Maya please sit on my face.
AHAHAAAHAHHAAAaHA–no. :)
- Maya
Please think before you comment on people's physical traits/appearance! There is NO NEED WHATSOEVER to shame, belittle or otherwise mess with someone's feelings because of something as superficial and unimportant than looks!! It's dumb, it's insensitive, it's unnecessary, uncalled for and oftentimes simply cruel.
Care for some examples?
I was walking my dogs once and stopped at a local dogpark where an elder woman started chatting to me. She was nice enough, but all of a sudden she asked why I didn't get my teeth fix. Yeah, I am 100% aware that I have crooked front teeth. I don't really care, I accept them the way they are, back then I also was not generally in a good mental state and such a comment felt downright mean and utterly out of place. Luckily, I was able to tell her as much by coolly stating that this was none of her business and that it's extremely impolite and rude to say something like that...
I've also had several occassions in my life where people told me negative things about my hair which is not only rude, but also plain racist. European, white people telling me, a PoC, that I should get another hairstyle 'cuz it would look "much better"?! I mean, do they even know what they are suggesting?! Yeah, get over it; not everybody needs to have fair, straight hair. I like my hair the way it is naturally: curly, sometimes a little messy, and whenever I dye it, I do it because I enjoy being colorful (I had it pink for quite some time), but that's my decision and no one else's business and maybe these people should take a long hard look at themselves and understand how utterly brainwashed they have been to believe that there is exactly ONE way of being beautiful/handsome/pretty.
Also, do not comment on people's weight!! Seriously?! Why is this even still a thing?! You know NOTHING about a person's history, about their eating habits, their routines, you don't know whether they are struggling with an eating disorder and you certainly don't get to decide what their body has to look like for them to like and celebrate themselves!! It's just not okay to tell someone "Oh, you used to be so thin, what happened?" or "You have lost way too much weight, it doesn't suit you at all!" or "You've grown fat since I last saw you" - CUT THAT SH*T!!
Also, you don't have to comment on other people's fashion preferences; if you don't want to wear skinny jeans or leoprints or bright neon colors or cheap shoes or wheaver, well, you are not obliged to do so, but let other people wear whatever they want and just LEAVE THEM ALONE.
Can we please normalize not asking people about their family, their origin, their ethnic background when doing small talk?! Not everybody wants to talk about their family. Not everybody with a "foreign"-sounding surname or first name cares to talk about their origin and, side note: Many people have been born in the country they live in now and do not enjoy constantly being reminded of their backstory! I am constantly being told that my German is perfect - well, guess what? It's perfect because it's my mother tongue, just because my father's from another country doesn't mean I personally grew up elsewhere!! For many people, these topics that are somehow deemed "small-talk appropriate" by others, are a constant source of stress and "othering", some might have had traumatic experiences in childhood/youth/have no contact to their biological family anymore/have been adopted ect. It's plain rude and nosy and unnecessary to ask such personal question - think before you talk for God's sake
The other day a friends parent introduced me to some of her friends by my preferred name. It made me so happy in the moment I could barely mutter a greeting because she was the first adult in my life who knew me before by my birth name and made the intentional change to my preferred name. It got me thinking about preferred names and this came to my mind as a message to those who don’t call others by their preferred names:
Imagine you work with a person. Not in close proximity but you know of each other. Imagine one of your mutual coworkers as a joke tells this person that your preferred name is Bucket.
This person takes that information and continues to refer to you as Bucket even correcting other coworkers into call you by that name. You don’t know where the source is so you can’t stop it. And this continues for years.
Then finally you two get moved and start working together regularly. You finally get the chance to correct this person on what your really name is.
Their response: “but I’ve always known you as Bucket calling you anything else would be so hard. So I’ll just call you Bucket if that’s okay”
This continues. They call you Bucket every time you speak. They introduce you to new people as Bucket they call you Bucket in front of large groups of people and people who know your real name who get confused.
They don’t stop and when you correct them their response is: “sorry but it’s just hard to change and remember”
Wouldn’t you be frustrated? Wouldn’t you be annoyed? Wouldn’t you be uncomfortable?
Respect people. Respect their names. Don’t make excuses. It’s not hard to understand.
They look better that way, not my fault you have shitty taste.
It took me a second to realize what you were talking about, but I got it. Anyways, I won’t apologize for not being racist like you. Whitewashing is racist. Racism, is dumb, and childish, and it’s killed a lot of people. At least I have a heart unlike you. Yours is just nonexistent. 🖕