Dealing With The Worst Case Scenario

OMG IF TUMBLR DOESN’T STOP LOSING MY DRAFTS IM THROWING HANDS! An anon asked something along the lines of “what if reader and charlie come home from stab-a-thon and a drunk tall, reader starts crying that she’s not feminine enought and charlie gets really turned on by it and eats out reader?”

Too Tall

Charlie Walker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Pussy eating, Mention of my favorite song, angst if you squint, self deprecating talk, praise, more talk of his stunning blue eyes (and the fact that he’s a short king 👑), crying, maybe slight dacryphilia, no use of y/n, taking pictures, not proofread

You stumbled over to the car and Charlie was right beside you. You looked over at your boyfriend and smiled sleepily.

“Thank you, Char.” You slurred as he opened the passenger door for you. He smiled and ran around to the other side as you got in. He started the car and you began the short drive to your house. You turned on the radio at some point in your drunken rambling and House of 1000 Corpses by Rob Zombie came on.

“Your favorite song, right?” Charlie asked you, turning away from the road for a second. You nod happily and quietly sing along as you pull into your driveway. He pulls the key out of the ignition just before the chorus and you look up at him sadly.

“But….” You whine unhappily and slump as Charlie pulls you out of the car and towards your house.

“Do you have the key?” You search your pockets for a second, before getting distracted and rambling about how weird the word key is. He sighs with a smile and searches your pockets himself, finding it immediately.

He unlocks the door and you almost trip on the step inside. You look around as if you’ve never been here before.

“Whose house is this? ‘S nice…” He face palms and smiles endearingly at you.

“It’s your house…” Charlie brings you a cup of water from the kitchen and watches as you sit on the counter and gulp it down gratefully.

You laugh a little as you look at him. He gives you a confused stare as you laugh.

“You’re so pretty, Charlie. Your eyes are fffucking gorgeous. And you're so short, it’s so cute.” Your smile slowly drops as tears fill your eyes.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, why are we crying? What’s wrong?” Charlie immediately gets concerned and has to stand on his tippy toes to wipe the tears that start to fall, and this just makes you cry even more.

Through your sobs you manage to speak. “You’re- you’re just so perfect and I’m just some kinda tall, masculine freak. I wish i was as feminine as Jill…” You look down at the ground as Charlie shakes his head repeatedly.

“No! nonononono, baby, you aren’t a freak. You’re amazing. You have the best smile, and you make me happy every time I’m near you.” He reaches up and strokes your cheek

“You make my life so much better.” He smiles before it turns into a smirk. “Can I show you how much I love you?”

You nod, confused as to what his plans are. You immediately realize as he lifts your hips to pull off your pants and underwear. You gasp as your bare butt touches the cold counter. He sinks down onto his knees and kisses your inner thigh.

“You are amazing, and beautiful, and perfect, and kind.” He punctuates each word with a kiss further up your thigh.

“And I love you.” He kisses your bare core, making you shudder.

He smiled up at you as he kitten-licked your clit and you whined, rolling your hips into his face. He kissed your opening, licking your arousal off and sticking his tongue in.

You let out a shaky gasp and threw your head back, one hand threading into Charlie’s hair. He went up to your clit and sucked softly, making you tug on his hair. He let out a moan that vibrated against you. You moaned and looked down at him.

He winked at you from between your thighs, and you grabbed your phone and snapped a picture of the perfect sight. He slid his middle finger into your opening and you buck your hips into his hand, wanting more.

He slips in his ring finger and starts to finger you while licking and sucking sloppily at your clit. You let out moans and he does too as he thrusts his hips into his free hand.

“Ahh~ I’m gonna- oh shit… I’m gonna cum, Char!” You throw your head back and moan. He pulls away and you whine unhappily. “Why? Why did you stop?”

“I want you to tell me that you love yourself. I want you to tell me that you’re beautiful and not a freak.” He smiled up at you and kissed your thigh.

You took in a deep breath and spoke. “I am beautiful and I love myself.”

He started moving again really fast and you let out a high pitched moan and you gushed all over his fingers and his face. You relaxed in his hold as the shocks of your orgasm washed over you. He groaned into you as he came in his pants.

He stood up and kissed your forehead, bringing you to the bathroom to get cleaned up and go to bed.

guys… wtf did i just make

scratt

okay but like hear me out-

dilf!schlatt.

Kai, i love you so much, you make my day so much better <3 but yes, ABSOLUTELY! (Quick after thought, I got kinda carried away so this went from an ask answer to a "I will be writing a multi-chapter fic of this v soon")

The Best Neighbor

I always imagine dilf!schlatt with a daughter so I can imagine that when you first move into the neighborhood and this sexy single father sees you, he is IMMEDIATELY asking his daughter to help him make cupcakes-

And he walks up with that fucking black button up on, feeling like a million bucks until he rings your doorbell. And he gets all flustered but he hides it well, and him and his daughter welcome you with the cupcakes. You find yourself slowly but surely getting closer to this man.

And as time goes by, you go from acquaintances to friends. And friends to besties. And besties to him fucking you over his desk while his daughter's at her friends house.

Oh look more dumbass quotes but instead its just a compilation of me and my siblings being shitheads

________________________________________

Masky: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT CAN'T YOU SEE IM EATING A CHEESE CAKE DEPRESSINGLY??!?!?!?

Y/n: I WANT YOU TO ACTUALLY SEE A THERAPIST YOU CHEESECAKE EATING FUCKER-

_______________________________________

Jeff,liu(sully actually) and sally went shopping and are returning back

Sully: WHAT THE FUCK JEFF YOU ALMOST CRASHED INTO THE MANSION

Masky comes out of the house

Masky: ARE YOU SHITHEADS DUMB??? YOU ALMOST FUCKING CRASHED INTO THE MANSION

Jeff: sorry dude but wanna know smth? I don't give a shit also i think the kid got smth to say

Sally: I don't care either!

Masky: YOU-

Sully : IM NOT WITH THEM I STG BUT I WOULD LOVE TO WATCH JEFF GET BEATEN SO INVITE ME WHEN YOU TELL THE OPERATOR

___________________________________________

Ej is listening to chemical romance

Jeff whispering to ben: look at that fucking emo i bet he still has pictures of his ex

___________________________________________

Ben: sorry i was eating cheerios on the bathroom

Hoodie: you mean in?

Y/n: nope i was in the attic with him we watched the office

__________________________________________

x-virus and y/n are shopping

Y/n: omg cody look

Points at a box of nerds

Y/n: it's you!

X-virus digs through the shopping cart y/n was pushing pulls out a box of y/n's fav candy and throws it across the aisle hitting a stranger that was facing the shelves

X-virus: come on you introverted fuck tell that stranger it was your fault

Y/n: satan fears you

___________________________________________

Ok that's all lmao looking back we do cuss alot ig it's our platonic love language

it seems pinterest is catching on

edit: OMG ITS ALL HIM NOW

THE TEARS 😭

Reblog to give Eddie a second chance

i’m testing this shit out

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

hi kai :)

my sister says hi and that she gets your horny for slashers

Kai, tell your sister that she's the fucking bomb and that I hope she's gonna be alright.

Merry Christmas darling~🔞

Billy Lenz x f!reader 

Warnings: Somnophilia, Vulgar language, The nasties✨, Classic Billy, Head (f receiving), P in V, Porn without plot, Mommy kink

Word Count: >500

A/n: this one is quite short but a lot of fun to write! This was not recommended and writers block made this my post for today. Even though its short, I think its good. Enjoy! All the loves, Shady <3

!Minors DNI!

You awoke to the sound of slurping and you yelped at the intrusion between your legs. Billy groaned as he looked up at you to see you awake. He smiled against your cunt as he stuck his tongue out. He swirled his tongue around and sucked on your clit. You threw your head back, head still foggy from sleep. You arched your back as he stuck his tongue into your pussy and moved it around skillfully.

Your vision turned blurry and you crossed your eyes when you came. Your body writhed as he held your cunt flesh to his mouth, fluids splashing into his gaping maw. He swallowed your cum with a smile on his face. He murmured something intelligible as he sat up, wiping his face.

He lent up to kiss you as he struggled to undo his belt. He pulled off his sweater when he pulled out of the kiss and yanked off his pants while mumbling about "needing to fuck his pretty piggy". He planted desperate, sloppy kisses on your neck as he rutted his hips against your thigh. 

"Such a pretty s-slut~ Such a good girl, letting Billy ride her thigh like this- f-fuucccckkkk that feels so good!~" He moaned loudly, not caring if the other girls in the house heard. He tugged off his boxers and rubbed his tip against your entrance.

He groaned as he rubbed his shaft against your nether regions. He looked up at you as he pushed inside of you. He moaned your name when he reached the hilt, your breath hitching in your throat at the stretch. He started to pound into you at a fast pace, causing you to grip the sheets and almost scream in ecstasy. 

He smiled at you as he gripped onto the headboard, the whole bed creaking against the force of his thrusts. He gripped your hip as he fucked into you.

"Such a good piggy. Letting Billy fuck her dumb. Are you dick drunk already? Billy's juicy cock too much for you? How cute~" He moaned loudly as your cunt squeezed around him at his words. 

He fucked into you faster with a gorgeous flush on his cheeks, brows furrowed. His grip on the headboard was so tight, you could've sworn you heard it crack. 

"Fucking piggy cunt feels so good. Such a sloppy cunt. FUCK! Billy loves you soooo much! Mommy!~" That was the first time you heard him call you that.

In your lustful haze you called out to him. "C-call me thAT again." You moaned out.

Billy smiled at you and nodded happily. He started loudly moaning "Mommy!" and pounding into you. You could feel the coil in your stomach. 

Tighter.

Tighter.

Tighter!

"I'm gonna!-" You cut yourself off with a scream of his name. Billy moaned loudly and fucked you through your high and into his. He mumbled and quickly pulled out and covered your thighs and stomach in his cum. He panted and looked at the mess he made.

"Naughty Billy. Made such a big mess…" He mumbled under his breath. He grabbed a cloth and cleaned his mess up before collapsing beside you

"Merry Christmas darling~"

Wow

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