Bloodweave - Blog Posts

remember how young and scared we were?

I feel this in my bones.

I don’t know how to explain the turmoil these gay old men put me through on a daily basis.

Feels like falling and snuggling in a bed made of poetry

The Art of Not Admitting a Thing (1/2)

Summary: Something's going on between Gale and Astarion... you're sure of it. So naturally, you decide to investigate. Who knew that one simple question would reveal such a mess of longing, denial, and a master class in emotional avoidance?

Rating: T Word Count: 1177 Pairing: Astarion x Gale Content: First Person Gale POV, interview format, mutual pining, yearning, denial of feelings, character study, Gale is bad at feelings, fluff, a teensy bit of angst but not much!

A/N: So here we have my first ever Bloodweave! I am both exceedingly nervous, and very excited about it. I've had ideas in mind for Bloodweave for months, but actually writing these ideas and sending them off into the big, wide world has been a rather intimidating affair. But we're finally doing it! And what better way for me to dip my toe into Bloodweave waters than by being incredibly predictable and writing yet another first person fic?

Chapter 1: "What do you think of Astarion?"

What do I think of Astarion? Well, that's a rather loaded question, is it not? Not that I don't have an answer, of course. No, quite the opposite, actually. I have too many answers, all vying for precedence. Because, you see, Astarion is not the sort of person one can sum up in a single sentiment. He is… how shall I put this? He is an equation with variables that simply refuse to behave. Utterly unsolvable.

Come now, don't look at me like that.

It’s just that Astarion is - well, to put it plainly - a lot. A relentless force of nature wrapped in silk and a layer of his own smugness. He walks into a room and suddenly you're aware of him. No, not just aware - attuned. It's all deliberate, of course. All part of the performance.

Yet, somehow, despite knowing it's all a performance, I still find myself watching.

And it's not just his presence. He's also clever, which is, dare I say, the most irritating thing about him. Not just sharp-witted, but… strategic. He understands people, knows exactly where to sink his teeth. Not just the literal ones - though those certainly warrant consideration - but also the more subtle. A smile, a look, a well-placed word. He plays people like instruments, plucking their strings just so, and I… Well, I have spent a great deal of time telling myself that I, of all people, should be immune to such things.

Alas, I am not immune. 

Which, of course, presents something of a metaphysical conundrum. Feelings, after all, are best understood when dissected. Laid bare and examined like lines in an ancient tome. One does not simply experience something without questioning its nature, its source, its… implications. No, the wise approach - the rational approach - is to study it with the same rigour that one would apply to any magical phenomenon. To categorise it, to determine whether it is genuine or merely some arcane anomaly. A peculiar resonance of the heart, if you will.

And so, in pursuit of intellectual honesty, I find myself studying Astarion with perhaps more dedication than strictly necessary. Any lingering thoughts are purely academic, I assure you. Elminster once told me that understanding the world means understanding its people, and what is Astarion if not a mystery to be unravelled? The way he moves, the way he speaks, the way he wields his beauty like a blade.

… Yes, he is beautiful, but that is besides the point. The point is–

…

I've lost the point.

That's what he does to me, you know. He derails my thoughts. I'm speaking perfectly rationally one moment, and the next, I'm somewhere else entirely, wondering if that grace comes naturally to him. If, behind closed doors, he rehearses those cutting remarks, those honeyed words.

Of course, I’m hardly special in that regard. I’ve seen him turn those honeyed words on just about everyone. He gives people what they want with such artful sincerity that they can’t help but believe him. He doesn’t mean it - not truly. And I would be a fool to imagine I’m any different. The world is his stage, and he is quite the performer.

And yet…

There are things about him. Real things. Beneath those rakish charms. I see them sometimes, in the quiet moments, when he doesn't realise anyone's watching. A weariness. A wariness. He's always aware, it seems. Of every room he walks into, of every person in it, of where the exits are. I recognise that sort of awareness. It's the kind you learn when you have been made someone's pawn for too long. When you've spent years convincing yourself that you're the one holding the strings, only to realise the strings are wrapped around your throat.

It unsettles me.

Dare I say, it even hurts me.

Not that I would ever say so. I doubt he would ever want to hear it. I doubt he would believe it.

And, anyway, it's not as if–

Not as if what?

No, truly, what was I about to say? That it's not as if I care? That would be a lie. That it's not as if I think about him more than I should? That would be another.

Perhaps I should stop talking.

…

You know, there was a time where I thought myself above this sort of thing. I thought I understood love completely. How could I not? I had experienced love in its most divine form - quite literally, in fact. My devotion to Mystra is… was… something transcendent. Something cosmic. I thought that was all love could be. All it should be. That anything less would be settling for a pale imitation of true devotion.

But lately, I find myself wondering if perhaps I’ve been rather short-sighted about the whole thing. Mystra herself appears in many forms; adapts to what her followers need. Perhaps love is similar - not always a grand, cosmic force that reshapes reality, but something more… subtle? The way a person looks at you when they think you aren't watching. The way their voice changes when you say their name. The way they make you feel like you are something more than what you were before. 

But if I did feel something - hypothetically, of course - it would hardly matter. Because what could I possibly offer him? A man who’s spent centuries under the control of another, only to find himself finally tasting freedom… What could he possibly want with someone like me? A wizard with borrowed time, carrying within him a responsibility so great that I am expected - destined - to lay down my life for it?

I’ve seen the fire in his eyes when faced with that which threatens to cage him. That fierce, burning defiance - the look of a man who has faced centuries of servitude and vowed never to be chained again. And what would I be, if not another form of binding? Another tragedy waiting to unfold? No. No, I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing to do with such complications.

And yet… sometimes, I wonder.

If things were different - if I were different… If my fate weren’t already destined to end in sacrifice, would he look at me differently?

If he did - and that’s a big “if” - would I be so willing to accept that fate? To willingly embrace my end, if it meant never knowing what this - what we - might have become?

I was so sure the answer was simple. But then he looks at me, and for just a moment, I feel something I thought was long beyond my grasp. A foolish, reckless thing. It makes me hesitate.

And hesitation, well… that’s dangerous, isn’t it?

But stranger things have happened.

… Perhaps I have rather a lot to think about.

But I believe I’ve taken up quite enough of your time with these philosophical meanderings. No doubt you have better things to do than listen to a wizard ramble about matters of the heart. Besides, I have some rather important reading waiting for me. Something about… well, anything other than this conversation, really.

Masterlist can be found here!

No Pressure Tags: @roguishcat, @davenswitcher, @silverfangmarks, @sparrowbard, @chonkercatto, @stokzr , @trafalgarussy , @asterordinary , @bite-me-tonight , @transparentkittenheart , @vividiana (thank you for being so supportive with this one <3), @bg3-fanfic-reblogs

Hey there! I hadn’t shared this illustration yet, and I was super excited to finally show it to you👀✨🔮💜❤️

You put the stars to shame…

A sketchbook spread based off two amazing cosplayers (insta) Seconddegreebryne and (insta) Unicorntrs with photography by (insta) dfundanophotography !

Sorry it’s been a little bit since posting, working to find inspiration again post art grad. Turns out two semesters of heavy art classes are very tiring 🌹

[ WIP - 4/7 ]

COMING SOON @ ARCHIVECON || 6/21 - 6/23

Masterlist of my writing (AO3)

Hey everyone! I write for a variety of fandoms, and thought I'd make a masterlist to help promote some of my work! If you like any of my stuff, let me know! I love reading comments, even though I'm bad at responding to them.

THE QUARRY:

If I Seem Dangerous, Would You Be Scared? (Dylan/Ryan) INCOMPLETE WIP

X-MEN:

We Fear That Which We Cannot Understand (Charles Xavier & Darwin)

Dialed Up To Eleven (Charles Xavier/Eric Lehnsherr)

Silk and Lace (In Black and Red) Can Drive a Man Right Off His Head (Charles Xavier/Eric Lehnsherr) INCOMPLETE WIP

DOCTOR WHO:

Would You Like To Stay For Dinner? (Would You Like To Stay Forever?) (Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones/Jack Harkness) INCOMPLETE WIP

BALDUR'S GATE 3:

Their First Night of Many (Astarion/Gale, Bloodweave)

A Quiet Evening (Astarion/Gale, Bloodweave)

You Need Not Face The Darkness Alone (Astarion & Gale, pre-slash)

DUMBGEONS AND DRAGONS (PODCAST):

Together, We Can Weather The Storm (Thia Amastacia/Flint Firebeard/Nulara Moonbrook)

The End of the End, and the Beginning of a Beginning (Thia Amastacia/Flint Firebeard/Nulara Moonbrook)

BBC MERLIN:

Just Another Monday (Merlin/Lancelot, Mercelot)

Secret Keeper (Merlin/Lancelot, Mercelot)

Guilt and Ghosts (Merlin/Lancelot, Mercelot) INCOMPLETE

Nightmares (Merlin/Lancelot/Gwaine, Merwaincelot)

Death of an Immortal (Merlin/Lancelot, Mercelot) Temporary Character Death

Camping (Gwaine & Everyone (except Arthur), Platonic, pre-slash)

LORD OF THE RINGS:

The King's Bathhouse (Éomer/Faramir, Éomer/Faramir/Aragorn)

Comfort In The Dark (Éomer/Faramir)

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON:

To Dance Beneath The Stars (Bruno Madrigal/Hiccup Haddock, slash or platonic, crossover)

ENCANTO:

To Dance Beneath The Stars (Bruno Madrigal/Hiccup Haddock, slash or platonic, crossover)

If The Sky Comes Falling Down (Bruno Madrigal & Mirabel Madrigal, platonic) INCOMPLETE

FANTASTIC BEASTS:

Pure of Heart (Newt Scamander & his creatures)

CRIMINAL MINDS:

Career Day (Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid) INCOMPLETE

Would You Be My Safe Space? (Spencer Reid & Jason Gideon, Spencer Reid & Penelope Garcia, platonic, wingfic) COMPLETE, but the first in an INCOMPLETE series

MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE:

Injured...Yet Again (Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Pepper Potts)

Studying The (Actual) Civil War Sucks (Peter Parker & Tony Stark)

Under Open Skies (Perhaps We Can Heal) (Clint Barton/James "Bucky" Barnes) INCOMPLETE

ORIGINAL WORKS:

Mirror Image (poetry)

Since I joined the bloodweave brainrot Discord I’ve been really vibing with all of them! So I drew bloodweave in this art meme as a treat! Featuring Gale’s poor knees

meeting the family 😌

i've been thinking about them again

remember how young and scared we were?