The Way I See It, There Are Two Kinds Of Shame:

The way I see it, there are two kinds of shame:

Shame for doing something actually bad

Shame for doing something others/society has told you is bad

The first includes things that actually cause harm to someone, like a thoughtless comment or stepping on your dog's paw, etc. These are actions which require acknowledgement and amends.

The second is much broader, and includes everything from liking bad movies to being queer. These are things that may be unusual but are ultimately harmless. Someone or something in your life has just treated that oddity as a transgression, and one way or another you've internalized that perspective.

In my opinion it is crucially important for your well-being to be able to separate the two. If you don't, and you're treating the shame of having punched someone identically to liking a critically-panned movie, you're going to be a anxious wreck. You'll be constantly over-analyzing and policing yourself, feeling like a bad person who's just been really good at hiding it so far.

In the worst cases you might lash out at other people enjoying harmless things, redirecting your shame outward and becoming unable to distinguish truly harmful actions from those you’ve just been taught are bad.

Shame is a feeling that can really eat away at you if you let it. It's best to know when it's appropriate. If it is, you can act on it to resolve what's happened. If it's not, you can let that feeling go so it doesn't take any more from you.

More Posts from Vesperlf and Others

1 month ago
Hum

Hum

1 year ago

It's kind of based on priorities and thought process, I guess? The point of a thumbtack-braid is to make them stop, and pain is just a side effect. The point of punishing someone is to hurt them, regardless of whether it makes them stop.

Based

Based

1 year ago

you call this place "wall greens" yet its walls... are not green? how very pecuilar...

1 month ago

the way ppl have designated cuddling as a purely romantic thing and is weird outside of that context has done widespread damage to our pack animal nature

1 month ago

really cool style :)

Unyielding Tropical Storm ~ Chiara, Toa Of Lightning

Unyielding Tropical Storm ~ Chiara, Toa of Lightning

Turns out lineless works really well for bionicle :) this one is based on my own Chiara moc that I made for Visions, in which I made sure to give waist articulation to fit with the acrobatics she keeps pulling off in fights

1 year ago

we should globally ban the introduction of more powerful computer hardware for 10-20 years, not as an AI safety thing (though we could frame it as that), but to force programmers to optimize their shit better

4 months ago

sorry for being weird and evasive. i was raised to believe that having wants and needs was a moral failing

2 months ago

Ey so what was your thesis about Bionicle as a meta-narrative/story-about-stories? I´m a huge fan of meta-ficiton/meta-narratives and never thought of the series that way so your take regarding it got me really interested.

So, there’s a bunch of facets to this.

Basically, Bionicle characters know they are in a story. This doesn’t mean that they know they’re fictional characters or that there’s an audience of humans watching, but their universe designates people as heroes, villains, and bystanders/victims. The universe runs on story logic, almost to the same extent as Discworld, though with superhero comics and hero mythologies rather than high fantasy and fairy tales. The “genre savvy” characters are of a more subtle type as well. The heroes go into a situation with an expectation of how it will end, because they have some idea what their destiny is, and heroes are always expected to win, right? But they are still often surprised by the outcome, because the story they were told is only a fraction of a more complex reality.

Let’s start with the first obvious storyteller: Vakama

The backstory, as first told to us by Vakama invokes mythic tropes such as creation stories, Cain and Abel style brotherly betrayals, and heroes who arrive from a distant land. Despite the fact that the characters are clearly some sort of robots or cyborgs, we’re immediately told that their setting runs on the logic of magic and myth. So Vakama and the other Turaga, as the storytellers, give the heroes and the audience an idea of how this world works and how things will turn out. This mythic story also represents the power of stories to persist and carry meaning through time, shaping thought and belief, even after the original facts have been long forgotten.

But then Vakama pulls out the rug from under us with the reveal of Metru Nui. Suddenly the story shifts from fantasy to scifi, from humble villages in harmony with their environment to a futuristic dystopia. This time the heroes are not beloved figures of myth, but vigilantes pitted against a corrupt police state. Again, Vakama is telling the story though, and he holds control over how his audience perceives the events and characters. And yet again, he is leaving something out- the Visorak and Hordika. Initially, he intended to keep that secret. It didn’t fit the story he was trying to tell. He had a perfect character arc laid out for himself in Legends of Metru Nui in his journey from a shy, anxious mask maker into a confident hero and leader. That was all anyone needed to know, right?

The Hordika represent yet another genre shift, this time into noir/horror. The heroes do not act heroically. They do not look heroic. Their character development is often negative. They are implied to be an aberration at even the cosmic level, since the Great Temple, and implicitly Mata Nui himself, rejects them. They find out that their selection as Toa came about thanks to Makuta himself. The story has gone horribly wrong, and the heroes know it. But nevertheless, the Toa resolve their differences, teamwork saves the day yet again, the prophecy is fulfilled For That Is The Way Of The Bionicle.

Vakama has very little to do in the legends arc. Because he’s been established by now as a less than reliable expositor, it is the always truthful Nokama who drops the reveal instead: Mata Nui is dying.

Vakama’s stepping down from his storytelling role allows for the gradual reveal of another storyteller: Makuta Teridax.

Chronologically, Makuta’s first real foray into weaving the narrative around others happened in Time Trap. He constructs his own elaborate narrative around Vakama in order to manipulate his mind and behaviour. But Vakama fails to play his part as the protagonist correctly, causing Teridax’s constructed narrative to fall apart.

By the time we become aware of his role in the ignition arc, Teridax has improved his technique as a puppet master/ storyteller considerably. Almost every conflict the heroes face has been orchestrated by him, pitting minor villain groups against the heroes to give them the victories that their story requires. Teridax seems aware that heroes have to ‘win’ because Destiny demands it, so he lets them, but it’s all in service of his own ultimate victory. Instead of the ‘cross-wired’ and unpredictable Vakama, Teridax targets the dutiful but socially isolated and secretive Matoro, who he basically grooms to be the perfect little sacrifice. Matoro performs his role perfectly, and gives the heroes an apparent bittersweet victory while allowing Teridax to put the final stages of his plan in motion.

1 year ago

i want casual, everyday autism in shows. i want autistic characters who need sensory symmetry, who casually mimic anyone's touch on one side of their bodies on the other (or who have friends who do it for them). i want a friend with flashcards or signals for when their friend loses speech. i want people on video calls and body doubling when they do jobs. i want people having conversations without eye contact. i want excited stimming. i want to see someone getting really excited about the tiniest thing thats related to a safefood or a special interest. i want casual, everyday autism.

(edit: october 22, 11:04am - "nonverbal" -> "nonspeaking") (edit: october 24, 9:44pm - "nonspeaking" -> "loses speech")

4 months ago

Macklemore posted a new song on 02/12. Using imagery and lyrics to discuss how the people feel regarding Trump's administration in the US and abroad. Pinpointing on Trump and Netanyhu's plan for Gaza, but also the fascism in the US.

It's a rally cry. "They got me fucked up"

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