scatteredbeans

Latest Posts by scatteredbeans

poems to read while having breakfast at the heartbreak hotel

I know I am but summer to your heart (Sonnet XXVII) by Edna St. Vincent Millay

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why (Sonnet XLIII) by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Time does not bring relief (Sonnet II) by Edna St. Vincent Millay 

I Am Not Yours by Sara Teasdale

[you fit into me] by Margaret Atwood

You by Carol Ann Duffy

Be Near Me by Faiz Ahmed Faiz

Blessed be the spectacle by Lev St. Valentine

You Are Tired (I Think) by E.E. Cummings

Hope you're well. Please don't read this by Lev St. Valentine

To Say Dark Things by Ingeborg Bachmann

Lilichka by Vladimir Mayakovski

Love and Hate by Elizabeth Eleanor Siddal

Sanctuary by Jean Valentine

the winter sun says fight by Peter Gizzi

The More Loving One by W. H. Auden

A Primer For The Small Weird Loves by Richard Siken

Dirty Valentine by Richard Siken

Morning by Frank O Hara

We Don't Know How To Say Goodbye by Anna Akhmatova

You'll Live, But I'll Not… by Anna Akhmatova

from “An Attempt at Jealousy” by Marina Tsvetaeva

The Last Toast by Anna Akhmatova

In Dream by Anna Akhmatova

Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath

Talking In Bed by Philip Larkin

He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by W.B. Yeats

La Belle Dame Sans Merci by John Keats

Wolfstar Raises Harry Fic Rec/TBR

Below is a list with links to fanfics that focus on or include Sirius and Remus raising Harry, all of these are completed (cause I’m too impatient) and will be a mix of fics i have read or that i want to read. Organised by word count smallest to longest.

TW fics will include Harry’s abuse from the Dursleys.

Here’s the link to my other recs and TBR’s Harry Potter Fic List (mostly Drarry)

Raising Harry - mm5729

Domestic fluff, slice of life, fist full moon with Harry | G | 652

Up To No Good - dramaticwitchbitch

Harry learns his first swear word, alt universe, domestic fluff | Not rated | 1k

That’s My Moony - toofadedtofight

Possessive Sirius, discussions of grief, black family tapestry, Wolfstar explaining nicknames to 4 year old Harry | G | 1.7k

Family doesn’t give up, harry - paintblob

Protective Sirius, Vernon gets decked, Wolfstar rescue harry from Dursleys, this is also apart of 2 part series | G | 2.7k

& home & home & home (or, a time loop) - decemberista

Time loop, alt timelines, time travel fix-it, bring back Black, bittersweet, Marauders Era | T | 3.1k

Raising the boy who lived - hufflepuffchaos

A small series, hurt/comfort, good reacher, domestic fluff, Dursley bashing, slice of life | G | 3.7k

A world for us - a_threereasonswhy

Daily prophet headlines, angst, everyone needs a hug, Sirius is bad at feelings, drinking | T | 3.3k

Make it up, fall in love, try - astrolupins

Established Wolfstar, panic, vomiting, Remus fights for fair trial, Sirius is freed, raising harry implied but not in fic | M | 4.1k

This is my family - Patriceavril

Canon divergence, Sirius is free, Christmas, fluff and angst, families of choice, nightmares | T | 7.3k

Another Cheese Sandwich - Notawriter_17

Christmas, domestic fluff, Harry leaves Dursley family, fluff and angst | Not rated | 8.8k

My Anonymous Wolfstar Fics

Anonymous collection of small fics, def recommend ‘Moony and the Wolf’, child Harry, pre and during Hogwarts, fluff, past child abuse, explaining werewolves to harry | T | 10.3k

Baby On Board - aqua_myosis for MsAlexWP

Fluff, mpreg, non-explicit sex, overbearing Sirius, preggers Remus | E | 12k

(The Anatomy of an) Accidental necromancy - roseemma, rosemaldrge (roseemma)

Halloween 1981, POV Remus, hurt no comfort, Sirius free from Azkaban, fanart | Not rated | 13.5k

Rhythm & Blues - lez_writes13

Sirius is freed, heals with Remus, time to get Harry, sign language, domestic fluff, angst, memory loss, hurt/comfort | T | 18.8k

Beautiful boy (darling boy) - roaming_the_greenwood1

Friends to lovers, book 4, trans Remus, Sirius accidentally knocks up Remus, happy ending, kid fic, coparents to lovers, pining | M | 67.9k

Folklore Chronicles - throughthemist

A series of small fics about Wolfstar first meeting and adopting Harry when he’s hogwarts age, canon divergence, Sirius gets a trial | T | 189.7k

I know I'm late with this. It took me way too long, but I had already startet it and didn't want to wait until next year, so:

here's how I imagine them celebrating James' 65th birthday. Just sitting in the garden with their loved ones, eating cake and having fun. They are alive and old and grey and happy ok!

lily evans potter: womanhood, motherhood & morality

lily as the dream girl in canon and fan spaces

i want to talk about this while there isn't a current upsurge in the discourse

Lily Evans Potter is introduced to us as Lily Potter, the dead mother of Harry Potter. Lily and James potter, dead, leaving their poor, miraculous son to live with the dull, horrible Durselys. We only ever see her through, with the exception of her sister, the memory of men.

I've said before that I believe James and Lily are the ideal masculine and ideal feminine, both to Harry and in a metatextual way. parents are our introduction into gender roles, the "correct" way to be a man and woman. since Lily is dead she cannot disappoint Harry. she can be imagined as the perfect woman, which is, of course, a wife and mother. the dream girl!

Lily's death makes her a silent, ever-loving, beautiful young mother, for both Harry and the reader. James is slightly deconstructed in SWM, but Lily is not. She is a fierce protector, brave, clever, and only emotional (angry) once James, her future husband, provokes her enough.

in the text Lily is not truly presented as flawed in a meaningful way. the moral choices she makes: to build a relationship with Severus, to defend Severus, to break their relationship when he refuses to reject bigotry, to join the Order, to die for her child, are all the correct moral choices. these are the choices the narrative is telling us to respect.

women have, for the past 200 years or so, been conceived of as the moral center of the family.* Lily Evans Potter is the moral center of the series. her choice to die is mirrored by the main character, Harry, and sparks the beginning of victory. Harry's sacrifice is enabled by another mother, Narcissa, making the correct moral choice because the power of her maternal love urges her to this choice. finally, Voldemort's most powerful follower, Bellatrix, is killed by a housewife and mother, Molly, in a maternal rage at the idea of her daughter being murdered.

Lily's sacrifice and the emotions behind it are mirrored multiple times in the final battle because it and she are the moral center of the series.

that Harry is frequently told he has his mother's eyes, and that Dumbledore points out how his essential nature mirrors his mother's, further highlights Lily's character and her choices as implicitly good.

women, especially mothers, as our moral authorities, is an unconscious cultural belief we can see play out in the fandom and subfandoms that Lily is discussed in. we can all recall the characterization of Lily as the goody-two shoes that James has to change for, the characterization of Lily as "not like other girls", the BAMF characterization, the current near mommy dom to James characterization.

the characterization of Lily changes with our view of the best kind of woman. but she is, always, demonstrating a most "correct" way to be. maybe it's 2007 and she's telling James off—not fun, but right. or it's 2012 and she's not preoccupied with boys like her classmates. or it's 2019 and she always knows the right thing to say to Remus when he's down on himself. or it's 2025 and James is trailing after her like a puppy while she contemplates what size strap to use on him after she beats up a bigot.

We don't see a lot of moderate views on Lily. Above, I've discussed how Lily lovers tend to portray her. Lily haters, a smaller group from what I can tell, do not utilize these common fanon characterizations. They disparage her as an immoral, selfish, bad woman. The wholesale rejection of Lily as the moral center based on her perceived immorality is the other side of the coin.

I'll refer to people with this perspective as "Lily haters" though I am aware there are people who dislike her outside of the topics I'm discussing.

I rarely engage with Lily haters, though I am aware of their arguments that Lily was a bad friend to Severus, a social climber, a gold digger, or boring. All grave sins for the woman who's supposed to save everyone.

This perspective doesn't reject Lily as the moral center or the perfect woman, it is an argument that she's not fulfilling her role correctly. Her unwillingness to give Severus more chances is selfish, stuck-up, classist. Her desire for James is an further betrayal of Severus.

She's supposed to be the Madonna, why is she being a whore?

I believe Lily hate comes from a belief she failed at being the perfect woman/mother, and therefore she is worthless. A bitch. Weak willed. Oversexed. even by haters her role as the moral center is not questioned.

in both the og text and in the fandom supertext Lily is the moral center because of her role as mother. her status as the moral center is inextricably tied to her motherhood. since Lily being a mother is the point of her character, divorcing her from her motherhood often changes the foundation of her character.**

when her literal motherhood is removed from a depiction of her character, her metaphorical status as the perfect woman/mother is often still intact. this is seen in the characterizations I described earlier, and, I argue, in the belief that she's too good for James when it is used as a "justification" for shipping James with someone else.*** thereby, she is further purified, not even having been touched by a man. she's put on a pedestal, where she can't be touched, and is rarely noticed.

it is also frequently seen when she is written as a side character in a relationship with James, and the pair become the dual moral guides for the main couple.

this reflects James and Lily as the ideal masculine and feminine, as they are a perfectly harmonious couple when a side pairing. their implicit canonical roles are subconsciously reflected in fanon with little critique or commentary on the canon text.

Lily's entire character is crafted to be The Perfect Mother™️. whether she is literally a mother in her fanon depiction or not, she is still The Perfect Woman™️—and is still affected by the biases our culture has towards women and mothers.

thus, Lily is the dream girl in the text, the moral center only seen through a nostalgic veil, and a dream girl in fan spaces, as the moral guide for the men in her life who pegs her husband or is too pure for the touch of a man.

for more on gender in the wizarding world, based on gender in early modern england (pre the cult of domesticity) see this post

*see the cult of domesticity if you'd rather not read the article

**please like fucking do not fucking act like I'm saying you cannot do this. I swear to fucking god

***you don't need to justify your ships

His brightest star I wanted to draw Sirius in casual clothes.

summary of act 1

i love taylor so much because lover ends with declaring that she wants to focus on joy and not heartbreak. then she writes folklore and evermore, two albums about heartbreak. then she ends evermore with declaring that she’s learned when it’s time to move on and that she’s still survived with herself intact, and she’s leaving the past behind. then she writes midnights, an album about going back in time and refusing to move on from the past. it ends with declaring that the lunch tables of her past don’t matter anymore because she’s in control of her relationship and her life. then she writes the tortured poets department (including the anthology here), an album about how she lost complete control of everything and maybe never had it to begin with. it ends with declaring that these stories aren’t hers to process anymore, and she releases them in order to find her freedom.

can’t wait to see how ts12 fits into this

MY FAVOURITE DPS FICS (in the order they appear on my bookmarks)

Dog Days are Over by rubylaurus - Mordern AU where Neil is a successful actor and Todd is a intern writer for his show. It's adorable with a little bit of ambiguity in the end.

lick me like a flame by perksofbeingpoet - ANGST SO MUCH ANGST. THE BEST ANGST I'VE SEEN.

Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow by Glittery_Bubbles - This could easily be the script of the 2nd movie if Neil hadn't died. LOVED the characterization and Keating's lessons.

I Read You for Some Kind of Poem by Glittery_Bubbles - A WIP but ADDICTED hello??? Like so sad, so so sad. Cry bitches

True Blue by PureCacophony - Another WIP which is updates pretty periodically. Very fluffy, very adorable. Mordern AU. Extremely well written. Mwah

I Crawl, an Animal to You by dirtbag_dyke - Amazing Characterization, it has smut.

how it is, how it was (how it has to be) by perksofbeingpoet - TEARS. ANDERPERRY BREAKUP. Phone call rituals. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Volta by suffragettecity - Neil meets Todd after med school.

White Walls and Blurry Eyes by lightswechase - four words - crown tattoo, ring finger

MY FAVOURITE DPS FICS (in the order they appear on my bookmarks)

Dog Days are Over by rubylaurus - Mordern AU where Neil is a successful actor and Todd is a intern writer for his show. It's adorable with a little bit of ambiguity in the end.

lick me like a flame by perksofbeingpoet - ANGST SO MUCH ANGST. THE BEST ANGST I'VE SEEN.

Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow by Glittery_Bubbles - This could easily be the script of the 2nd movie if Neil hadn't died. LOVED the characterization and Keating's lessons.

I Read You for Some Kind of Poem by Glittery_Bubbles - A WIP but ADDICTED hello??? Like so sad, so so sad. Cry bitches

True Blue by PureCacophony - Another WIP which is updates pretty periodically. Very fluffy, very adorable. Mordern AU. Extremely well written. Mwah

I Crawl, an Animal to You by dirtbag_dyke - Amazing Characterization, it has smut.

how it is, how it was (how it has to be) by perksofbeingpoet - TEARS. ANDERPERRY BREAKUP. Phone call rituals. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Volta by suffragettecity - Neil meets Todd after med school.

White Walls and Blurry Eyes by lightswechase - four words - crown tattoo, ring finger

Soft Christmas Drabbles: masterlist

Ficmas became my entire personality, here is all the things in one convenient area, in case you missed one or in case you want to re-read again

all is calm, all is bright- post-full moon christmas's arent so bad.

sweaty hands, full heart, can't lose- sirius meets the lupins.

its a wonderful life -sirius/remus watching Christmas movies. raising harry au

the best present - sirius learns to knit. wolfstar/raising harry au

a letter to you - remus gives sirius a gift. wolfstar @ hogwarts

grandmas cookies - on grief, love, and baking. wolfstar/raising harry au

traditions - lily and sirius have a christmas tradition of their own. (lilypad friendship fic)

do you not want to kiss me (pt 1) - jily, under the mistletoe

do you not want to kiss me (pt 2)- jily and a first kiss.

are we going to do this then?- jily, under the mistletoe, take two

good things take time - soft christmas moment with sirius/harry, raising harry au

ghosts - sirius drinks with ghosts...and his godson.

simply the best - lily convinces sirius to go to the slug club party with her. lily and sirius friendship fic.

a room of ones own- remus and harry surprise sirius for christmas.

🙃 Regular reminder that while Hozier has amazing love songs, he is ALSO very outspoken about his leftist politics, specifically anti-fascism, anti-racism, reproductive rights, Palestinian rights and more.

Take Me To Church and Foreigner’s God are scathing critiques of organized religion, specifically the Catholic Church and the colonization of Ireland.

Moment’s Silence is about oral sex but it’s ALSO about how that specific sexual act is often distorted to a show of power rather than that of love.

Nina Cried Power is an homage to various (mostly Black) civil rights activists from the US and Ireland and a call to follow their path.

Be criticizes anti-migrant policies and Trump and his ilk.

Jackboot Jump is about the global wave of fascism and about protest and resistance.

Swan Upon Leda is about reproductive rights and the violent colonial oppression of Ireland and Palestine.

Eat Your Young is about the ruinous way the 1%/capitalism and arms dealers prioritize short-term profit over everything else to the detriment of the youth/99%

Butchered Tongue is about Irish and other indigenous languages being suppressed and erased by imperial powers.

If any of the above surprised you, please, please delve deeper into Hozier’s music, you’re missing such an important part of his work.

Hey, first of all I’d like to thank you for all the lovely words and condolences. I’m feeling quite okay right now. I am still sad of course, but my thoughts are with my friend’s husband and sister, who suffer most.

I can’t believe it myself, but I actually finished my newest Sirius painting in August! (very last day, but still 😅 Grumpy SIrius in Grimmauld place 🤭 It has been a long time since I painted a more detailed background. It was a great experience, but very exhausting. I also made some bad perspective mistakes. Please ignore them 😅 I really put much effort into it, but in the end I still messed it up.

Robert Wood Lynn, "About the Phones", Mothman Apologia

Older wolfstar fic recs: (older in age that is)

let me know what I missed and self recs are welcome (also as always check tags for each one to protect yourself) **And I know older is relative term bc most of these wolfstar are in their 30s I do believe. But. They have more life experience than in Hogwarts or uni.

--orange juice (i've been ready for you to come home for so long) by raggedypond: divorced parents of teddy with one bed at his graduation

-Honey If I'm Not by @brigid-faye divergent post war where remus left, jily lived, and wolfstar only reconnects years later by chance. (Also has a Sirius pov)

---used my best colours for your portrait by @littleoldrachel lie low at Lupin's with flashbacks exploring remus' life

-Flight of Destiny by @lucigoo lesbian wolfstar meet on plane (Luci also has several others where they're older and lots of beautiful fics

--Aging Gracelessly by orphan_account: texting fic

--the mayors of simpleton by fruity_individual divorced wolfstar get back together, raising teddy

-Second Generation by MsAlexWP single parents, getting back together. The sequel is so perfect too! It's a Nice Day for a Wolfstar Wedding

-the sea is a good place to think of the future by peachyybabe (second in series is mcd but this one is open ending)

-Of Memories and Milk Thievery by moonymoment raising teddy, get back together

--Birthday Blues by YouBlitheringIdiot @blitheringmcgonagall :Sirius is turning sixty and he is appalled...

--Give Quarter to Old Men - @krethes series

--dear your holiness by mollymarymarie

--The Postwar Chronicles by @sliebman10 post canon series

-Vigil Strange I Kept by whitmans_kiss explores effects of lycanthropy

--ten reasons (to go to michigan) by @greyeyedmonster-18 remus headed home, trying to move on from divorce

--Prettiest Star Verse by Raging_queer

-I didn’t sign up for this by Moonystoastandmarsbar divorced wolfstar

-Of Protein Powders and PTAs by @squintclover and @tracingpatternswrites rivals to lovers

-An Infinte Ocean by orphan_account raising teddy strangers to lovers

--The Road Not Taken by @mollymarymarie

-extra credit by MsAlexWP rivals to lovers

-Baby On Board by aqua_myosotis

-Of Memories, Bitter and Sweet by MsAlexWP memory loss

**luci's recs

-my love, take care of yourself by littleoldrachel

-How to romance a guy with (terrible) poetry by BayleyWinchester

-Teddy Plays Matchmaker by grow_as_we_go

-The Front Step Surprise by R33sesPieces

**Recs from others** (I haven't read all these yet but wanted to include)

--Just what the doctor ordered by WrappedUp (be aware there is age gap)

--The Lab by de_sire again an age gap

-Till We Have Arrived Home Again by prouvairing divergent post canon raising harry

-The Patchwork of Us by TracingPatterns

-The Things I Did by Lolo_row

-The Phoenix Agency by LupinsChocolatePraline

-The Fall by EuripidesTrousers

-Pages of You by wolfpants this is drarry main but apparently background wolfstar is really good

-Just Like Heaven by the_prettiest_w0lf_star: mechanic Sirius and librarian Remus

-soloorganaas

-impishtubist

***Self rec***

--Memories of You: mcd exploring memory loss

--Through the Years: Sirius thinks about the past and how handsome his husband is while holding their granddaughter.

--DN(R): Lie low at Lupin's era where they discuss decisions Remus made in the lost years.

**also- the wolfstar librarian is always a great resource make sure to give some likes on posts: 30yo and Up part 2 Bring Black Back Back from the Veil Lie Low at Lupin’s Post Azkaban Grimmauld Place

--Feel free to check my other rec lists, as well as the rest of my fics

Cinderella marries the Prince, part 1/2

It’s truly fucking wild that a) Harry is canonically obsessed with Malfoy and literally follows him around and loses interest in his favourite hobbies because of it, b) Harry is actually right about all his Malfoy theories because he KNOWS Malfoy better than the others and has been paying attention to Malfoy for YEARS in a way no-one else has been, c) Draco straight up refuses to confirm Harry’s identity at the Manor even as his parents practically beg him to and despite knowing the retribution he’ll face if Voldemort finds out, d) Harry specifically saves Draco (not Goyle) from the fire despite the extreme risk of remaining in the room any longer, e) like I’m so serious this is SO INSANE Draco RIDES ON HARRY’S BROOM BEHIND HIM he has his ARMS AROUND HIM they are SHARING A BROOM AS HARRY SAVES HIS LIFE Draco is clinging to him THIS IS A LOVE STORY you can’t make this shit up!!!! f) and it’s DRACO’S WAND that Harry ultimately needs in order to SAVE THE WORLD, and Draco’s wand responds just as well to Harry as the wand of one of his closest, longterm best friends.

All The Young Dudes

“I’ve loved keeping your secret, Remus wanted to say, I’d keep a thousand more, for you.”

sash's *bangs gavel* divorce!! recs

lil collection of some faves + tbr's for anyone keen for fics of the sickeningly fond wolfstar exes variety <3

hurling crowbirds at mockingbars @wrapped-up

jesus where 2 begin. the 'then' vs 'now' of it all GAH.. it's sweet and funny and angsty and beautifully written. the characterisations n lil details n the Jealousy.. laurv when rj lupin is w someone else cos we're all like 'hm. sure.' n sirius is all 'sure well. for now.' massive ty 2 @whorerific for reccing this one!!

dreaming of after @del-stars

perusing the r/s + divorce search tab as one does, this one caught me off guard i was NOT PREPARED 2 luv it as much as i did.. sirius my LUV. the angst the miscommunication the lovely ending. well i sure did enjoy this one. the most divorced un-divorced couple 2 ever never divorce undivorceably

rolling in the deep @kaaaaaaarf

present 4 me!!! karfster, whilsttt ur hatefuck r/s saga has my heart, this is delish!! SAUR hot angry n unhinged n i'm v glad u shared this w us. ur writing is..mhm it's just so. like so very. x

orange juice (i've been ready for you to come home for so long) -raggedypond

lads. lads this fic bangs. miscommuncation? No communication!! giggled kicked my feet they should never communicate ever actually. they should exclusively use smoke signals at night or whtevr they should always b this frustrating n wonderful.. luv this lil thing v v much

fault lines @greyeyedmonster-18

think abt this one all. the. time. they're so sickeningly fond of each other.. the depth of their relationship is just. well i don't cry when reading but i rlly wanted 2 w this one. r/s separate n raise harry n well. this is a 4evr fave.. heartbreaking n soso heartwarming n beautiful

bound (series) -shiftylinguini

will always n 4evr rec this series. exes 2 luvrs bby the girls they r fighting!!! angry sirius eeeek.. smiling just thinkin abt when i read this for the first time.. sirius comes back from the veil n his ex-husband has married his cousin n absolutely no one is having a nice time. well. well that's not- [major moon emoji]

here we are again -dykesiriusblack

this was the first r/s muggle au i read so don't remember it teww well but. sexually charged wine tasting ('i tell u wht folks that is really nice. that is- that is bloody loveleh') .. the memories, the banter, the lovely awkwardness of 'hi it's me. n u. well here we fucking are again' ....whimpering

a grave mistake @soloorganaas

PA-LEEK !! another sirius is back from the dead au n rj lupin (chronic loserboygenius extraordinaire) has married his ex-husband's cousin (swotting his nose w a newspaper).. oh they're so messy n flawed n wonderful. (also. well. this fic is rlly hot. mhm.) HEARTBREAKING n LOVELY fic

of memories and milk thievery @mayescapade

if u haven't read this i assume u live under a v hard, soundproof rock. deserves every single bit of love .. it Bangs. silly ex-husbands steal each other's groceries n veg n it's all soso fun n beautiful.. luv it so bad, they should divorce again i think

what's in the tbr....

penciled in -nordicsun

think i'll be leaving sum big fat comments on this. it's this feeling i have.

through the gaps of sunlight @pancakehouse & art by @belleandsaintsebastian

victorian exes2luvrs r/s. r u JOKING. wht the heck this looks gorgeous

right back where we started from @soloorganaas

magic + divorce ..HIHELLOHOWRUUU. cannot believe i haven't begun this yet

you can have this heart to break @anouri

yas, u can deffo have my heart 2 break, this looks delish

labyrinth @mayescapade

'he wasn't you.' .....biting my lip.

read the tags, leave the authors love, etc.. kay bye <3

*gasps*

“Good boy.”

Carry on countdown Day 13: Devotion.

@bookish-bogwitch this one is for you.

Does Marge have friends? by  Raphael Bob-Waksberg — i’ve read this a couple years ago and it has always stayed with me…wanted to draw to it

"You survive this and in some terrible way, which I suppose no one can ever describe, you are compelled, you are corralled, you are bullwhipped into dealing with whatever it is that hurt you. And what is crucial here is that if it hurt you, that is not what’s important. Everybody’s hurt. What is important, what corrals you, what bullwhips you, what drives you, torments you, is that you must find some way of using this to connect you with everyone else alive. This is all you have to do it with. You must understand that your pain is trivial except insofar as you can use it to connect with other people’s pain; and insofar as you can do that with your pain, you can be released from it, and then hopefully it works the other way around too; insofar as I can tell you what it is to suffer, perhaps I can help you to suffer less."

- James Baldwin, The Artist's Struggle for Integrity

Zoozve, my beloved

““Mother,” I slowly repeated in Korean. “I am not a boy. I am a girl. I am transgender.” My face reddened, and tears blurred my vision. I braced myself for her rejection and the end to a relationship that had only begun. Silence again filled the room. I searched my mother’s eyes for any signs of shock, disgust or sadness. But a serene expression lined her face as she sat with ease on the couch. I started to worry that my words had been lost in translation. Then my mother began to speak. “Mommy knew,” she said calmly through my friend, who looked just as dumbfounded as I was by her response. “I was waiting for you to tell me.” “What? How?” “Birth dream,” my mother replied. In Korea some pregnant women still believe that dreams offer a hint about the gender of their unborn child. “I had dreams for each of your siblings, but I had no dream for you. Your gender was always a mystery to me.” I wanted to reply but didn’t know where to begin. My mother instead continued to speak for both of us. “Hyun-gi,” she said, stroking my head. “You are beautiful and precious. I thought I gave birth to a son, but it is OK. I have a daughter instead.””

— Andy Marra, The Beautiful Daughter: How My Korean Mother Gave Me the Courage to Transition (via a-witches-brew)

You guys just have to trust me on this one and click here okay?

I’ve always wanted to write Wilmon fic but nothing I write sounds like their authentic voice. You always manage to get them so in character, sometimes it feels like you’re secretory in the writer’s room. I guess I’m asking if you have any tips or tricks for characterizing Wille/Simon

Surprise, I’m actually Lisa

But thank you anon, that’s so sweet. Let me kind of lay out my thoughts on how I write them and hopefully that will help.

In general, I think you should always start with a character’s flaws and build their reactions to events/people from there. It’ll also give you a good starting place for whatever emotional journey you want to take them on.

For Wille’s flaws: there’s a lack of emotional maturity here. Wille’s usually not intentionally mean, but most of his flaws come from how unaware he is and how he ends up unintentionally hurting the people around him but is often unable to understand how he did so because, to him, his actions are always, completely justifiable. He’s almost emotionally stunted in a way, and he kind of has trouble identifying what he’s feeling at any given moment which is what makes him tip towards anger and frustration more often than not. He reacts poorly to situations and people he can’t control, which is a hallmark symptom of anxiety. As a result, he has trouble putting words to his thoughts in a meaningful, constructive way. He’s impulsive and stubborn and self absorbed.

For Simon’s flaws: he’s actually incredibly emotionally intelligent and very perceptive - but he uses this intelligence to be intentionally cruel when he’s angry. For example, in arguments with Wille or Sara, he uses his intellect to pinpoint exactly what he needs to say to cut them down completely. He’s very, very good at getting the last word and sometimes he gets kind of consumed by that. Simon’s definitely not the super nice approachable guy at school - he’s a cunt to Wille on his very first day, he’s loud and outspoken, and hard headed. He’s also got a slightly hypocritical streak of idealism where he’s an idealist when it comes to the things that affect him, but is sometimes unable to offer the same grace to other people, especially when he’s angry or hurt. He also has a difficult time asking for help and being vulnerable.

Wille’s positives: he’s loyal, romantic, and he doesn’t have a wandering eye, he likes being coddled a little and is unafraid to ask for it, he’s quicker to admit that he’s wrong and knows when to give in, he’s also incredibly bold and brave - he’s unafraid to be the black sheep of the family, but he still loves his family and wants them to be proud of him.

Simon’s positives: he’s incredibly selfless and wants to take care of the people he loves and genuinely likes being there for them, he likes being supported but not protected - he loves that Wille respects his autonomy and thinks he’s capable, he has a strong sense of right and wrong and he stands up for what he believes in even if it might hurt him or if he might end up being wrong. he’s also a romantic and he definitely likes grand gestures and praise.

As for their dynamic, I always liken it to that old Christmas story where the husband sells his prized pocket watch to buy his wife a set of expensive combs, only for her to have cut and sold her hair to buy him a gold chain for his watch.

Just don’t be afraid to make them fight and annoy each other and not always say the right thing. It doesn’t take away from their love in any way.

Sorry this got out of hand, but I could talk about it forever. Hopefully that was even the slightest bit helpful ❣️

Here’s a video so you can hear the water and the thrushes. I took it for you because you couldn’t be there. <3

💌 poems for the month of love 💌

Having a Coke with You by Frank O’Hara

The Quiet World by Jeffrey McDaniel

Wait For Me by Konstantin Simonov (tr. by Mike Munford)

A Kiss on the Forehead by Marina Tsvetaeva

Love by Joseph Brodsky

Your Unripe Love by Paruyr Sevak (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")

Love poem by Tishani Doshi 

Maybe Under Some Other Sky by Willie Perdomo

Warming Her Pearls by Carol Ann Duffy

Ich finde dich (I find you) by Rainer Maria Rilke

Where does such tenderness come from? by Marina Tsvetaeva

I Loved You by Alexander Pushkin

Like a Small Café, That’s Love by Mahmoud Darwish (translated by Mohammad Shaheen)

Our Story by William Stafford

The Kiss by Sara Teasdale

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.