Good Omens Incorrect Quotes - Blog Posts
Aziraphale: Why would you believe in something awful when you could believe in something wonderful?
Crowley: Don't make me an optimist, you will ruin my life.
there's a very thin line between bodyguard boyfriend and trophy wife and Crowley is balancing on it like a goddamn funambulist
good omens is trending again, what a marvellous fucking time to live in
Good Omens S2 Incorrect Quotes 2
Nina: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.
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Nina: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
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Crowley: So jellyshish-
Nina, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?
Crowley: You know what I meant!
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Maggie: Made you all playlists!
Maggie: Nina, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
Maggie: Crowley, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
Maggie: And Muriel has the ABBA Gold album.
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Crowley: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.
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Crowley: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.
Nina: You and me!
Crowley: *tearing up* Ok.
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Crowley: Nina likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.
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Maggie: Today, Muriel said a swear word, so Nina said that they were going to wash Muriel's mouth out with soap. Muriel replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles.
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Crowley: *raises eyebrows*
Nina: Put those back down!
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Nina: Don’t be sad!
Crowley: Why not?
Nina:
Nina: I don’t have a good answer.
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Crowley, to Muriel: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Crowley: *throws a brick through the window*
Crowley: Okay, let’s go.
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Crowley: While I'm gone, you're in charge Muriel.
Muriel: Yes!
Crowley, whispering to Maggie: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.
Maggie: Obviously.
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Nina: Do you need help getting up?
Crowley: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.
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Crowley: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.
Nina: What hints have you given them?
Crowley: Well, I think about them a lot.
Crowley: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
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Nina: How would you like your coffee?
Crowley: As dark as my soul.
Nina: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!
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Maggie: You know what your problem is?
Crowley: I only have one?
Good Omens S2 Incorrect Quotes 1
Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Nina, with Muriel and Maggie behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes…three.
Nina: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Nina: Crowley FUCKING FELL OFF!
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Crowley: *coughs blood*
Nina: Don't die, Crowley!
Crowley: Don't tell me what to do!
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Aziraphale: We have to plan, we have to figure something out.
Crowley: Aziraphale, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.
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Crowley: I’m a masochist, not a loser.
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Muriel: Hello, I'm Muriel. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.
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Jim: Do we have any orange juice left?
Crowley: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*
Crowley: Sorry, we’re all out.
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Aziraphale: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?
Crowley: AS ENEMIES?!
Aziraphale:
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Maggie: One time I went to hand Nina a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”
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Crowley: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.
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Aziraphale: That sounds like a terrible plan.
Crowley: Oh, we've had worse.
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Muriel: Where are you going?
Crowley: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.
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Nina: Are you drinking enough water?
Crowley: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
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Maggie: Why are you drinking?
Crowley: I drink when I'm depressed.
Maggie: But you're always drinking?
Crowley: *smug grin*
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Crowley: I’m not mad, I just need to know why you two had a fake ID.
Muriel: *Incoherent mumbling*
Crowley: Huh?
Muriel: …You need to be 18 to hold the puppies at PetCo.
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Crowley: My gender is in a constant state of flux.
Good Omens Incorrect Quotes 5
Still not mine.
Crowley as Aziraphale: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*
Crowley as Aziraphale: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
Crowley: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."
Warlock, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Nanny.
Crowley, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.
Aziraphale: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t murder someone right now.
Crowley: There are no books in prison.
Aziraphale: *sighs* Thank you.
Aziraphale: Jesus Saves.
Crowley: Passes to Moses, SCOOOOOORE!
Crowley: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
Crowley: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.
Aziraphale: ...We're on the ground floor.
Crowley: I know but I want a dramatic exit.
Aziraphale: I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Crowley: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.
Aziraphale: You don’t have to wear…
Crowley: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.
Crowley: So jellyshish-
Aziraphale, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?
Crowley: You know what I meant!
Crowley: What's gone wrong, Aziraphale?
Aziraphale: Hey! That’s one heck of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Crowley: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Aziraphale: Well... There’s a crisis.
Crowley, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Aziraphale: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.
Aziraphale: Crowley? What are you doing here?
Crowley, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.
Newt: I’m here for the cult stuff.
Shadwell: How did you find us?
Newt: I saw your ad on craigslist.
Aziraphale: I am in charge of this disaster!
Crowley: I have a name, you know.
Crowley, wiping tears from their eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it’s meant to be…
Aziraphale: I’m literally just going to the store.
Crowley: I have issues.
Gabriel: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept-
Crowley: With you.
Crowley: *on the phone with Anathema* I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.
Anathema: You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you.
Crowley: Maybe.
Crowley: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.
Crowley: *upends the bottle*
Aziraphale: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.
Crowley, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.
Anathema: Wow, Aziraphale was late too! What a coincidence!
Aziraphale: You spent all our money on THIS??
Crowley, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.
Crowley: Where are you going?
Aziraphale: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!
Crowley: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!
Anathema, knowing full well that Crowley got Aziraphale an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*
Crowley: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.
Aziraphale: You’re drunk.
Crowley: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Aziraphale.
Aziraphale: Do you see yourself as a glass half-full or glass half-empty kind of person?
Anathema: Half-full, definitely.
Anathema: Half-full and constantly rising.
Anathema: Soon the water will escape its container and consume us all.
Crowley: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?
Aziraphale: AS ENEMIES?!
Crowley:
Good Omens Incorrect Quotes Part 3:
Once again, I did not come up with these, I just have quote generator access…
Crowley : I'm having problems with a guy...
Anathema : Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?
*
Crowley : Who the fuck-
Aziraphale : Language!
Crowley : Whom the fuck-
Aziraphale : No.
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Aziraphale and Crowley : I believe in you, Adam!
Adam, to themself: God, I must suck. The nicest thing they can think to say to me is that they don’t doubt my existence.
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Aziraphale : There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?
Crowley : Did you just make that up?
Aziraphale : No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.
Crowley :
Aziraphale : A really long fortune cookie.
*
Crowley: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.
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Aziraphale, texting Crowley: Text me when you’re home safely.
Crowley: I’m home dangerously.
Aziraphale: Stop it.
Crowley: I’m home lethally.
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Gabriel : Pardon the intrusion, but-
Aziraphale or Crowley: On this moment or just my life in general?
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Aziraphale: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?
Crowley: Because your toast would get soggy!
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Aziraphale: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
Crowley: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!
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Crowley, at Nina’s: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots.
Mrs. Sandwich, in line behind them: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.
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Crowley, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.
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Aziraphale: I have very high standards, you know.
Crowley: I can make spaghetti...
Aziraphale: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!
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Crowley: You can do it Adam!
Crowley: But if you can't, at least your death will be quick, painless, and really cool to watch.
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Crowley: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Aziraphale: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Crowley: God?!
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Crowley: I'm sorry. Please talk to me.
Aziraphale:
Crowley: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure?
Aziraphale: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&M’s.
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Aziraphale: Is five a lot of followers?
Crowley: Depends on the context.
Crowley: On Instagram? No, not a lot of followers.
Crowley: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers.
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Crowley : You know what’s funny about Aziraphale ? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably.
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Crowley : Are you busy?
Aziraphale : Yes.
Crowley : Cool, listen to this...
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Aziraphale or Nina: How would you like your coffee?
Crowley: As dark as my soul.
Aziraphale or Nina: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!
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Crowley : I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers.
Aziraphale: Crowley, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.
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Aziraphale: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this?
Crowley, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.
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Crowley : *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Aziraphale, poking Crowley ’s arm: Crowley Crowley . Crowley . Crowley .
Crowley : WHAT?
Aziraphale : …We’re out of Capri Suns—
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Crowley : Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*
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Crowley : *makes Aziraphale a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Aziraphale : *sips tea*
Crowley :
Aziraphale : *finishes tea*
Crowley : Didn't it taste bad?
Aziraphale : Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Crowley, tearing up: Oh, okay.
*
Aziraphale : How petty can you get?
Crowley : I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
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Aziraphale : Crowley, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Crowley : Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?
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Crowley, to The Squad: You should change your passwords to “incorrect”. Then, every time you forget it, the system will remind you, “your password is incorrect”.
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Aziraphale : Not to brag, but I can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying.
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Crowley : I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Aziraphale : You know that's called a coma, right?
Crowley :
Crowley : That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
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Aziraphale : Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Crowley : I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Aziraphale : But you’re always acting stupid?
Crowley : ...
Crowley : Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.
*
Muriel : Hey, aren’t you Aziraphale ?
Aziraphale : You a cop?
Muriel : No.
Aziraphale : Then yes, I am.
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Aziraphale : Crowley ! Have you no dignity?
Crowley : Of course not! How long have we known each other?
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Aziraphale : What are you drinking?
Crowley : Vodka.
Aziraphale : Straight?
Crowley : No, gay. Why?
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Aziraphale : So you like cats?
Crowley : Yeah.
Aziraphale : *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Cop: You ran a red light.
Crowley : So did you, hypocrite.
Cop: I was following you.
Crowley : That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.
Cop: Get out.
*
Aziraphale : What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Crowley : Burn the house down.
Aziraphale : And what did you do?
Crowley : I made dinner.
Aziraphale :
Crowley :
Aziraphale :
Crowley : And burnt the house down.
*
Aziraphale : Do you need help getting up?
Crowley : Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.
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Crowley : Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.
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Anathema: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.
Crowley : My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.
*
Aziraphale to Crowley : Turn that frown upside-down!
*a little while later*
Aziraphale : What are you doing?
Crowley , trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .
*
Gabriel: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Crowley: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Good Omens Incorrect Quotes Part 1
Yeah, I found the incorrect quotes generator so…
I know some of these have been done but…
Crowley: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Aziraphale: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Crowley: I said within reason, Aziraphale. How about I murder that guy?
Aziraphale: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?
Crowley: Well, duh. What kind of question is that
*
Aziraphale: I have feelings for you.
Crowley: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?
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Crowley: Aziraphale, you love me, right?
Aziraphale: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.
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Crowley: Relationships should be 50/50. Aziraphale cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
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Crowley: My hands are cold.
Aziraphale: Here, let me hold them.
Crowley: My lips are cold too.
Aziraphale: *covers Crowley's mouth with their hand*
*
Aziraphale: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Crowley: That's great, Aziraphale. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6000 f***ing years.
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Aziraphale: Are you sure Crowley's even gay? They barely even looked at me.
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Crowley, sweating: Aziraphale, there’s something I need to ask you-
Aziraphale: Finally! You’re proposing!
Crowley: How’d you know?
Aziraphale: Crowley, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Aziraphale: I even picked it up once.
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Aziraphale: You have to apologize to them Crowley.
Crowley: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!
*
Crowley: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Aziraphale: Hi.
Crowley: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*
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Aziraphale, to Crowley: We had a date!
Aziraphale: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*
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Aziraphale: Are we fighting or flirting?
Crowley: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Aziraphale: Your point?
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Aziraphale: Is something burning?
Crowley, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Aziraphale: Crowley, the toaster is literally on fire.
Crowley: Aw you have a crush on me. How cute!
Aziraphale: Crowley, we are married and we adopted three kids.
Crowley: Still cute.
Maggie: Sometimes we need to let go of the ones we love.
Crowley: If they come back, then it's meant to be.
Aziraphale/Nina both looking like they got ten min of sleep: I'm going to the store. I'll be back in ten minutes.