Eldest Daughter Gothic

Eldest Daughter Gothic

Your youngest sibling is in tears. You do not know why. Is it your fault? 

You are doing the dishes. You are always doing the dishes. You never finish. 

She loves you. She hates you. You’re her favorite. She only cares about your siblings. She never wanted to be a mother. She loves you.

You have a headache. Again. You are starting to forget what it feels like not to have a headache.

Everything is too much. You are going to shatter. But you cannot. 

If you give out, so will everything else

She is angry, ranting about something you said. You do not remember the last time you spoke. She is still angry.

Your younger sibling is ten years old. No, that can't be right. You are ten years old. They must still be an infant. But they’re graduating fifth grade now, and you realize that you are in high school. You did not notice the change.

She keeps yelling. You wonder if she is yelling at herself.

You’ve heard that 3am is meant to be unnerving. For you, it has only ever meant the comfort of being the last one left awake. Is there something wrong with you?

This is all you have ever known, so why does it feel so wrong?