Zoe - Blog Posts
Have you ever watched your best friend start to like someone you HATE and you're just kinda like eh hopefully it will pass? Thats how i feel with zig and zoe and i dont feel like the feelings are fading and it makes me angry like really no i will never ship that ever
Zoe
not the best art I could have drawn but it's better than nothing
i can relate somewhat to Zoe's story...
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Zoë Kravitz for the March 2025 issue of Elle Magazine.
While on the plane to Venice after an incident
Vivienne: I was thinking to cook it overnight...
Zoe: You? Cooking? Vivienne.
Vivienne: I know it was a bad idea...
Zoe: Bad idea? The house was up in flames.
Vivienne: So apparently the "can't commit" thing is because of my abandonment issues.
Zoe: You...didn't know this?
Vivienne: I'm sorry, what?
Zoe: Nothing...nothing. You do you.
Betrayl
Eren Jaeger x female!reader
Word count: 1.6k
Warnings: none basically, making out?
Summary: You couldn't believe that Eren would betray you and your friends. As him and the Jaegerists capture your squad, an exiting talk awaits you...
Masterlist
All I could do was watch in Horror, as Eren slowly sat down at our table. Gabi next to him had the most frightened look on her face, I've ever seen.
Armin and Mikasa looked even worse. To say they were shocked, was an understatement.
"Eren", I mumbled.
He didn't even look at me, he kept his eyes focused on Mikasa. And then he started talking and talking. He said all those horrible things. I didn't even notice him anymore. Where was the Eren that I fell in love with? Where was the sweet boy, who always stood up for his people? The boy whose only goal it was to protect and fight for his island? Where was he?
"Y/N?"
I looked up from my place in the cell. It was Jean who said my name. He smiled sadly and slowly said down next to me.
"How are you doing?", he asked.
"I wish I could say that I am fine", I mumbled and leaned my head against his shoulder, "But what Eren did back at the Restaurant...I didn't even notice him. What he did to Armin and Mikasa..."
I stumbled over my own words. I couldn't say it, to afraid of it. Because as soon as I said it, I knew that it was true. That Eren had...changed, and not for the better.
"I know", Jean mumbled, "Armin told us"
A sigh left my lips, I just couldn't believe it. Why would Eren do such a thing? Why would he betray us?
"I like to believe that he's still in there, you know", Jean mumbled. I looked up at him perplexed.
"That the little suicidal maniac is still inside him, somewhere. But, I refuse to believe that he's gone."
I smiled at his words:"Hopefully you're right."
"Yeah I hope so too-"
Jean was interrupted by the sound of the cell door opening. It was Floch.
"Y/N, Eren wants to speak to you", he said and walked over to me."
"She's not going!", Jean jumped up, "Not alone"
I slowly got up and put a hand on his shoulder:"It's alright"
"But Y/N-", he mumbled.
"I just hope you're right", I said and squeezed his shoulder a bit. Jean seemed to understand and slowly stepped aside.
I followed Floch as he stepped out of the cell. I looked at Armin and Mikasa on my way out. Both of them looked concerned.
"Be careful", Armin mumbled, as I passed him. I nodded and finally stepped out of the cell. I watched as Floch closed the door and waited for him to tie up my hands, but he never did it.
Perplexed I followed him. He guided me through the building, through the floors I've walked so many times, together with Mikasa and Armin, with Jean, Conny and Sasha...and with Eren.
"We're here", Floch said and stopped in front of a huge wooden door. It was the bureau of the late Secretary, if I wasn't mistaken.
"He's waiting", Floch mumbled before leaving me alone in front of the door. He knew that I wouldn't try anything. The Jaegerists were stationed everywhere around the building. I wouldn't even make it back to the others.
So, there was only one way left and that was the door right in front of me.
I breathed in shakingly before I grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.
I glanced around the room and noticed Eren in front of the Windows. We were alone.
"Y/N", he said.
I gasped. It had been so long, since I heard him say my name. So long, since we had a quiet minute together. It was so long ago, that he confessed his feelings for me. Back when we were still cadets.
"I missed you", Eren mumbled.
He turned around and looked at me. A light smile was lingering on his face.
I didn't know what to say, so I only stepped closer to him.
He had changed so much. He was much taller now, his hair so long now, he was wearing it in a bun.
I couldn't help myself and raised my hand to softly caress his face. I watched as Eren closed his eyes and carefully put his hand on top of mine.
"I missed you too", I confessed and looked down. I couldn't bare looking at him. I couldn't bare the fact that I still missed him, after all he did to us.
"Look at me", Eren mumbled. I shook my head. I just couldn't. I already felt the tears slipping down my face. I feared that if I looked at him, I would loose my mind.
"Y/N", Eren said softly. I felt his hand slip under my chin and he pulled my face up to look at him.
He watched with a sad smile how the tears ran down my cheeks.
"I am sorry", he mumbled and slowly wiped away my tears with his thump.
"Why Eren? Why did you do all this?", I asked. My voice was so quiet and shaky, it was a wonder if he even understood what I said.
"For you", Eren said, "And for Armin, for Mikasa, for Jean, for the Captain. For everyone on this island. I did it all to save our people"
"And what about all the people who died?!", I yelled and slapped his hand away, "What about Sasha, hm!?! What about her!?"
"What happened to Sasha...", Eren pressed out, "That is something that will never happen again. I will make sure of it. I will make sure that all people of Marley will be wiped out"
My eyes widened at his Words:"What do you...?"
"I was never working together with Zeke, or Yelena. I'm only using them. All I want from Zeke is the power of the founding Titan. His plan to make all Eldinas infertile is ridiculous! That would be the end for our people!"
"So...Everything that you said, was a lie?", I asked perplexed, "Everthing that you said to Mikasa? And everything that Yelena and the Jaegerists told us?"
"It's all a lie", Eren nodded. He cautiously stepped closer to me again, "Y/N, I will always be on your side. I would never betray you. You and the Levi squad, you guys are my family. How could I betray you?"
"Eren, I-", I didn't know what to say. Of course, I Was beyond relieved, that Eren didn't betray us, but on the other hand, I didn't know if I could trust him? Was he telling the truth? What if it was just a trick?
"Y/N, I'm-", Eren started, but it seemed like he was out of words himself. So he let his actions speak.
Eren stepped forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me into his chest. His arms entangled themselves around my waist and as I looked up at him, his lips were on mine. I was a little shocked at first, but after mere seconds I gave in. Our lips moved together in sync and I felt him pulling me impossibly closer, while my hands wandered up to rest around his neck.
I felt Eren sigh against my lips and used the opportunity to sneak my tongue into his mouth. Eren was eager to respond, his lips working against mine, as we fought for dominance. But ultimately Eren won and he pushed me against the desk behind us.
"Jump", he whispered against my lips and I obeyed immediately, as I felt how he pushed his lips against my jaw and made his way down my neck. I felt Eren's cool hands slip under my uniform shirt, as he started roaming the exposed skin.
"Eren", I sighed against his shoulder, as he kissed my sweet spot. It felt heavenly.
But suddenly I remembered, What situation we were in.
I pulled away and pushed Eren off me. He looked perplexed.
"Eren, I-", I mumbled again,"Waht are you gonna do next?"
"I will-"
He was interrupted, as we heard explosions go off in the distance. The building shook multiple times and I fell off of the desk, that I was still sitting on.
"Y/N, are you alright?", Eren shouted and jumped over to help me up.
"I'm fine", I mumbled and walked over to the windows.
"It's them, it's Marley", I stated as I saw the airships, "Reiner and the others two Titans are a hundred percent with them"
"Y/N, you need to go and get the others. Explain it to them. We will need their help", Eren said and pulled me back against him.
"I am going to finish this, once and for all. But I will need your help", he said and grabbed my hand.
I was still not very fond of his plan to kill all of Marley, but right now we had no choice. They were attacking Paradis and we had to work together to survive.
"We're gonna win this", I said sternly and nodded. I felt Eren slightly squeeze my hand. He smiled and pulled me in for another kiss. He pressed his lips against mine passionately. This kiss was different then the one before. It was full of emotions and unspoken words. Words we didn't have time for now. Words that were going to be spoken in the future...Hopefully.
"I love you", Eren mumbled as we parted.
"I know", I smiled, "And I love you"
"Go now!", Eren said and pushed me towards the door. His hand left mine and I looked back one last time, the look on Erens face was concerning. He looked like he could destroy the entire world, and I was afraid that he would do exactly that...
Very similar, right?
"Does that mean there is a multiverse?"
New Beginnings
Chapter Three
Mark x Mike /Joe x Jeff/Jonathan x Gethin
It’s 2005 and Civil Partnerships have just become legal in the UK, the lives of Jonathan and Gethin will be changed forever when they adopt a little girl
”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜
previous part
Mark didn’t plan to wake up with Mike kissing his neck, but then he never planned to wake up in anyone’s arms, generally he preferred a quick fuck with no questions asked. Nevertheless, this was different, Mike was different and they had not even fucked yet because Mark didn’t want to mess up this relationship and go to fast. Instead, Mike would do everything to Mark. But Mike still didn’t like to get naked and Mark ad never seen him even without a shirt on. However, Mark didn’t understand why that felt more intimate that fucking someone, he felt like being with Mike actually meant something and he didn’t just want his cock.
Maybe it was weird that Mike didn’t want anything from Mark or he just didn’t want it at all. But right now Mark didn’t mind, he liked being with Mike and wanted to do what he wanted to do. But if that’s what Mike wanted to do, Mark didn’t care and he wasn’t about to ask him about it. Mark wasn’t sure if Mike was a virgin or not or if he was just scared or something, either way, he never took his shirt off.
That’s why Mark giggled and smiled as he woke up to Mike kissing his neck, Mike didn’t stop though, he ran a hand across Mark’s stomach and sucked on his skin. When Mike stopped, he leant his head on Mark’s chest and sighed. Mark wrapped his arms around Mike and kissed his head.
“Can’t we just stay here, forever?” Mark said quietly looking up at the ceiling.
“No, the baby’s here anyway and I want to go see it.” Mike said kissing Mark’s chest.
“The baby is not an it, she’s a she, and her names Kiera I think.” The Irishman remarked running a hand up Mike’s shirt covered back.
“If you’re going to correct me then at least get ‘er name right, she’s called Kaiira you dipshit.” Mike said poking Mark.
“Oi you, don’t correct me!” Mark joked. Mike shook his head with a smirk and sat up. Mark followed him and sat up to. Mike stared at Mark’s naked figure he never seemed to get used to and Mark started to kiss him. Pushing him onto his back Mark sat astride Mike and ran his hands up and down him.
“Mark.” Mike whispered as Mark’s hands went underneath his shirt. One of Mark’s hands traced the lines on Mike’s stomach, his fingers running up to his chest. “Mark.” Mike said again, louder this time but Mark didn’t stop. His hard-on pressed against Mike’s leg and Mark sucked on the skin under Mikes chin.
“Please.” Mark whispered close to Mike’s ear. Mike ran a hand down Mark’s stomach and brushed his fingers against Mark’s inner thigh and Mark moaned into Mike’s ear. Marks hands tried to pull up Mikes T- Shirt and Mike pulled away.
“Mark.” Mike said sitting up. Mark fell backwards onto his heels and looked down. “I’m sorry.” Mike said sighing.
“No, it’s fine.” Mark said quietly reaching onto the floor and picking up a T-Shirt.
“It’s not and I know that I’m skittish and I’m nervous and I just-“
“I said its fine!” Mark snapped pulling on his clothes. “I’m going for a walk.” Mark said walking out of the bedroom. Zipping up his jeans, he pulled on a leather jacket and headed for the door.
“Mark, please, you don’t have to go.” Mike said standing up and walking to the bedroom door. Mark stepped forward and kissed Mike, holding his neck. Pressing Mike against the wall, Mark carried on kissing him slowly.
Mike’s hands slowly made their way into Mark’s hair, he moaned slightly into the kiss as Mark pressed himself onto Mike, and in the process, pressing his leg onto Mike’s hard-on. It wasn’t poetry it was Mark, beautiful, kind, smart Mark,
When Mark pulled back, her leant his forehead on Mike’s. All was silent apart from Mike’s heavy breathing.
“I love you, Mark.” Mike suddenly said and Mark stepped backward. Slipping out of Mike’s grip, he stood there, scared and confused.
“I’ll, I’m just going to go for a walk….” Mark said walking backward into the door; he looked like a rabbit in headlights running away. Mike ran to the door.
“Mark!” Mike yelled, but Mark was already running down the stairs of the block of flats.
Mark didn’t know where to go, so he ran to the other side of London, to Steph’s house. When she saw him looking like a scared little child, she let him straight in and put the kettle on, the only thing she knew calmed Mark down was a herbal tea and a good talking to. Steph was in no way, good at consoling people, Mark came to her when he needed to be yelled at or needed to just sit somewhere where he wouldn’t be bothered. Steph could do both of those things and generally only helped Mark this much because he helped her. They were awkward and angry together and they enjoyed it.
“So… What’s happened now Monsieur Mark Ashtoné?” Steph said in a regal way with a smirk.
“Its Mike.” He said downing most of his tea.
“Oh God. Here we go.”
“He told me he loved me. Loves, I mean.” Mark put the mug on the coaster and held his hands together.
“Jesus... so what did you say?”
“I ran away.” Mark said quietly because it sounded stupid. Mark had never seen Steph so pissed off or disappointed in his life.
“You. Ran. Away. You do understand that Mike is probably the most unstable person we know and he could crack at any point. So for him to say he loves you is a colossal thing. Bigger than it is for you or I, he finds it hard to connect with most people and here you are making him feel like shit.” Steph said sternly.
“I know! Okay. I know. But I’m scared.” Mark admitted
“How do you think he feels?” Steph raised an eyebrow.
“Like shit, probably. Oh for fucks sake, why can’t I just do it right Steph? I thought I was okay and… I just want someone to want me. I don’t know if I’m in over my head or something.” Mark bit his lip nervously and leant his elbows on his knees.
“Mark.” Steph said softly taking hold of his hands. “Mike wants you. He’s loved you for such a long time and when you left for that year he… he couldn’t cope. They you came back and he was the same old Mike again. If you leave again, he won’t ever be, Mike. I’m never this unhappy about other people. Mike is like a brother to me and you’re my best friend, I love both of you and you make each other happy.” Steph continued.
“Stephy.” Only Mark called her that. “I’m so scared.”
“Mark. You can do this. I know you can. You just need to try and be a little confident. Mike will understand, just tell him how you feel.” Steph smirked up at him
“Alright. I’ll piss off.” Mark replied standing up. Steph gave Mark a hug on her tip toes and he wrapped his arms around her.
“I believe in you Marky.”
“Thanks Steph.”
“And Mark.” Steph said sitting on the floor as he headed for the door.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t be a cunt.” She laughed.
“I’ll try Stephy! I promise!” He crossed his fingers as he said it and smiled, walking out of the door.
Mark stopped by the corner shop to pick up a six pack of Carlsberg and some cigarettes. Walking out of the shop he lit one of the cigarettes and carried on down the road. Mark had been nervous, but now he was just excited to tell Mike he loved him and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and couldn’t feel scared anymore. The reality of his love for Mike became overwhelming and his eyes began to well up as he walked along the quiet back street. But he sniffed and shook away the tears.
Getting closer to the flat, Mark stepped on the cigarette and unlocked the flat door. Walking into the room, it was quiet enough with the familiar sound of BBC news playing in the background. Mark put the six pack into the fridge and noticed that Mike’s coat and keys were still there so he was here.
Walking into the front room, Mike was asleep on the sofa. His mouth slightly open, with his head leaning back onto the top of the sofa. Mark sat down, not to close to Mike, and leant his head on the back on the sofa whilst staring at the TV. Mark didn’t want to wake Mike up so he left him be.
“Mark, Mark, wake up.” Mark heard a voice in his dreams and couldn’t see anything. The voice calling his name over and over again. Mark yawned and the calling stopped, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked beside him and saw Mike.
“Mike I-” Mike cut Mark off by pressing his mouth to his. Pushing him backward and running his hand through his hair, Mike slipped his tongue into Marks mouth and tasted the tobacco and tea.
“Just shut up and kiss me.” Mark breathed, smiling.
After about half an hour of snogging on the sofa, they got a phone call from Steph. Mark picked it up and put it on speaker.
“Hey Steph! You’re on speaker just so you know.” Mark exclaimed holding the phone in front of him.
“Oh right, I assume you two made up by eating each other’s faces off, but either way you need to come and see this baby, she’s so fucking cute and-“
“Oi Steph! No swearing around her, we don’t want her to pick up bad habits!” Gethin yelled and Mark heard Jonathan recognizable laugh.
“Yeah, alright. Back to the subject, come and see this baby now because I can’t even process how much I like her. I never like children so you two need to get down here.” Steph said quietly.
“We’re just getting ready now, yep nearly out of the door, okay, on our way. Definitely coming right now.” Mark said not moving a muscle, lighting a cigarette.
“Don’t patronize me Ashton, I’ll see you later.” Steph hung up and Mark frowned, he wanted more banter with Stephy.
“Okay, c’mon. Let’s actually try, for once.” Mike told Mark with a smirk and a laugh.
“Fine, just for you, I’ll try.” Mark groaned and went into the bathroom to do something with his hair while Mike went to go and change.
They took around about twenty minutes and Mark was still putting wax into his hair as Mike hollered at his to hurry “the fuck” up. Mark sprinted along the hall and smiled with chubby cheeks at Mike, he couldn’t stay annoyed for long. Mark slipped his hand into Mike’s hand with a cigarette in the other that Mike stole half way through a drag. He inhaled the smoke and breathed it out slowly, exhausted from the last few weeks.
“Why did they want a kid?” Mark asked Mike.
“I guess they felt like they were ready for another stage in their life or something like that.” Mike said looking at the floor.
“I couldn’t have kids, no, too much responsibility and too much work.” Mark concluded inhaling.
“Yeah I suppose.” Mike said quietly, gripping on to Mark’s hand.
“Is it just me that wants a dog, like, fuck babies and all that shit. I want a puppy.” Mark exclaimed loudly and Mike smiled sadly because Mark was one of those people who just wouldn’t want children, and that hurt him because Mike loved Mark. But, he wanted a family just as much as he loved Mark.
“I wouldn’t say it’s only you.” Mike replied slowly.
“Hmm… I don’t know, anyway, you don’t want children, do you Mike?” Mark looked at Mike expectantly but there was silence.
“Anyway, here we are.” Mike said to fill the silence as he knocked on the door.
“You don’t want kids though, do you?” Mark persisted.
“Can we just leave it yeah?” Mike said quietly and Mark shut up as Gethin answered the door with Kaiira in his arms.
Later that evening, Kaiira was asleep in Steph’s arms as she sat by the window, Jonathan, Gethin, Mike and Mark sat on different sofa’s. Mark’s arm draped around Mike’s shoulders, his other hand held Mike’s. There was soft music playing in the background with the quiet words from Steph into Kaiira’s ear.
“I tell you what Gethin, you’ve got lucky there, she hasn’t cried once.” Mike smiled.
“Yeah I suppose, she doesn’t really cry except in the morning and then she’s happy the rest of the time.” Gethin looked at the baby in Steph’s arms and smiled.
“I’m going to go get a beer.” Mark said standing up. He walked outside the front door to get to the garage.
“So what’s eating you up? Steph told us that you told Mark you loved him.” Jonathan asked.
“Well, he hasn’t actually said it back yet, but I don’t really care about that. It’s ore about the fact that Mark said he doesn’t ever wants children.” Mike said quietly.
“And I’m assuming that you want children?” Gethin narrowed his eyes and Mike nodded. “Well, talk to him. Even though I can’t see Mark being a dad, I can see you as one and I’m sure that Mark would talk about it.”
“I mean, I didn’t always want a child, Gethin had always wanted a baby but I was okay with just living with him. I’d never realized how much I wanted to just look after something or someone in my life before I met Gethin. Which made me think about how I’d love to bring a child into the world with loving parents. That’s why we knew adopting would always be the option for us.” Jonathan smiled at Gethin who leant on his shoulder.
“And even after he thought about adoption, I knew he was the one that had to want this as well as me because he wouldn’t be okay with doing it to fast. You can’t force it on someone. Anyway, you and Mark have a good amount of years till you’re our age and that gives you time to think.” Gethin added.
“I suppose, I guess he’ll have to actually tell me he loves me first, but I’ll talk to him.” Mike said nervously and Gethin rubbed his hand.
“It’s okay to be nervous, really, it is.” Gethin smiled.
“Oh god what’ve I missed to make you look so scared.” Mark said with a smirk walking into the room.
“Nothing.” Mike said dismissively.
“Hey Steph, bring her over here.” Jonathan said to Steph as Mark sat down next to Mike.
Steph gave a sleeping Kaiira to Jonathan and slowly slipped her hands away from her as not to wake her. She was a surprisingly deep sleeper. Jonathan stood up and smiled at Mike.
“Here you go, you haven’t properly seen her yet.” Slipping Kaiira into Mike’s hand, Mark put is beer down on the table.
“Hello baby.” Mike whispered stroking her hair. He smiled down at baby Kaiira and her hands gripped to his jumper. “\look Mark, she has tiny little hands.” Mike smiled. Mark moved closer to Mike and looked down at the baby. He seemed transfixed whilst looking at her and slowly ran his finger along her tiny hand. In her sleep she slightly grippedhis finger in her sleep and nuzzled her head against Mike’s chest.
“Why are her fingernails still so small?” He asked softly.
“Cause she’s a toddler idiot.” Steph muttered and Mark didn’t even glance at her.
“Anyway, I’ll take her upstairs now, you two can come too.” Gethin said getting up and slowly picking up Kaiira. Jonathan kissed Kaiira goodnight and the Gethin began to walk up the stairs. Mike stood up and pulled Mark with him.
“Can you two stay with her for a bit, I’ve got to go talk to Gethin and if she wakes up she likes to have people with her.” Jonathan told Mike and Mark as he lay Kaiira down in her crib. Jonathan walked out of the room as Mike knelt in front of the crib and looked at the sleeping baby with a smile.
“She’s beautiful isn’t she.” Mike whispered as mark joined him on the floor.
“Listen Mike, about what I said earlier.-“
“It’s alright, I don’t want to force you to do anything and I don’t want to make you feel guilty either. I’m sorry.” Mike felt Marks hand on his and he looked at him.
“I love you.” Mark said quietly and Mike’s eyes were glassy as he smiled. Mark leant forward and kissed Mike softly.
Eight Years Later
New Beginnings
Chapter Two
Mark x Mike /Joe x Jeff/Jonathan x Gethin
It’s 2005 and Civil Partnerships have just become legal in the UK, the lives of Jonathan and Gethin will be changed forever when they adopt a little girl
”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜
previous part
“Jonathan. Wake up, love.” Gethin whispered close to Jonathan’s ear. Jonathan smiled as he woke up but kept his eyes closed for a second.
“Is today real?” Jonathan said through a smile.
“We’re going to get a baby today.” Gethin giggled. “We’re actually going to take a human child home with us and just to add to it, Spain is beautiful.”
“I’m so glad this was the midpoint.” Jonathan agreed.
“Today at 1 o’clock we are going to see our baby again. It doesn’t feel real does it?” Gethin said turning onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.
“I’ve never been happier in my life. Well, when I kissed you I was pretty happy, but we’re doing this together which feels more special.” Jonathan sat up and looked at the windows with the thin curtains over them that let the light stream in.
“I love you.” Gethin told him and Jonathan leant over him to give him a kiss before laughing.
They had planned to meet Kaiira, their adoption case worker Anya and Abina, a woman who worked at the orphanage in Ghana at a restaurant near the airport. They had already been assessed and visited and approved by the adoption agency and could travel back to London with Kaiira as soon as they wanted. Spain was the hosen meeting place because it was roughly between their two homes and it meant that baby Kaiira didn’t just have a massive flight from Ghana to England in one go. She could have a rest between the flights.
When the afternoon came around, Gethin and Jonathan walked down to the restaurant, Gethin held the folded up pram and his suitcase. Jonathan held his suitcase and a bag full of various things that a baby would need. They were so scared they wouldn’t be prepared so they just bought everything.
“Jonathan, oh my Lord that’s the restaurant.” Gethin said stopping in his tracks, people walked past him and Jonathan kept a tight grip of his hand.
“I know Geth, and this is where our new life starts, one where we’re going to be a family and it’s going to be amazing.” Jonathan said standing in front of Gethin with a smile. The Welshman looked petrified, his eyes were wide and he couldn’t focus.
“I’ve only just really met her but I already love her, is that strange?” Gethin asked biting his lip, anxiously.
“I know how you feel, Geth, I get it. I’m scared out of my fucking mind but, we have to be brave for Kaiira because, she needs us more than ever. We’re going to be her father’s and we’re going to love her like she was our own child and she’s going to grow up with so much love around her, with so many people that care about her and want to help her. She’ll know that she is loved and that’s what we can do, that’s what we will do. So c’mon, let’s be brave now.” Jonathan hugged Gethin and Gethin breathed deeply near Jonathan’s ear.
When they got to the restaurant they had their things taken to a clothes locker room where they got stored. But Gethin kept a toy giraffe in his pocket. They sat down at a booth table that faced the entrance. Gethin had never shook more in his life, his leg was moving up and down nervously, and he tapped the leather on the seat constantly. From over the table, Jonathan held Gethin’s hand in an attempt to calm him down, but his Welsh boyfriend was still trying to calm down.
“Oh my God. Jonathan, there’s Anya, she’s right there with that woman Abina carrying Kaiira. Oh my God it’s happening and they’re here. I’m going to cry Jonathan, I am going to cry.” Gethin said quickly and they both stood up as the women came through the door. But Jonathan was trying to focus on not fainting, rather than Gethin, but he smiled broadly as they came through the door.
The two woman came over and smiled, Kaiira was holding on Abina’s shoulder, resting on her hip with a protective arm under her.
“I’m so happy to see you again!” Abina exclaimed. Gethin and Jonathan shook the women’s hands and sat down. Then they all sat down, Kaiira was sitting on Abina’s knee and gazing around.
“She’s here.” Gethin said trying not to cry.
“You two sit there.” Abina said picking up Kaiira off of her lap. She smiled down at Kaiira and lifted the giggling child up, walking around the table, Gethin began to cry and smile at the same time as baby Kaiira was put into Jonathan’s arms. Gethin peered down at her and wiped his eyes. Her eyes were still as beautiful as he remembered a light pastel blue colour that Gethin had never found so beautiful.
In Jonathan’s strong hold she looked safe and it looked right for her to be in his arms. Jonathan smiled down at her and let her take hold of his thumb. Gethin pulled out the toy giraffe and slowly held it in front of Kaiira. She giggled and grabbed it. She sat up on Jonathan’s knee and began to investigate the toy.
“She’s a very curious child; she does that a lot, always looking at things for a long time.” Anya told the two. “But now we just need to sign a few things so that you understand the responsibility your undertaking and all of the legal business.” Anya smiled bringing out a few documents.
“But I will say you are the most reasonable, and the nicest couple we have ever dealt with, everyone else is either difficult or annoying.” Abina told them with an encouraging smile.
“She isn’t wrong, I must say. So if both of you could just sign here, it proves that we hand over the parental responsibilities to you.” Both signed. “Then just here, this proves that you will accept that the agency have the right to take the child in question if you do not obtain the requirements of being the parental guardian.” They both signed. “And finally here, this proves that to your knowledge you are suitable parents for the said child.” They hesitated for a second and then signed, Jonathan the Gethin.
“So, here is the baby bag I promised you.” Abina lifted up a satchel type bag that looked waterproof with the plastic covering. “It’s got all you’ll need for the flight, or possibly need. Make sure to change her before you get onto the plane because in planes it’s not very convenient. But you’ll be fine, so don’t worry.”
“Now all of the legal agreements have been carried out. We can talk about childcare. This is off the record, just so you know.” Anya said with a smile, her professional looking suit with raked back hair in a bun wasn’t so menacing anymore. “So do you have a playgroup?”
“Yes, and it’s a ten minute walk from where we live, the group moves up together so that the kids can make friends. We’ve already met some of the parents from the group and they’re all really nice, so we’re looking forward to that.” Jonathan told Anya.
“Great, and what about babysitting and taking care of Kaiira while one of you is at work?” Anya asked, Gethin was pretty sure this wasn’t completely off the record so he replied carefully.
“Well I work at home because the bookshop I own is below our flat, Jonathan has his acting and gets some weekdays off, so she would never be alone. But, with the issue of babysitting, well, there is no issue. We have about nine close friends that all live near us in London who would babysit anytime we needed them to. We also have two friends living opposite us, who have expressed their excitement for the baby to come.” Gethin replied, trying to show that they were ready for this baby.
Kaiira turned around and looked at Gethin, she tried to stand up and was helped by Jonathan to walked across his lap onto Gethin. Gethin held her hands and smiled at her as she bounced up and down on Gethin’s legs and laughed. Jonathan stared lovingly at the two and leant back onto the leather sofa.
“Do you two want a picture of you and the baby? It’s what most adoptive parents like to look back on, their first meeting.” Abina said and Gethin brought a phone out of his pocket then handed it to Abina. Gethin turned Kaiira around so she was sitting on his lap, Jonathan sat close to Gethin.
“Smile for the camera!” Abina exclaimed and the memory was preserved by that tiny little camera phone.
The plane journey had been surprisingly easy because Kaiira just fell asleep on Jonathan. Gethin also fell asleep on Jonathan but he didn’t mind, the two people he loved most in this world were with him and he didn’t care if they looked strange.
When they finally got home it was the evening, Kaiira was in her pram as they walked down the quiet London street. Getting out the keys, Jonathan unlocked the door and pulled the suitcases up the stairs and the baby bags whilst Gethin slowly unbuckled the pram and took Kaiira out, he slowly carried her up the stairs, as slow as he’d ever walked in his life.
Gethin walked into the room right next to theirs that was dimly lit by fairy lights and a night light in the plug socket. The was a mobile above the cot that was padded with blankets and had a waterproof lining. He put baby Kaiira down delicately and she moved a little before just breathing and sleeping. Her tiny breathes were so perfect and pure and it made Gethin want to protect her till the day he died. Gethin sat down next to the crib on a chair and Jonathan joined him, they just watched Kaiira sleep.
“I still don’t believe this is real.” Gethin told Jonathan leaning on his shoulder.
“C’mon you, you need to go to bed, I’ll stay up for a bit then I’ll join you.” Jonathan told Gethin quietly. Gethin stood up and kissed Jonathan, with one last look at the cot, he walked into his own bedroom.
Jonathan stared down at his little girl and smiled, her curly black hair in soft tufts and tiny little hands and feet and everything. She was just so perfect that Jonathan knew he would never let anything jeopardise that.
The next morning at around 8 a.m. Kaiira began to cry, Jonathan woke up first and rubbed his eyes. Swinging his legs around onto the floor he pulled on a shirt and walked into her bedroom. Jonathan smiled as he saw her holding the sides of her cot on her knees, even though she was crying he was happy to see her. Jonathan lifted her up and starting walking around and rocking up and down, he stood in front of the window and looked out at London, the busy streets and commuters up early felt like home. But Kaiira was probably used to different sounds rather than busy streets.
After changing Kaiira’s nappy, Jonathan walked into his bedroom where Gethin was still asleep. Sitting down on his side of the bed Jonathan let Kaiira sit in the space between him and Gethin, who still hadn’t woken up. It wasn’t unlike Gethin to not wake up to wake up, but Jonathan didn’t mind, he liked to see his boyfriend peaceful. He wasn’t worried or angry or scared, just peaceful for once. He also enjoyed nights out with the group because everyone was so happy. Politics was a banned subject so everyone was laughing and smiling, well, and drunk. But he supposed there wouldn’t be so much of that now. Although Jonathan didn’t mind the alternative of taking care of Kaiira.
When Jonathan’s alarm went off at 9:30a.m, with an annoying beeping from the radio, Gethin woke up and sat up. He didn’t open his eyes until he felt a hand on his arm. Looking down he saw Kaiira.
“Hello my lovely!” Gethin exclaimed, completely changing from the tired man he had been a couple of seconds ago. “What’s she doing here?” Gethin asked with a smile.
“She was crying because she needed her nappy changed. So I did that and brought her into here, you were so peaceful so I didn’t wake you up.” Jonathan said kissing Gethin.
“She’ll probably need someone formula now.” Gethin told him rubbing his eyes. “I’ll do it because you’ve already been up. C’mon little one, up we get.” Standing up, Gethin picked up Kaiira and started to walk downstairs.
Jonathan rubbed his face with his hands and stood up. He looked outside and saw the café, He glimpsed at a blonde figure walking past the window and a taller brown haired figure putting out chairs. Jonathan smiled to himself and couldn’t wait for the boys to meet Kaiira.
“Jonathan!” Gethin called from downstairs. “Come look at this.” Jonathan turned around and went down the stairs into the kitchen. “Look, she’s doing it all by herself.” Jonathan looked at Kaiira sitting in her baby chair; the yogurt pot was on the plastic table. The lid was already off and she was feeding herself with the blue plastic spoon. It may have been messy, with yogurt on her bib and the table but she liked to do it herself.
“Is it weird that we’re so happy that she’s eating by herself, I feel like it’s strange that we’re happy.” Jonathan added sitting down at the table next to Gethin.
“I have no idea but I don’t care. Parents are weird, we’ve just joined the club.” Gethin gave Jonathan a kiss just as the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it.” Gethin said pushing his hair backward.
Pulling his chair up to Kaiira’s highchair, she dropped the spoon on the table and started to dip her finger into the yogurt put and eating it but Jonathan stopped her and grabbed a tissue.
“No, c’mon eat with your spoon sweetheart.” He wiped her fingers and she smiled, he picked up the spoon and scooped up the last of the yogurt, holding out the spoon, she opened her mouth and ate it.
“Mmmmm.” Kaiira said loudly, clapping her hands together with yogurt around her mouth. Jonathan wiped her mouth as Joe and Jeff came into the kitchen.
“Oh my Lord, she’s so precious!” Jeff exclaimed. “Can I hold her? Please!”
“God Jeff she’s not a dog.” Joe told him as he put the kettle onto boil.
“Indeed. But yes you can, but she’s just eaten so if she’s sick on you, don’t blame me.” Jonathan smirked while he took off her bib. “Hello darling, you’re going to go see Uncle Jeff now.” Kaiira giggled as she was handed to Jeff and she smiled at the blonde 22 year old.
“Hello baby. I’m your Uncle Jeff, I’m the best Uncle here, better than horrible Uncle Joe over there or any of your other Aunts and Uncles. You’re going to be the best little girl that’s ever been and I am going to be your favourite.” Jeff smiled a toothy grin a Kaiira reached out to touch the collar of Jeff’s leather jacket. Then she fell forward and put her arms around his neck, they didn’t reach all the way around put she gripped onto him anyway. Gethin smiled at the two, standing behind Jonathan he rested his arms on his boyfriends shoulders.
“So how are you Bromley. I suppose I should ask whilst your boyfriend becomes best friends with my baby.” Jonathan asked as Bromley. Bromley poured the water into the various mugs and turned around.
“I’m good, I’m going to try and get into media college or a photography programme, I’m not sure yet but I’m looking at a few with Jeff on the weekend.” Joe picked up a mug and took a sip.
“Good! I’m glad you’re branching out and looking toward the future, perhaps you’ll turn into me and Geth and just grow old together.” Jonathan joked and Joe smirked but looked a little surprised by the idea.
“Stop scaring ‘im.” Gethin muttered kissing Jonathan’s head.
“Can I keep this baby?” Jeff asked as Kaiira pulled his sunglasses off his head.
“No.” Jonathan, Joe and Gethin said at the same time.
“Okay fine! I’ll just steal her in the middle of the night. Come here Joe.” Jeff said looking at the lanky young man standing against the kitchen counter. “Take her for a second; you’ve always been bad with people so maybe babies are your forte.”
“I don’t think that’s a good-“Joe started.
“Oh just get over here you big idiot.” Jeff demanded and Joe left the mug on the counter, walking over to Jeff. Kaiira laughed, looking up at Joe and held her arms out to him. Joe picked her up from under her arms and rested her on his hip, much as Abina had. Joe rocked back and forth with her and smiled down at her.
“She’s got beautiful eyes.” Joe said looking at Gethin. “You’re going to grow up with so much love, Kaiira, everyone here loves you, and there’s more people you haven’t even met yet.” She giggled and began to suck her fingers.
“This baby is going to be spoilt by us.” Jeff told Jonathan.
next part
New Beginnings
Chapter One
Mark x Mike /Joe x Jeff/Jonathan x Gethin
It’s 2005 and Civil Partnerships have just become legal in the UK, the lives of Jonathan and Gethin will be changed forever when they adopt a little girl
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“Joe!” Jeff yelled from the kitchen.
“Yeah!” Joe yelled from the office.
“What’s frangipane?” He asked and Joe laughed to himself. He walked into the kitchen and found Jeff staring at the Delia cookbook with a concentrated face.
“I told you I’d do the baking. You’re good with people.” Joe said wrapping his arms around Jeff’s neck and leaning on his shoulder.
“Yeah, I know. But I just wanted to try! So, what is this frangipane thing?” He asked again and Joe giggled, Jeff hit his arm playfully and leant onto him.
“It’s this creamy filling that goes into sweet pastry; it’s got almonds in it. You eat it all the time in my raspberry tarts. You just don’t know it.” Joe said close to his ear. Jeff giggled girlishly and kissed Joe’s arm.
“Hmm. Well, I wouldn’t want to stop those being made. I’m gonna go do the paperwork. You do this.” Jeff stood up and looked at Joe. Giving him a smirk he kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the room. Joe’s eyes followed his arse as he left. “Make some good pastries Bromley!” He called and Joe laughed.
Suddenly there was the sound of the bell in the café itself.
“God, the service here is shocking!” It was Jonathan. Joe ran out to see Gethin and Jonathan there, running around the desk he hugged both of them through laughs and jokes. Jeff soon came around with a yell and they were all laughing.
Jonathan and Gethin had been away for about a month travelling in Europe. But had also been going to as many gay bars as possible… It wasn’t a secret that a gay bookshop and a café owned by a gay couple were opposite each other. They knew the people that came around here, it was either gays or any other sexuality involving a same sex relationship or curious straight people who, expected a gay strip tease using pastries or, everyone to be grinding on one another. Yeah, I mean It’s not all straight people, but… the majority of straight customers in these two shops are there for a good time.
“Mike’s been running the shop just fine, with some help from Mark.” Jeff told Gethin raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah, are those two together now?” Gethin asked.
“Well, if you saw them together you’d think so. But they haven’t actually said it straight out. But being honest, Mike would shut the shop about twenty minutes early and then go back to the flat to see Mark, they’re still roommates. So, I can assume and usually I am right. ” Joe laughed at Jeff. “Shut up Bromley, I, am, always, right! Anyway. I would say so, but it’s Mark and Mike, the two most secretive people in the world.”
“I’d say they’re sleeping together.” Joe said.
“Alright Joe, don’t get cocky, we both know who is usually right out of us two, just because you want to be a dear and copy me doesn’t mean you have to.” Jeff gave Joe a kiss on the cheek and Joe rolled his eyes.
“We actually have our own announcement we’d like to tell everyone tonight, could you get everyone to come to ours at around 9?” Jonathan said linking his hand with his boyfriends.
“Oooh. I am excited!” Jeff squealed.
“Yeah, well we want you to be because I’m nervous as hell.” Gethin told the two younger men.
“Don’t worry Gethin, whatever it is we’ll almost undoubtedly agree with what you’re doing. “ Joe told him encouragingly.
“Thanks you two. We’ll see you later, got to go buy some food and drink for later.” Jonathan said as they headed for the door.
“Bye!” Joe and Jeff called.
“What do you suppose the news is?” Jeff said later on sprawled on the bed wearing only his boxers and a shirt.
“You don’t think they’re getting a civil partnership do you?” Joe asked taking off his belt.
“Well. It could be, but I don’t think so, Jonathan would have planned a grand dinner party with topless waiters and dick shaped cakes and top quality Tesco champagne if it was. It’s just a meet up so it’s something less grand but still important.” Jeff told Joe staring up at him with doe eyes. “But I mean it's just become legal, and they were one of the first to celebrate when it was passed.”
“I suppose so, but I think you might be might, but what else could they want to tell us?” Joe lay next to Jeff on the bed.
“If they’re moving to Wales or something I’m not letting them leave.” Jeff told Joe defiantly and Joe put an arm around Jeff. They lay together, Jeff leaning on Joe’s chest whilst Joe had a protective arm around Jeff.
“Shhsh now. They’re not going to leave.” Joe knew how much the two older men meant to Jeff. Not only were they his role models, they had helped him numerous times on various occasions, with anything from family troubles to personal struggles, finding a boyfriend or just shopping. Jeff had never respected anyone more than Gethin and Jonathan.
“I can’t lose anyone else.” Jeff muttered and buried his head in Joe’s shirt.
“I know.” Joe replied kissing Jeff’s head.
When 9 o’clock came. Everyone was there in that small front room upstairs, the whole group. Joe and Jeff stood at the front with Steph, Reggie and Ray were near the back next to Mark and Mike who stood closer than usual. Zoe and Stella each had a beer in hand and were on the sofa laughing, everyone was loud and rowdy until Gethin and Jonathan stood up in front of everyone. Jeff cheered and Steph laughed as the noise died down.
“So, we’ve got some news. We wanted to tell you earlier but we weren’t certain until now.” Jonathan started and he looked at Gethin.
“We just want to tell you now before we blurt it out and we wanted to tell you all.” Gethin added with a smile.
“Well, Geth? Do you want to tell them?” Jonathan asked smiling broadly.
“No, you do it.” Gethin replied with a smirk.
“Ugh, will someone just tell us!” Steph announced and the room laughed. Jonathan nodded at Gethin.
“Well, as you all know, we’re both males so we obviously can’t naturally have children and we can’t give birth. We thought about surrogate but instead over the last few months we’ve been going over the adoption process.” Jeff began to smile broadly and Steph looked happier than she ever had before.
“And we didn’t tell you before because adoptions take such a long time, but in two weeks, we’re going to be walking through that door with a three month old baby girl.” Jonathan finished and the group erupted into cheers. Jeff leapt up and hugged Jonathan and Gethin, everyone was hugging and laughing until they all came together into a massive group hug with Gethin and Jonathan in the middle.
“Oh and I’m sorry we didn’t tell you about going to Ghana, we’ve been there the last month rather than travelling Europe. But we didn’t know if our application would be approved.” Gethin said in the midst of the group.
“It’s fine. I mean Mike and Mark didn’t mind. We know that.” Steph said somewhere in the middle.
“Oi Steph, i’ll get you when we’re out of this.” Mark said loudly and Steph laughed.
“This baby is going to have so many aunts and uncles, because obviously we will be your child’s adoptive slash pretend relatives.” Reggie told the group.
“Hah. Agreed.” Jeff announced. “If you don’t let me be your baby’s fake uncle I will just turn up and become one.”
“Okay Okay! You can be fake uncles and aunts! I mean she won’t have any real ones anyway because wedon’t have any siblings. So you might as well be.” Jonathan sighed and Jeff giggled in excitement.
Later on, they were all sprawled on chairs or the sofas with soft music playing in the background. Everyone was hugging their partner except Jeff, Joe and Steph. Steph was Bromley’s best friend and him and Jeff both knew she felt lonely. So in these situations, they would always refrain from the romance stuff and just talk to Steph.
“So what are you going to call her?” Steph asked Jonathan and Geth.
“We thought about Dorothy, but decided it was a too stereotypical gay dad to name your child after someone in a musical. So we went for Kaiira Elizabeth Roberts-Blake, a bit of a mouthful, but we like it.” Jonathan said with a laugh.
“Oh my lord I want to meet this baby now!” Jeff announced. “She is going to be baby sat by me, Joe and Steph any time you want. I love children and they love me, so.” Gethin laughed.
“Yeah I suppose, but I’m still petrified I’ll be a bad dad.” Gethin said.
“Um… shut up Gethin, you’re going to be an amazing dad, just like you’re amazing at everything.” Jeff told him.
“I hope so anyway.” Gethin said leaning on Jonathan’s shoulder.
Two Weeks Later-
Chapter Two
Wallpaper Zoe Nightshade
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