Thinking About How Jeremy Knows That Jean Is Afraid Of Water But Not Necessarily That He Was Waterboarded

More drawings of my characters lol, this time Ramon got added (apprently I'm going to draw Colin with everyone but his girlfriend)

Colorized Polaroid of Sofia and Colin on a Merry-go-round

Then a picture of Ramon giving Colin a kiss ( when you're so deep in the friend zone, he lets you kiss him 🥲 )

Ramons design is definitely a work in progress, he is a newer character that hasnt actually been introduced in the story yet sooo I have no idea how I actually want him to look.

Reference picture for Colin and Ramon

Ok I just made myself so sad. I'm sitting here listening to The Devil Wears Prada : Louder Than Thunder and I imagined Aiden laying in bed screaming this song into an empty house.

"Are we meant to be empty handed, I know I could, I could be better, I dont think I deserve it"

This kid probably so desperately wanted a house full of a family being obnoxious and annoying over all the things he dealt with in his head.

If he truly was s**cidal than I feel like he would have had a lot of those moments (I remember laying in bed crying to this song, maybe I'm just reflecting😅)

I am currently laying in bed with a fever unable to sleep and Jerejean is haunting my brain...

I can play this lil scene in my head where Jean has been kinda off all day. Flinching away from everyone, hesitant to look anyone in the eyes, nearly shoved Jeremy to the ground because he accidentally snuck up beside him. After they get home Jean goes straight for his room, not bothering to turn on the light, he just hides away behind a mostly closed door. Jeremy notices the crack letting a little light in and takes it as an invitation. 'He cant really want to be alone if he didnt lock us out, maybe I can do something' so Jeremy creaks the door open and Jeans sitting on the floor, back against the bed with his head on his knees.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He doesnt respond "I cant help if I dont know the problem." He stirs a bit at this but doesnt move.

"This. You, the girls, I dont know how much i can handle" Jeremy barely hears him, he doesnt ever actaully open up, not fully. The panic sets in because Jeremy cannot mess up this opportunity, hes letting him help. But he doesnt understand what he means, so he walks over and sits across from him.

"What did we do wrong, so we can fix it. The last thing we want is to hurt you"

"Thats it, you haven't. I keep waiting for the other foot to drop, for someone to snap. I am Jean Moreau, I have never had...this. Kindness, the feeling of being..."

"Loved. Jean you are loved. By me, by Cat and Laila and Kevin. The pretty girl in the picture and I'm sure so many more. I know that must be terrifying given what you have endured, but that doesn't mean its bad. We will teach you how to be loved." Jeremy reaches out to him, gently making him look up. "You are going to be okay. Maybe not now, but one day" Jean looks up at him with tear filled eyes, so close to breaking. Unable to think of any other proof he could give him, he gives him a soft kiss on top of his head. Jeremy doesnt miss the jagged breath Jean takes and for a moment he thinks he messed up, but in the quietest voice hes ever heard from him, Jean asks "again?" So he does, he kisses his forehead, then his temple, his cheek, the other cheek, then he pulls his hands up and litters kisses over the scars on his knuckles.

"You are Jean Moreau" another kiss to his left hand "and you do not have to be scared." He leans forward and kisses his nose, "You are my Partner," the scar on his eyebrow, "you are Cat and Laila's roommate," The tears fall, "you are not a raven," he kisses those away, "and you are not what they did to you." Holding his face in his hands Jeremy makes him look him in the eye, "You are Jean Moreau and you deserve to be loved." To this, he lets it all out, breaking into a silent sob and he wraps himself around Jeremy, so he pulls him closer, puts a hand in his hair and whispers "I got you" over and over until he falls asleep.

I don't even know of this would be in character, I am not lying when I say I am delusionally sick, but I really hope we get another, more in depth moment of Jeremy conforming Jean (or vice versa 👀) 19 was a rough age for me and I didnt go through a quarter of the truama he did, he honestly needs so many more hugs.

I have been dwelling on the ravens, I need to preface this tangent with, I am not at all disregarding, belittling or excusing any of what these people have done, but I neeed to deep dive my thoughts because i cant be the only one who thought about this

Spoliers for like literally everything 😅

All of the ravens were failed, not just Kevin and Jean or even Neil. Even Riko and Greyson were failed. They were children. They were abused and manipulated and treated like they werent even people. They were forced into solitude, conditioned into violence and I can understand why most of them turned into monsters. If you really take a step back to think about it, its survival of the fittest, but being the fittest means being the cruelest, because if you were the absolute worst, no one would hurt you. 'If I become the monster, maybe I will be safe from what they do to each other'. How many times do you think the thought crossed their minds of "I cant be weak or I will end up like Jean, a punching bag, a play thing" or "If I mess up, if I dont give it my everything, they will break me like they did Kevin, but they will be more thorough this time, theyd end me" these are children, how else would they respond to these horrible conditions, how can you expect an abused dog to not attack. They are straved and beaten and beraided all for the sake of a 'game'. Greyson was a normal kid before he became a raven, and I dont think those straws would have ever broken of he hadnt become one because they probably never would have exisited. Yes, he is a horrible person now, but he didnt ask for this and in another life, he could have been someone. An older brother with a family and a goal for life, but he was no longer a brother and he had no family, only 'teammates'. I am so hoping that in one of the next books that the world sees what they did to these kids. I need doors busted down and people arrested, if Neil's uncle gets ahold of the Moriyamas, I dont want him to kill him or arrest him because he has always been weary of that, no I need him to tear down everything he has built, to show the people who he is and what his true colors are. I need the world to see that Riko was murdered because his uses ended. I need them to see that these kids are dropping like flies because they cant be people anymore, they dont know how. I want eyewitnesses and video footage making it out and it being undeniable that these kids were failed. They were supposed to be protected, loved and taught. College is supposed to be the gateway to adulthood and they were stripped of their freedom and made into machines. This breaks my heart. I know its so easy to hate these characters and to be angry, which is completely vaild and how we are supposed to view them because they are bad people, but at the end of the day they are children, they never got wymacks second chance or a found family. They didnt have a Renee to pull them out or an Andrew for protection, maybe if they had, things might have been different.

I was rereading SBG and in chapter 39, Aiden says "you seem like the type of person to only get close to those who are special to you, and I dont know how to go about that" (paraphrased)

This man is literally telling her, TO HER FACE that he wants to be someone special to her. He is so clueless when it comes to emotional interactions and just relationships in general. He doesnt know what it is to truly have a friend, and he seems scared of messing it up. He blames himself for her getting hurt and he admits he was the problem and apologizes. He basically tells her 'I care about you and I want us to be close but I have no idea what Im doing, help me to be someone to you, help me learn how to be someone for you'

AHHHH Im probably reading too much into this but as someone who didnt have friends until I was like 14, I know how easy it is to desperately cling to someone and hope with everything in your heart that they care as much as you do. He definitely seems to be doing that here and it makes my heart hurt 😭

I cannot express how accurate this edit it, I adore this

I made an Aidlyn edit

So we can all agree that at some point Jeremy is gonna ride Jeans motorcycle. I want a moment of Jeremy being nervous beforehand while Jean is going over basic safety and communication, but Jeremy is just not paying attention, so Jean does that super hot, grab the chin of the helmet maneuver, making him look up and saying something like "pay attention" or "listen to me" and Jeremy is just immediately weak in the knees like 'oh fuck, he can get hotter.' And I NEED Jean to notice, to see his eyes go wide and his face get red because the amount of times Jean has grabbed Jeremys chin, this is going to be the moment that gets them both.

When Jean gets there, its a screaming match between Jeremy and Bryson, Jeremy sobbing as he is yelling his heart out. William opens the front door at the sound of the motorcycle, an open invitation to join the dispute. Of course Bryson is pissed to see Jean (also slightly scared) but Jean just ignores him, going directly to Jeremy, getting between them and gently pushing him to the door.

"You're running away? Again." Bryson barks at Jeremy, but before he can antagonise him further or before Jeremy can response, Jean whips around, all his rage seconds from bursting.

"You ignorant, intolerant flickle minded child! You have the kindest brother anyone could ever ask for and you fucking ruin him at every turn." Bryson tries to cut in, but Jean steps closer, getting louder. "You are beyond pathetic. Just because your mommy's favorite doesnt give you the right such a brain dead waste of oxygen. If you ever make him cry again-" Jean stops, taking in a ragid breath, attempting to calm himself "Walk away from me before I start breaking bones." The death glare Jean locks on him has Bryson stepping back. Jean doesn't budge as Jeremy tries to pull him to the door, waiting for Bryson to take a few more steps back. Only when there's distance between then does be turn, keeping eyes on him and he lets Jeremy proceed him.

"Lets get you home." All of the anger in Jean voice is gone, replaced with concern and grief. Jeremy cries the whole ride, tightly clingy to Jean as he desperately tries to stop his sobbing. When Jean parks, he doesnt try to get off. Instead, he holds at Jeremy arms around his torso, grabbing his hands into his own, gently squeezing.

"I'll never let him hurt you again. I'd bury him before I let him lay hands on you." Jeans declaration is left without response when Jeremy whimpers out.

"I tried to remember. My mind went blank, I couldn't find the words. I tried-" Jean shushes him lightly, rubbing at Jeremy arm.

"We will work on it. You did good. What matters is that your home. We will start speaking french more often, with practice, you will get there." Jeremy picks his head up, resting it on Jeans shoulder. Their helmets keep them from looking at each other as they clank together.

"Thank you." Jeremy sighs out. "For getting me out of there." The relief in his tone has Jean relaxing, leaning back into his chest.

"Come on, Cat should have dinner ready by now."

as much as we all want jeremy to use the phrase to get jean to whisk him away from his abusive family, imagine if he can’t. jeremy just can’t remember. and he calls jean, sounding so broken and defeated. so tired. crying.

“I’m sorry I forgot. I’ll let you yell at me later for it, I promise. But please— can you please come get me?”

and somehow jeremy’s broken plea is so much harder to hear than the phrase would’ve been.

and of course jean isn’t going to yell at him. forgotten phrases or not, he’s going to get jeremy the fuck out of there. no question.

Take this man to get a tattoo. Take 👏 this👏 man 👏 to 👏 get 👏 a 👏 tattoo!! GAH theres nothing else that can make him reach peak hotness (big messy manbun 👀) like a tattoo can.

No but really, I can see him getting like blackberry flowers or maybe seashells in remembrance of Elodie. Something simple and sweet, very little coloring thats well shaded on his forearm or his bicep. Maybe even putting her name in fancy cursive (if he can bring himself to be so sentimental, I know he struggles to say/hear her name)

As much as I would really like to see him reunited with her (remains)

[ talked about here https://www.tumblr.com/smittenmeraki/778038352449601536/no-because-i-keep-thinking-of-neil-having-his?source=share ],

I dont think that will happen and this is a beautiful way for him to pay tribute and put her to rest.

at some point after tgr, the trojans sit cat down intervention-style

‘cat you CANNOT keep making jean hotter. you taught him how to cook. you taught him how to drive a motorcycle and helped him get his own. you’re getting him to show his soft boy side in public. you helped convince him to be a dog dad cat we CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE the whole team is obsessed with him and jeremy is DYING can you have some CONSIDERATION cat’

TGR SPOILERS

Jeremy has paid an exorbitant price for his brother's suicide, which, to be honest, wasn't even his. Noah shouldn't have been his responsibility in the first place. He's lost his family and will never get it back. The press humiliated him, the police denigrated him, his siblings and stepfather constantly insult him, his IDs have been seized, and he has no financial control to the point where he has to explain himself for buying a cup of coffee (and without ID, he can't work, so he can't make a living any other way). His family tries to isolate him by buying off his ex-partner. Bryson threatens him. Jeremy knows his future doesn't depend on him, so he decides he'll take some fun classes while he can. The guilt is so great that he seeks out dangerous and degrading sex in search of redemption. He allows his mother to boss him around, trying to get her to forgive him and love him. He's desperate for his biological father to call him.

And yet, he greets you with a fucking smile every day and tries to help his teammates as best he can and make everything as bearable for them. And yet, he tries to call Kevin and Neil to tell them not to overexert themselves when he's always so tired, he sometimes falls asleep while driving.

That's Jeremy Knox.

That's Captain Sunshine.