Disappointment - Blog Posts

Wow, this is much better consequences than I imagined. And it only took an almost suicide....🔨⚒️📐📏🖇️

Daminette December 2023: 29-Disappointment

Marinette watched in disappointment as everything about Françoise Dupont was revealed. She thought she would feel justified, feel happy. Instead, she felt nothing. Caline Bustier had been fired in the middle of class. Lila had been arrested. They didn't tell the class anything; they just told them their parents were there and they had to speak to them before they left. Even their parents seemed confused.

Adrien stood with Natalie in a line. Everyone was spaced out. They had all been told that the students weren't allowed to talk to each other and if a pone was seen, it would go straight into police custody. Adrien looked behind him to see Marinette leaning against her father's large frame and her mother stroking her hair.

Once they were led into a room, they were all let out through a different direction to make sure there wasn't anything yelled out. When it was Adrien's turn, they quickly learned this was mostly about Lila Rossi. Natalie began to ask questions of her own, as they had hired her. At the end of the session, they were told to head straight home. No one was allowed to stick around on campus. As they got in the car, Adrien asked if they could stick around.

"No. The officer said we should head straight home, Adrien." Natalie stated.

"Please. I just want to talk to one person." Adrien spoke, " They were behind us in line so they should be coming out soon."

"We will wait ten minutes and not a second more." she declared, "If an officer tells us to leave before the time is up, we will leave."

"Yes, Natalie. Thank you." the model, smiled.

Just before the time was up, Marinette and her parents walked out of the school. Adrien perked up and unbuckled his seatbelt. As he reached for the car door, another car showed up. A guy he had never seen before, quickly walked out of the car and hugged Marinette. He watched as the guy kissed her head before turning to Tom and Sabine. He could barely make out what was being said.

"Let's go, Angel." he said, "Tom and Sabine said I was to take you away for a few days. How are you feeling?"

"Disappointed. I feel nothing." she answered, causing her parents to tear up.

"Where will you go?" he asked her parents.

"We will be closing the bakery for a week." Tom replied, "We'll be with some family memebers."

"I've already gathered her things." he spoke.

"Thank you, Damian." Sabine smiled.

Damian took ahold of Marinette's hand and led her to his car. It didn't take long for them to drive away.

"Adrien." Natalie called out.

"Uh, we-we can go." he whispered, "I'm sorry for wasting your time. I can ask at a later date."

The school was declared closed for a week. No one still knew what was going on until Tvi did a special on their school. It was under investigation. Their principal couldn't show specific footage to the school board or police. He was arrested for money laundering, as he had never updated the school's equipment as he stated he had. Once he was arrested, they began to dig into the footage and found many inconsistencies, regarding some students. Tvi went onto explain there had been expulsions that were never approved of by the board. The board was now frantically expunging records and reaching out to families. During the special, it was announced that a student had been arrested for lying to not only the school, but also the staff. They announced that a few of the students' parents were now suing the young girl as she took money and items from their classmates, claiming to be well connected with celebrities. They had also claimed to put money towards charities of their choice or would help them get their dream job. Dupont was called a school of dreamers and nativity. The class couldn't help but think of Lila, Marinette, and Ms. Bustier. When they had been questioned about Lila, they instantly got defensive and threw Marinette under the bus as a bully. They were quickly finding out, they had made the wrong choice and Marinette was rigth about Lila all along.

Adrien had snuck out and was hoping to meet up with some of the class for answers. He had no idea his father was one of the people suing Lila, once he had learned she had lied on her resume and forged her mother's signature. The model hoped he could talk to Marinette, as well. He never expected to see her outside of a hotel.

"Hey, Marinette!" He called out, "Did you tip off the school board?"

"No." She answered.

"Then, how did they know?" he questioned.

"Because of you." Mari replied.

"Huh?" he asked, not understanding.

"This ended exactly they way you wanted it to." she continued, "You wanted me to let Lila lie and she would catch herself in her own web of lies. Her going to jail, being sued; this is all your fault. All I wanted to do was tell her lying could get her in trouble. I wanted to make sure everyone was cautious about what she said. They could have double checked, knew she lied, and then went along with her lie, for her sake."

Adrien looked at her, surprised.

"This isn't you, Marinette." he replied, full of disappointment.

Mari shrugged, "Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. I don't really know anymore."

"Wh-What do you mean?" Adrien questioned.

"I put up with Chloe, with the teachers looking past my harassment for year, with Lila defaming me." Marinette spoke, "I feel nothing, anymore, Adiren. I don't know how to be happy anymore."

Adrien wasn't sure how to reply, when Damian walked out of the building.

"Are you ready?" Damian asked Marinette.

She nodded her head.

"Wait! Mari-" the model began.

"Go inside." Ordered Damian.

Marinette nodded again and went inside, past the security out front.

"Leave her alone." Damian growled out.

"Who are you?" Questioned the model.

"Her boyfriend." Damian stated.

"No. She would have told Alya and Alya would have told Nino. Nino would have told me." Adrien babbled in shock, "She would have told her best friend-"

"The same 'best friend' that pours drinks on her head and her sketchbook?" Damian retorted, " The same one who trips her in the halls and steps on her hand until she had to wear a brace and couldn't design? The same one who would drop her sisters off without any notice because Lila needed her?"

"That girls isn't friend, Agreste. She is a bully." Damian stated, "My girlfriend is seeing a therapist because of your idiotic high road philosophy. Do you have any idea what it was like to come to Paris, to surprise her, and instead, I find she swallowed a whole bottle of pills! She was dying when I found her."

Adrien paled at the thought.

'Marinette tried to kill herself? I'm to blame for all of this?'

"You almost got her killed. Would you have done the same, seeing as how you were 'in this together' with her?" The Wayne heir continued, "I'd tell you to stay away from her, but her parents signed over guardianship to my father so that she can get out of Paris. She won't even be in the country by Friday. Marinette will get the help she deserves."

"You silenced her. You made her feel useless. You made her feel like trash. You are lucky you have nothing tying you to her harassment or I would be suing you; trust me, I looked." Damian concluded.

"Huh?" Adrien asked, still in disbelief.

Damian rolled his eyes, "I called the board when My Angel was in the hospital. Did you know that Lila isn't even her real name? It's Cerise Lerouch. She is signed up at another school, here in Paris. She was never a transfer student from Italy, just a girl who likes attention. All those 'trips out of the country' was just her going back to her other school because she wasn't 'sick' anymore. In fact, she wore a wig and contacts to your school, every day."

Adrien remained speechless.

The Wayne heiress sighed, "I do not understand what she saw in you."

"Who?" The model questioned.

"Marinette. She was in love with you. I believed I had competition and would have to strive hard to earn her favor. All I ha e seen is a boy who is completely and utterly disappointing. " Damian announced, "Be sure to tell your little friends that the only thing they have done is earn the wrath of the Waynes. Same for the supposed 'best friend'. My family owns her dream job and now she'll never have it. How disappointing for her."

The young Wayne turned away from the model and entered the hotel. After a moment, he tried to run in after him, only to be told 'only people with special clearance were allowed in'.

Unfortunately for Adrien, the entire Lila Disaster had only fueled his father's intentions of keeping him homeschooled. He still kept in contact with Nino, but the others were busy with their own things. Nino had told him Alya had hysterical after learning she was being sued by the Waynes. They were suing her for emotional distress, for all the babysitting she had forced on Marinette. Alya had to pay all the money she never gave Mari, once her parents found out. Marinette had kept a detailed planner listing what times and when Alya had dropped off the twins. She had even recorded the twins, asking what Alya had told them and why they were dropped off. Her parents were upset with her and grounded her for the rest of the year. They weren't going to be able to go out on dates and she was now the twins sole babysitter. Nino recanted how Alya said her family was disappointed in her. They were barely looking at her and the twins kept crying how they preferred Marinette. She had also learned that she was blacklisted from the Daily Planet. After that, she shut down and barely said a word.

Nino went on to explain that he was trying to get music files he had given Lila because she knew some DJs. Other classmates were learning that what she had promised them, wasn't true. Juleka had called her father, Jagged Stone, and asked him about knowing Lila and saving his kitten. She quickly filled him in about her tinnitus disability when he didn't remember her, but he claimed to never own a cat of any sort. Even Jagged Stone was looking to suing Lila. After Juleka told Rose, she quickly emailed Prince Ali and was anxiously waiting for a response back. Ivan and Mylene had given Lila money for charities, but were unlikely to see any of their money back. Nathaniel had given her some art to hold for when she went to America to give to her connections. Nino told Adrien they were signed in invisible ink so it was being looked into.

The class itself was slowly falling apart. Max was worried about his grades and how a new teacher would approach everything so he asked to transfer to a private school. There was no evidence he had participated in the bullying so he had been free to leave. Kim no longer had someone to help him focus so his grades fell and he was cut from the team. Kim no longer bet on anything and was even spending less time with Alix. His relationship with Odine was falling apart. There were whispers of the Mayor being tied with Damocles about the money laundering and hints of an investigation looming over his head. Chloe seemed upset and waas pouting, but never answered what was wrong. It wasn't until later he learned that Sabrina had transferred school to the other side of Paris. Adrien couldn’t believe all the chaos that was caused because one person had lied.

Adrien had finally broken down and cried. Natalie found him and once he had calmed down a bit, she asked him to explain.

"I messed up." he sobbed, "I knew Lila was lying, but I used Father's logic: lies don't hurt people. I didn't think any of this would happen. Marinette tried to commit suicide and is now moving out of Paris. Alya is depressed. Lots of our friends are trying to sue Lila and get their things back. Some changed schools. Others are flunking! I got blamed for Marinette and her boyfriend said ther was nothing to stick to me so he couldn't sue me."

Adrine cried himself to sleep. Natalie informed Gabriel and it was only then he saw how naïve he made his son, by keeping him home. He was grateful that ther was nothing holding Adrien accountable, but he knew he needed to do something fast. He called up his sister-in-law and pleaded with her for Adrien to attend school with his cousin. As much as he hated it, Felix would help beat the naivety out of his son.

Meanwhile, in Gotham, Marinette had moved into the Wayne Manor. All the Waynes had been very welcoming. Damian had even introduced her to Jon; Damian explained that Jon also helped him express his emotions. She had an appointment for a therapist next week.

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There is no other explanation. I have a curse....because why else every single time when I dare to call some story ,,my favorite", it always ends up that she disappoints me. I mean, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I loved Tokyo Ghoul - it disappointed me.

I loved Attack on Titan - the ending was beyond simple disappointment.

I loved Chainsaw man - my favorite character [ Aki ] died and now, in the second part I have no idea what the hell is happening and why?!

I loved Jinx but the way Jaekyung and his people treated Kim Dan in that spray saga, deeply disappointed me to the point where I almost dropped this series completely.

These past few months, I enjoyed a lot Alien Stage but, yet again, my favorite character died and now the plot is going in a direction I don't like.

That's why I am sure - I definitely have a curse.

Crazy to think Kung Fu Panda 4 has already aged worse in six months than the first three movies have in 8-16 years.

I cant even explain how disappointed I am in the people I have reached.

I mean I like mothman a lot but I still think aliens are better. Especially the green ones.

Anyways, I'll see yall in a week, month, maybe longer. Have a goodnight/day!

A Daily Struggle

Me: *shows my parents a movie or tv show I like*

My parents: *both sit on their phones the whole time, not paying attention to the best parts*

My parents: eh, I didn’t really like it, it’s not my thing

Hardship.

They say life becomes richer after hardship, that you get tougher, your heart grows stronger.

But what if I don’t feel those things?

I’m just grateful to have survived that hardship. But I’m still trying to figure out the lesson that hardship presented. Why did I have to go through that? How have I grown from it? Am I tougher or just more guarded now? Is my heart stronger or more wounded?

Expectations.

Sometimes, you can’t help but expect things out of others. Others that you let in and have gotten close to you. Others that you’ve decided to trust in and rely on. Others that you wanted to give a chance to.

So what happens when those expectations aren’t met?

You’re left with disappointment, sadness, feelings that you hate to admit to.

If that’s the case, why do we still have expectations?

I don’t want to feel anymore.

Numb. Yes, that’s the word. I want to feel numb. I don’t want to be on this rollercoaster of emotions anymore. One minute I’m happy, the next I’m sad. One minute I trust you, the next I think you’re a liar.

Trust. It can’t go on without trust. And you’ve ruined that trust once before. I used to think you were the best person in the world. Now I’ve come to learn you’re the worst of them all.

And I refuse to trust you again. I won’t do that to myself. You’ve put me through enough.

Thousands of Times.

I think you’ve crossed my minds thousands of times today. I won’t say millions because I try my best not to think of you. It’s like my security blanket got ripped away. From spending all day talking with you, knowing everything about you, what you’re doing, what you’re feeling... to nothing.

I guess we’re strangers now.

All that’s left is just a feeling of loneliness.

Of extreme sadness.

Who do I turn to now?

Falling Apart.

And this is how they fell apart... Lack of words, lack of communication.... Too much confusion, too much misunderstanding... Too late to turn back...

Disappointment.

You aren't human if you haven't come across disappointment in your life at least one or a few times. Even though you prepare yourself for the worst, you still hope it didn't end up that way. You prayed and searched for that sliver of hope, only to be as elusive as that sliver you were hoping for. But don't give up just yet. Disappointment is temporary. If it matters, you can always go back and try again. If not, you put it behind you and move on. The choice is yours. Ready to move forward now?

Me: what’s your favourite Pokémon?

My sister: *without hesitation* Kirby

I have never felt this much disappointment in my life, sis noooooooo XD

The Whole Point of the Cult

The whole point of the cult was to scratch together a little money, enough to stay afloat and give me the time to write, and then, hopefully, make a name for myself as a writer and, if I were lucky, get to a place where I could do it for a living. After that I’d tell my disciples that they’ve made it, that they didn’t need me anymore, that the faith was in their hands now. But almost from the start it took over my life, pushing everything else out. Now, even if I could find the time, I could never be a writer. The only people that would read anything I wrote would be my disciples, and to them it would be the infallible word of god. If anyone else even chanced upon my writing, the first thing they’d know about it is that it was written by that crazy cult leader they sort of recall hearing about once before. In either case, who wrote it overshadows what’s written.

You know, I never wanted a job. I never wanted to be employed, to be someone’s instrument, to be someone’s object. All I wanted was to carve out just a little space, a little time, where I could do what I pleased. Where I could write. That’s why I started the cult.

Friends support.

Writer's note

It's been a long day. I've been called in to 2 job interviews, for which I'm happy beyond words but, other than that, oh boy, have I had a swell time?

I'll begin with something that's very close to me: literary work. Ever since I learnt how to write I've had a grand vision of my future. It's been my dream to be a great writer and I've always lived in this illusion that I'm good at it. But today I was rejected by a medium-sized company. No, not my professional application-- I wanted to be a volunteer. It's a quarterly magazine. So they said that they had my test writings checked by professionals and they found them inadequate in regards of grammar and authenticity.

The other thing is, well, literature, too. Remember when I said I've had this dream to be a great writer? Yeah, it pretty much fills every second minute of my waking hours. So here's the other story: Yesterday I recieved an answer to a query I sent to a seemingly fitting agent. She wrote that she feels honored (of course), that I contacted her, however, my work is not really for her. She (of course) encouraged me to keep on trying because she did not reject my book because of its general lack of genuineness but because of her own lack of enthusiasm about it. Yeah, it sucks. I know what you're thinking: Well what does one (1) agent matter anyway? Keep on trying, she said that too. So yes. Thank you. I've been trying. I've been trying for over a year with a total absence of fruition in any respect. I've re-written and polished my work but what does it matter now?

I've never said I'm a writer. Never to anyone. I've always believed humility is crucial and so I've never mentioned myself as a writer or artist. I didn't keep my writing a secret but I sure as rain was modest about it. Still, what I feel right now is this: I'm a complete wreck as a writer. Yeah, I'm a wreck that's for granted but why do I think I'm a writer. I never said I was and I've been constantly forcing myself not to consider myself as that. But in despair and disappointment my thoughts betray me. I'm just a sore loser and a presumptuous fool.

I'm not going to apologize for all the dismal things I've written because they aren't dismal. They're meant to teach you something. Well, who am I trying to lie to? They're meant to teach me something. Something I know and yet pretend to never have heard of. In all honesty I have a lot to learn and I've got to let go of big-faced concepts about myself. I'll be small. I'll remain small and I'll accept being that. I'm too young to be big and it takes some time to get rid of one's youth.

That is what they don’t understand. They think some external pressure is destroying me but it has always been myself. Only my finger tips know where on my belly is tender and bruised enough to burrow into.

My brother got married. In December. I know we aren’t close but I still wish I would have known before now.

About Paper Mario Color Splash, here is a reminder, it was started roughly the same time as Sticker Star did, so by the time CS was revealed on trailers, it was too late to change it. Plus it turns out that CS was better then SS.

Yeah. I understand that game development costs more to stop than to let it see it’s end, so I get why there couldn’t be a re-working of the game’s combat mechanics within the allotted span of time.

I guess I just wish that if they were going to experiment with the formula of Paper Mario like they did, that they would at least try two different approaches, rather than the same approach twice.

My negative review of 2018

So this is the part where I tell you how everything went wrong and everything was shitty! If I had to decide based on this experience whether to travel somewhere else for Eurovision the answer would be NO. I’m so glad I didn’t pay hundreds of euros for flights and accommodation in Lisbon and instead just happened to be here. I’m glad I did this - now I don’t need to wonder and I’m happy to continue my Eurovision love by watching it all from tv and/or online! 

Organization could have been better from the fans’ point of view. The lining up hadn’t been planned properly, there were no fences so cutting in line was kind a easy. Inside the arena not all the screens were on so if you were short and didn’t have seat you might have not seen anything. Also sound quality wasn’t on point when the shows started on the May 8th. The difference between Tuesday and Saturday sound quality is like night and day! Missed several performances on Tuesday’s live show because of the screens and sounds problems. And it was my only live ticket! Just seriously disappointed. 

Also the ticket sales went obviously down south. The arena was quite empty for even Semi I live show and Semi II jury show. The standing arena wasn’t nearly full. Blue ticket, the official one had sold out all tickets but apparently the tickets were being sold on other websites three times more expensive! And a lot of people didn’t apparently buy them for Semis even though the Final shows with its jury and rehearsals were sold out in reality. There could have been use for those tickets which weren’t sold. I’m so pissed about this also cause when we got there there were nothing else left than standing area tickets! 

Overall never felt more left outside alone than this year when I was actually in Eurovision! But let’s move on to the actual songs and results! Obviously many of my loves left out already at the Semis but concentrating the main shockers and disappointments.

My ultimate favorite this year, Estonia. I was kind of disappointed that Elina didn’t get more points from the juries since her performance was so technically, vocally on point. And plus the visuals were memorable and standing out from the rest of the performances this year. Can’t believe she got less jury points than so many who were clearly worse singers and had less memorable performance. 

Bulgaria which had an amazing hype around their song the entire spring came 14th! The jury votes were fine I guess but I expected the audience to bring them up. The performance as the song were really dark but I think it all looked really good and stylish. Televoters gave them only 66 points. Wow. But still love their song! 

I’ve loved French entries for quite some years now and especially this year MadameMonsieur were the best find for me! But something goes wrong for France. They’ve had good songs, great singers and performers, also the visuality and the staging hasn’t been THAT BAD! But still they always fall down 10 positions at least in the actual results. Amir placed 6th in 2016 which was an amazing result for France but still kind of far away from the top 3 which he was originally favorite for. Alma (2017) and MadameMonsieur both placed 12th and 13th far away again from the what they were really going for and audience was cheering them up to. They seriously need to look into this. However France and MadameMonsieur remain for me the best find of Eurovision 2018.

My loves Spain and Portugal! I absolutely loved these songs! So beautiful and emotional, especially Spain! You could not watch that without smiling and feeling the song. But yeah.. I guess they took a hit because there were so many songs this year that went with stronger sounds and were instant hits where Claudia and the spanish couple were left behind and not many actually voted for them. Just sad. 

And what about the UK invention! Again! Last year it was the winning artist from the previous year who was intervened. But last year the guy didn’t take the mic. Poor Sury! But seriously what’s up with the security unable to keep the STAGE are safe! It is the stage for god’s sake! 

I loved Slovenian entry this year from the beginning. But apparently Lea felt her song was lacking drama since she added this cut in the middle of the song where no music or lights would work. In the semi it seemed like the host country screwed up but in the final she changed it to look like she stopped it. From the faces of the audience they didn’t get it or find it funny. Neither did I. Totally unnecessary. 

For two weeks I was hanging around the arena and in Lisbon hoping to spot any artist or blogger for an autograph or a photo. I did see Ireland’s Ryan in Belem on Sat one week before the final. He was wearing his sunglasses so wasn’t sure if it was really him. I POLITELY asked about it and he LIED to me that he wasn’t him. Later on saw posts on Instagram with exactly same clothes and in the same neighborhood. And I liked Irish entry and defended it for others who doubted it! Jerk. There goes my points for Ireland forever. He was the only “Eurovision star” I spotted the entire time. Tragic.

Australia! I loved Jessica’s bubly performance and yes maybe her song was a bit generetic but it was so inspiring and uplifting! And the crowds at the arena seemed to appreciate it. But televotes! OMG so low! She did not deserve this even though her vocals weren’t on point on Saturday night.

Belgium! Not qualifying! How is this possible! Sennek’s song was not my personal top favorite but I know many people liked it. Definite OMG moment this year. Found her live performance cool and giving so much life to her song!