drawn together, an invisible force pulling you both in. You can’t help it when your eyes flicker to his lips; it’s been too long since you’ve kissed him, and your mind berates you for giving that up. You swear he can read your mind because now he’s looking at your lips, and you're convinced he’s getting closer. 

“Come sit!” You both jump apart like two teenagers caught with the bedroom door shut as his mother's voice sounds through the apartment, “The food’s ready.”

You feel happy, and your appetite is sated. You’ve always enjoyed being around Joaquin and his family. It’s a side of your friend that not many get to see. He’s shyer in his mother’s company, not so cocky and over the top but still very much himself. He tells wild stories, going into great detail, and he manages to command the room whether there are 2 or 200 people. But he’s still just that shy kid at his core, the one who clams up when his mom brings up how unorganised his apartment is or how he needs to visit home more often. 

“Mi corazón, when are you going to find a nice girl and give me grand babies?” Joaquin’s mom suddenly blurts out as he refills your glass. He almost spills the drink all over the table at the shock of his mother's words. 

“Ay mami, not this again!” Joaquin groans, a hand coming up to scrub over his face. 

“What?” She looks at you confused before opening her mouth again, “It doesn’t have to be a girl. You want to meet a nice boy?” 

“Ma!” The pair delve into their native language, arguing about the topic while you sit with a hand covering your mouth. Joaquin takes one look at you and you almost lose it, stifling your giggles behind your hand. 

His mother says your name and instantly stops your amusement. “You would both make beautiful grandchildren.” Your eyes go wide, looking at Joaquin and seeing a look of embarrassment wash over him. It’s not the first time someone has said something like that about you both, insisting that you’d both be a good couple, that you should be together. They even did it one time when Joaquin had just introduced his family to his girlfriend of 6 months years ago. 

Joaquin’s chair scrapes against the floor, and in an instant, he’s on his feet. 

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough!” His hand grabs the almost empty wine glass that sits on the table in front of his mother. He picks up more dishes as she begins to protest, and they argue more. You decide to help with clearing the table, really just trying to avoid being brought into the conversation again. The pair don’t seem to notice you slip away from the table and go towards the kitchen. You can still hear them arguing in the other room as you begin to place the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. 

“She’s going to kill me if she sees you doing dishes.” Joaquin stands in the doorway, holding more dishes in his hands. “It’s the least I can do,” you say while continuing to fill the dishwasher. Joaquin begins assisting you until all of the dishes are put away. 

“Thank you,” Joaquin holds out an arm, hooking it around your shoulders and pulling you into him. You sink into his hold, your arms coming around his waist. It’s almost like you feel his body relax the second you’re pressed together. “You don’t have to thank me for doing the dishes, I told you it’s the least I could do.”

“I’m not talking about that.” His other arm circles around your shoulders, and now he hugs you tightly. His chin comes to rest on the top of your head, “I mean, just thank you. For being here, for everything.” You pull back to look at him, and suddenly you’re hit by an overwhelming feeling. It leaves you frozen, looking up at Joaquin’s bright eyes that stare back at you. There’s a second where his gaze falls downward; had you blinked, you would’ve missed it, but you didn’t, you saw the way he looked at your lips. Now you’re copying him, glancing at his lips, and your breath hitches when you feel his hand come in contact with your cheek. Fingers slowly and deliberately brushing against your skin, your lips part, and a shaky breath escapes you. Joaquin’s eyes keep darting across your face, and your mind races at the close proximity. Your hands slide around to rest on his sides, fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt as if to anchor you to him. You both seem to move in slowly, foreheads gently pressing together, and Joaquin nudges his chin towards yours. His lips barely brush yours, breaths mixing for a few seconds. It’s like he’s waiting for you to decide, like he wants to know if you want this too. It would be so easy to kiss him right now, but what would that mean? Guilt begins to wrack through your body. He doesn’t know that you know, you don’t even know if he meant what he said at Sam’s house. 

“I-I,” You stutter out, preparing yourself to ask him if he meant it, but your lack of conviction throws Joaquin. He pulls away from you almost instantly, and you feel a shiver run through your body.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t even look at you when he says it, and you feel your heart splinter. “No, no, I just need to-” You’re cut off when Joaquin’s mom enters the kitchen, and you both instantly act like what just happened didn’t happen. 

“I cannot believe you would leave your precious mami alone at the dinner table.” She remarks, tapping her hand against Joaquin’s cheek. “I left you your wine glass, didn’t I?” Joaquin quips, directing his attention to his mother now. He slips an arm around his mother’s shoulders and turns her back out of the kitchen. They fall into a conversation and leave you standing, lost in your thoughts, alone in the kitchen.

You’ve messed up, and you don’t know how to fix it.

━━━

You waited until his mom returned to Miami to attempt to bring up the topic of that night, but every time you tried, Joaquin seemed to change the subject. He then seemed to be avoiding you; his messages grew further apart, and his reasoning for not hanging out became less believable as the days went on. It soon turned into weeks of not seeing one another, and your heart ached. You wanted things to go back to normal.

“You ready?” Sam’s voice filters through your thoughts, and you look up at him, a half-hearted smile on your face when you see his hand outstretched toward you. Your head nods as you take his hand and stand from your chair.

Sam had been invited to a big fancy charity gala, and he had asked you to be his plus one, something that you cautiously accepted. It was a big deal to be seen alongside the Captain America, and you knew that Sam had asked you because it would be good for his public image. That and people knew you were both close friends, and nothing more, minus a few stray publications that liked to stir up drama at any given moment.

“You look good.” Sam compliments you once you’re both in the car, and the driver takes off for your destination, you turn to smile at your friend. “Thanks, you don’t look half bad yourself.” Sam swipes his hands against his lapels, clearly feeling himself in that moment. 

The rest of the car journey is quiet, just the sounds of the street outside and the radio that quietly lulls through the speakers. It’s completely the opposite when you step out of the car; there’s a carpet to walk on, and photographers line both sides. Nerves creep in when you take in the sea of people and all the flashing lights, but Sam’s there to help you along. You’re glad when his assistant only makes you stand in a handful of photos; you can already see the headlines that those specific tabloids will make up by morning. You mostly get to stand on the sidelines, watching Sam pose for pictures, and you actually begin to enjoy yourself. You get a laugh out of Sam’s natural charisma when he answers questions in interviews or when he tells the cameras to get his good side. You’re almost done with the carpet when you hear commotion behind you, your gaze falls to the source, and you’re surprised by what you see. Joaquin stands tall in a stunning forest green suit, and you’re genuinely left speechless. Cameras snap pictures of him, then there’s a commotion again when he lifts a hand out to the side, and your smile falls when you see a beautiful woman emerge from the crowd of people on the carpet. She stops at Joaquin’s side, tucking herself under his arm, and they look into each other’s eyes a little too longingly. They pose for pictures together, her hand comes to rest on his chest before she tucks away a stray curl from the side of his face. They appear to exchange words before she giggles at whatever was said, and suddenly, you feel sick. You can’t seem to drag your eyes away from the pair as they move up the carpet together. You feel a tightness spread through your chest, and your clothes suddenly feel like they're restricting your ability to breathe. You can feel all the joy drain from your body, and suddenly the ground feels as if it’s crumbling under you. 

“You alright?” Sam’s hand cups your elbow, pulling your attention to him, and you try to open your mouth to say something, but you only manage to take in a stuttered breath. Your hands feel shaky, and your eyes sting. Sam doesn’t wait for an answer when he sees your distressed state. He’s subtle in the way he manoeuvres you inside, out of the paparazzi's beady eyes. You’re not even sure where you’re going, eyes glued to the ground as your head swims with thoughts. 

“Take a deep breath.” You can hear Sam’s voice, but it feels far away. “Hey, eyes on me.” You look up, overwhelmed to see you’re somewhere else, somewhere unknown. Then your eyes find Sam’s, and he instructs you again to take a deep breath. This time, you try. Sam follows suit; you mirror each other, taking deep breaths until Sam sees you coming back to yourself. “What’s going on with you two?” You’re taken aback by the question, your gaze falling downwards. He doesn’t even have to say his name for you to know who he’s talking about.

“It’s nothing.” You mutter quietly, wringing your hands together as if the nervous tick wouldn’t give you away.

“You just had a panic attack at the sight of him. It’s not nothing.” Sam speaks sternly, and when you look up at him again, his eyebrow is raised; there’s no chance you’re leaving here without telling him the truth.

You can’t look at him when you speak, tears welling in your eyes again. “I’m in love with him.” Sam’s the first person you’ve admitted that to, and if you weren’t in your current predicament, you’d maybe feel slightly relieved by the admission. Sam goes to respond, but you cut him off, feeling the need to give him all the information. “And we’ve been sleeping together.” Sam can’t hide his surprise at that confession, and you find yourself tripping over your words, unable to stop the word vomit. “I mean, we were until I told him we should stop. And then you remember your barbecue a few weeks back?” Sam nods, listening to every word. “Well, when I put him to bed, he told me he loved me, but he was drunk, so he didn’t mean it right?” Sam tries to interrupt, but you just keep going. “Then I think we almost kissed the other week, but I stopped him because I felt guilty for not talking to him about what he said at your house. We’ve barely spoken in the last week, now he’s here with-with.” You can’t bring yourself to admit it, to say he’s moved on to someone else, that he looks happy without you. “ I messed up, I messed up so bad, Sam.” Your head falls into your hands, and embarrassment seeps into your mind. This was not the time or place to have such a breakdown.

“Are you done?” Sam waits a beat to ask his question since you interrupted his prior efforts to speak. You can’t even will yourself to speak again, fearing you’ll make this all worse. So, you lift your head, sheepishly looking at Sam before nodding. “You two are the most oblivious people I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a lot of idiots.” His hand rests on your shoulder, and he cranes his neck down to force eye contact. Your brows join together at his words, but he pauses your stream of thoughts. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Sam pats your shoulder before turning away from you and leaving abruptly. 

Now that you’re left alone, your eyes scan the foreign room. It’s just a small side room, close enough to the foyer that you can still hear the roar of people on the carpet and in the building. It’s dimly lit, but you can make out the few pieces of art hanging on the walls and some scattered pieces of furniture. You find a chair tucked into an alcove near the door, and sit, your foot nervously tapping against the marble floor. The wait feels never-ending. You’re not even sure where Sam was going, what he was doing or why he had you wait here. Did he just want you to get yourself together so you could go out there and do what you were here to do?

The clicking of your heel stops the second you hear the door open. “Careful, man, do you know how expensive this suit was?” You swear your heart stops when you hear Joaquin’s voice. You will the ground to open up and eat you whole, the last thing you want is for Joaquin to see you like this. The pair fully enter the room, and Sam closes the door behind him. “What was so important that I couldn’t finish my conversation?” Joaquin’s voice dies out when his eyes lock on yours, and that sick feeling washes over you again. 

“You,” Sam points in your direction, “up.” You listen to his instruction, standing from the chair as they approach you. Sam has a hand wrapped around Joaquin’s bicep, directing him toward you. Joaquin says a few words, but Sam stops him, holding a hand in the air to silence him. He drops both his hands at his sides before he speaks again. “You two need to talk. Figure out whatever is going on here.” Joaquin keeps his eyes on Sam, looking at him with confusion, which makes Sam roll his eyes. “You are in love with him.” Sam gestures at you, then Joaquin. “And you are in love with her.” He does the opposite now. “Now figure your shit out.” Sam immediately turns and begins to step towards the door. “Where the hell are you going?” Joaquin raises his voice. “Well, I’ve got a better chance with your date than with mine. So, I’ll be out there mingling.” He says matter-of-factly before turning away again and leaving the room permanently.

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. It’s so uncomfortable to be like this with your best friend. The silence is eating you alive. Joaquin hasn’t even looked at you since Sam’s proclamation. 

“You two looked good together.” You cringe the second the words leave your mouth, and you look anywhere but at him, even when you know his eyes are finally on you again. “She’s not- She’s just someone from work. I got paired with her for the gala. It’s just a publicity stunt.” Joaquin replies quickly, and you catch him fidgeting with the cuffs of his jacket. “She’s nice but she’s not…” his sentence trails off, and your eyes finally fall on him. He looks even better this close up; it makes your thoughts falter. “Not what?” You cautiously ask, slightly scared of the answer. There’s a moment's silence before he finishes his thought. “Well, she’s not you.” He breathes out, and with your eyes on him, you see the nervousness written all over his face. 

“Did you mean it?” The words come out before you can fully register them, and your heart races the closer you are to the answer. “Mean what?” Confusion crosses his features at your question, and you have to swallow down your fear. You’re in this now; it’s now or never. “You told me you loved me, and you didn’t think I felt the same.” Joaquin’s eyes widen, but you continue. “You were drunk, and if you didn’t mean it, that’s okay.” 

“I meant it.” He interrupts, not allowing you to finish whatever you were going to say. Silence envelops you both again. Your mind races, never once had you entertained the idea that he would be in love with you. Not even after he had admitted it to your face. Now you’re unsure where to go from here. 

“I have loved you for a long time.” You look at him with wide eyes, Joaquin’s now the one trying to look anywhere but at you. “When you didn’t mention it that morning, I convinced myself it was a dream.” His eyes are glassy, and you can feel your stomach sinking. “I thought when you cut things off, that you didn’t feel the same. I thought-“

“Stop thinking.” You’re rushing toward him before you can convince yourself otherwise. Your hands go to his face, and finally, after so long, your lips are pressed together again. You’re rushing through it, whereas Joaquin’s slow. His hands hesitantly rest on your hips, and you can feel how tense he is just by being near him. 

“Wait.” You pull your face away the second you hear him speak, but your hands stay put on either side of his face. You’re still close enough to feel his breath on your face. “What does this mean?” Joaquin sounds so meek, and if this were any other situation, you might have laughed. Instead, you look at him and try to convey the emotions that you feel for him. When that doesn’t seem enough, you open your mouth to speak. “It means I love you, too.” Joaquin’s the one who surges forward this time, he kisses you with fervour now. It knocks all the air out of your lungs, and you cling to him like never before. His arms slip around your back, pulling you flush against him now. The kiss quickly becomes passionate, your tongues mingling as your chests heave. Your hand slips into his hair, messing up the styled locks immediately. 

“Hold on.” Joaquin retreats again; he sounds out of breath when he speaks, and your hazy brain becomes confused. Was this not what you both wanted? “No, no. Just give me a second.” He kisses you again as if he can see the panic in your eyes, but you’re still confused when Joaquin moves away from you. A chill hits you now that his warmth isn’t encompassing you. You watch as Joaquin goes to the door, opening it just enough for his head to fit, and he looks out as if he’s surveying the area. Then he’s shutting the door again, and there’s an echoed click before he turns back to you. 

“What are you doing?” You ask curiously as he approaches you. “Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” The moment he’s close enough, he reaches for you, arms securing around your waist. His hands rest on your back as he dives in for another kiss, this time with the confidence you’re used to. Your hands come up to rest on his chest, under the lapels of his jacket, and you're pushing the clothing off his shoulders somewhat absentmindedly. Joaquin dominates the kiss easily, slipping his tongue into your mouth as he walks you backwards. You bump into the arm of the chair you had perched on earlier, and you break apart momentarily to giggle as Joaquin apologises. His hand comes up to hold the back of your head just before your back comes in contact with a wall. Your lips part once again, both panting as you observe one another. 

“Is this okay?” Joaquin’s confidence falters momentarily, but you don’t allow his doubt to creep in. Immediately, you nod your head before speaking. “This…This is all I’ve thought about for months.” A grin spreads over his face, and his head falls to your shoulder as if he’s suddenly gotten all shy. “Months, really?” His breath hits your neck and causes a shiver to run through your body. Then, as you open your mouth to speak, he presses his lips to your neck, and your breath hitches this time. You make room for him, your head lolling to the side as he continues to kiss along the column of your neck. “Probably since that first night you kissed me.” Your words come out ragged as his hands move along your body with newfound confidence. “Really?” His head raises, and he looks down at you. There’s a dark glint in his eyes, a look you’re somewhat familiar with but haven’t seen in quite some time. You nod your head hastily before you’re dragging him back in. One hand pulls him by the back of the neck while the other tugs on his dress shirt. Your lips are on his once again, you part only for a moment to speak. “I think it’s obvious that I want you. Now, are you going to do anything about it?” It’s Joaquin’s turn to pull you in; he kisses you with passion as his wandering hands attempt to manoeuvre your clothing. Gasps fall past your lips when only moments later, his fingers expertly slip into your underwear. Joaquin pulls his head back, a smirk plastered to his face as he takes in your reaction to his touch. He breathes heavily as he watches the way you keen for him the second he slips a finger into you. Your whole body rises, hands clinging to Joaquin as he finds the perfect rhythm. It’s a blessing and a curse that he already knows all the ways to please you, and he seems to take great joy in that fact. His name slips out of your mouth, mixed with a choked moan. 

“I’m here. I’ve got you.” He kisses your cheek, then along your jaw until he makes his way back to your neck. He slows his hand and eases another digit into you. Your breathing stutters, and instinctively, your leg raises, knee resting against his hip. Joaquin’s free hand moves along your thigh, holding the flesh firmly in place. The new angle has Joaquin’s palm grinding against your clit and the feeling becomes overwhelming when he picks up the pace. His fingers rock into you quicker now, and you pull him closer, your arm now wrapped around the back of his neck. You had tried to muffle your moans, biting down hard on your lip, but eventually they began to slip through the cracks. You had to clasp your hand over your mouth to suppress a particularly loud moan. “Is that it, baby? That feel good?” His voice is muffled, vibrating against your neck. He pulls back after he says it, a dark look in his eyes. An embarrassingly piercing noise escapes you when your eyes fall on his face. A few stray curls fall into his eyes, and impulsively, your hand moves up to push them back. Your fingers barely press against his scalp, but it’s enough for his eyes to flutter shut for just a second, his pace faltering too. 

“I love you.” The words slip out when your eyes lock with his, and you watch a smile grow on his face. Joaquin shifts forward, a chaste kiss pressed to your lips. “I love you.” He reassures before kissing you again, and that’s enough to bring you to the precipice. Your hand grips his shoulder agonisingly tight while the other slips into his hair. The groan he lets out when your fingers accidentally tug on his curls sends you straight over the edge. You tug him forward, pressing your head into his neck as your body is wracked with pleasure. This time feels different to all the times before, something about the confessions of love that made this orgasm feel more intense than the others. Your mind feels dizzy, your fingers ache from how hard you’re gripping onto him, and the blood pumping in your ears is deafening. 

“I got you. I got you, angel.” Your mind had gone blank, but Joaquin’s gentle voice slowly pulled you back. He quietly shushes you when you whine as he gradually slips his fingers from you. “It’s okay, baby. Just hold on for me.” Lazily, you lift your head until it rolls back, thudding against the wall. Immediately, Joaquin’s brows pull together, and the hand that was resting on your leg comes up to the back of your neck. “Hey, careful!” A dopey grin appears on your face as you look up at him. He catches you staring, and the concern that was just etched into his features disappears instantly. 

“You love me.” You’re beaming when you speak, your brain still in a hazy post orgasmic state. His lips curved upwards, and his light chuckle echoed in the room. “Yeah. I really do. And you love me.” His thumb brushes against your cheek, and there are a few seconds where you both just stare into one another’s eyes. “Always.” You both lean in, lips brushing together until a loud banging pulls you apart. You both look at the source before Joaquin turns back to you. “Stay there.” He presses another kiss to your lips before he moves away. The lack of his presence sobers you up instantly, your logical brain kicking in. Your hands move quickly to fix your ruffled clothing as Joaquin unlocks the door and opens it to reveal Sam. Joaquin had tried to only open the door a fraction, but Sam’s able to push it open further without much effort. 

“When I told you to figure your shit out I didn’t mean trigger the security to a possible safety risk.” The colour drains from your face at Sam’s words. “So, you just didn’t want me ruining your fancy suit, is that what it was?” Sam laughs, smoothing out the shoulder of Joaquin’s suit jacket that now has considerable creases in the fabric. Heat creeps up your neck the more Sam teases. “Clean yourselves up and keep it in your pants until you get home.” Sam looks between you both, pointing a finger at Joaquin for the latter part of his statement. “Unless you want SWAT breaking down the door next.” 

Finally, the ridiculousness of the whole situation catches up to you, and you have to cover your mouth as you giggle. Joaquin and Sam look at you for a second before letting out chuckles themselves. Sam slaps a hand down on Joaquin’s shoulder, “I’ll see you out there.” Then he’s gone, and Joaquin clicks the door shut again. 

“Stop laughing, " Joaquin says, chuckling as he approaches you. Joaquin’s words only make you laugh more. It’s only when he stops in front of you once again that they die out. His hands slip onto your waist, and his head falls onto your shoulder. Instinctively, your fingers find their way into his hair again, and he just allows you to hold him tenderly for a moment. 

“I missed you.” His voice is barely a whisper, but you hear it. Your heart aches for just a moment, you had both wasted so much time. You repeat his words back to him before placing a kiss to the side of his head. Joaquin straightens his back, looking down at you again. There’s a look of joy spread across his face, it’s infectious and soon enough, you’re grinning as you look in his eyes. Joaquin leans in to place a single kiss on your lips before he pulls away. You watch with amusement as he adjusts his trousers before he offers his arm to you. Happily, you link your arm through his, and you take a second to look at him again. “Eres tan hermosa,” he smiles softly as his free hand comes up to hold your cheek, and suddenly you feel shy. Your gaze falls away as you lean further into his hand, and Joaquin moves to kiss your slightly pouted lips. He takes his time with the first kiss, then changes to give you a few quick pecks.

“You know my mom’s going to lose her mind when she hears about this.” Joaquin chuckles as he pulls away, his hand falling from your face. You giggle in response before a wave of panic hits you. “Please do not tell her about how this happened!” Your eyes go wide, and it takes a second for Joaquin to register what you mean. Then he’s laughing, “No! No way! Definitely not.” Now you’re laughing, finding his amusement infectious. “Okay, good.” Joaquin takes a step, and you immediately follow, but you halt right as Joaquin’s hand rests on the door handle. You mumble about needing to fix his tie before freeing your arm from his. Your hands delicately flatten the shirt beneath his jacket before adjusting his tie. He keeps his eyes on your relaxed face the whole time, his hands coming to rest on your waist as you fix his collar. 

“I love you.” The words come out of his mouth with ease, a tender smile on his face. Your eyes move up to his, and this time, you feel butterflies in your stomach when you look at him. You push up on your tiptoes so your lips touch his again. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to you saying that.” Your feet rest back on the ground,d and you go back to Joaquin’s side, looping your arm back through his. You reach for the door handle now, slowly swinging the door open before you both step out. 

Suddenly, you feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted. Joaquin’s presence beside you feels so natural, like he was always meant to be there. He looks at you with nothing but love in his eyes. There’s something so precious about the way your heart feels when he looks at you now. You don’t have to second-guess your feelings or the way you act around him. He makes it so easy to feel like this is the way things have always been; his hand in yours, a secret kiss when he thinks no one is watching, or a few whispered compliments, it all feels like it’s meant to be.