Starting Tomorrow I Will Be A Real Person In This World

girl: ahh i've just been dealing with a lot y'know? it's like the world wants me dead haha

me (completely stonefaced): i will be your shield

her: what?

i don’t think sex on tv is appropriate unless you see the cock otherwise it’s manipulating the viewer and basically gaslighting the audience

"will you match my freak" no. i'm freakier than you. this is a competition and i'm winning

*covered in blood* I'm literally fine guys. im still funny. Would you like to hear a joke Im going to tell you a joke

i need every human being on earth to love me

puppy want a treat?

puppy want a fucking break from it all

dont be afraid to be a cunt ... its the only thing we have left ...

i’m trying to have a yaoi moment with you. man to man i’m trying to have a yaoi moment with you right now

You all hate me and my longsword and full plate armor

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" nah fuck that I would. Actually if I could choose to have any superpower, I'd want the power to make people feel whatever I've felt at any point of my life, at my choice. Someone mildly inconveniences me, I'm letting them have 30 minutes of being five years old and trying to learn how to cry silently because you know nobody's coming to help you and if someone hears you, they're coming to make it worse. Fuck you and your eyebrows.