this is absolutely a gold mine
I’m on the second episode of My Adventures With Superman and I KNOW I know, this deserves to be Clark’s show, BUT HEAR ME OUT A SECOND.
Imagine the Waynes didn’t die and Thomas is trying DESPERATELY to buy the Daily Planet from White, but to absolutely no avail.
“For the last time, Wayne, you can have this company when the Gotham Knights win a Stanley Cup.”
“Y’all cheated last year and you KNOW it, White! Come on! We knew each other for 20 years—“
“Not true.”
“You gotta have ONE nice thing to say about me! You saw my charity records? My trip to the Amazon? I found a goddam dinosaur, for Pete’s sake!”
“And you sent it to the Gotham museum.”
“…Well yeah, it looked real pretty.”
“Look, Wayne. I can either give your ego the stroke of the century, or keep Lane and those two idiot interns in check, but I can’t do both. Now get out of here, or—“
Clark clearing his throat, holding two cups of coffee in his comically large hands, “Uh, the coffee machine broke, so I had to run to the store. Is this a bad time?”
Thomas whistling, because what the FUCK. “Christ, boy, how tall are you? How tall is he, White? You a security guard? You WANNA be a security guard?”
“Uh, Clark Kent. Idiot intern,” Clark introduced himself politely despite Perry’s grumbling.
Needless to say, Thomas Wayne is…Intimidating.
“I’ve heard about your research on metahuman physics, Mr. Wayne. It’s brilliant.”
“Oh, that? That was all my boy, really. He’s got all these ideas about reinventing the healthcare system for everybody or something like that. Hell, he wants to invent some bandaids for that Superman fella. “
“That,” Clark blinked, “Actually sounds amazing.”
“Right?. The other day he came to me like, ‘Can I have 30,000 for a research expedition?’ You should’ve seen him in his little lab coat, — cutest thing. Hold on, I have pictures.”
Clark expected a particularly eccentric 10 year not, not a — gorgeous— adult man in what looked to be a great amount of eyeliner and one hell of a scowl. “He’s…” gorgeous, “He seems interesting.”
“Ain’t he? You should meet him sometime. Hates talking to the press, but, I’m sure we can arrange something. “
“Good luck with that. I tried interviewing the kid alone for 10 minutes and Mr. Wayne here kept getting in the way. Probably because he has something to hide.”
“Bruce ain’t really made for the camera, so I had to step in, ya know how it is. He ain’t really the independent kind.” Thomas shrugs. “I know, I know, — you gotta leave em to fly sometimes, and while I bet he’d look cute tryin’,”
Thomas chuckles, but it doesn’t sound amusing. At all. “No bird leaves MY nest.”
—
Clark finds out why Perry can’t prove Thomas Wayne is Batman. It’s because he’s wrong. He’s listened to Batman’s heartbeat before. And Thomas doesn’t stutter.
Bruce Wayne does, thought.
Legends of avantris should do like an april fools one shot or something where, similar to the other one shots, they bring together characters from different campaigns except they’re all playing each other’s characters. Like put Richie in a backwards baseball hat and sit him in Andy’s seat and make him play booker or something. Put Mikey in glasses and have him play frost. And so on and so forth and at no point in the entire stream do they address that they are not Andy or Derek or whatever. Do you see my vision
My headcannon for the attendants at the Stone-Lavorre Destination Wedding (on the moon??)
Invited and showed up
Expositor Lionett of the Cobalt Soul (Best Man/ Maid of Honour/New Mother) her wife: The OrphanMakerTaker (renowned harpist and murderer stay at home mom) and an undisclosed number of recently amassed orphans.
Professor Widogast of the Soltryce Academy (Best Man/ Will-turn-into-a-TRex-and-walk-Jester-down-the-aisle) his partner: the Wanted War Criminal Cobalt Soul Archivist Essek Thelyss Seth Domade (designated driver teleporter) and his brother colleague idk man they just know each other stop asking questions: Taskhand Verin Thelyss (Commander of the Krynn Dynasty’s Umbra Watch and canonical Ashari weeb)
Veth Brenatto (Maid of Honour/ Founder and leader of the Wildemount Wildlings/ recovering? Alcoholic) her husband: Yeza Brenatto (owner of Brenatto’s Better Self Apothecary, doing Okay please don’t ask him about that time he was kidnapped and ate his own clothes. Or that time his son burnt alive. Or what’s going on with the current status of his marriage) and their son: Luc Brenatto (Flower Boy - too old to be a flower boy. Mad that he was asked to be a flower boy. Teenager.) Also Nugget the Dog (ring bearer. Ate the rings.)
Champion of the Wildmother Caduceus Clay (Best Man/ designated cleric ‘will cast lesser restoration after you throw up’ / caterer it’s ok there will also be non-vegan options) and an unknown number of his parents and siblings that have never been to a wedding before and probably shouldn’t have started with this one)
Current Plank King Kingsley Tealeaf (Best Man/Fjord invited him here so he could steal back his boat) and a handful of miscellaneous pirates here for the free booze
That group of weirdos they met on the moon and didn’t expect to actually survive show up, including Lesbian (Purple / Beau and Yasha wanna fuck her ), Bisexual (Dead / Beau and Yasha wanna fuck her), Short Guy (Gay Sad Fighter) , Blue Guy (heading up the wedding band), Fire Lady (Hot, Wants to fuck Beau and Yasha), The Minotaur (Evil? Veth is gonna ruin her marriage tonight for sure Officiant???), Rocks (Rocks. free light feature.) and Strange Old Man (Caleb wanted him here. They hoped he might have passed in his sleep by now)
The Ruby of the Sea, Marion Lavorre (Mother of the Bride. Semi-retired courtesan. Agoraphobic. Wishes her daughter would’ve please just thrown an indoor wedding.) her husband? boyfriend? paramour? They’re not putting a label on it yet: The Gentleman, Babenon Dosal (Father of the Bride. Semi-retired crime lord mob boss human smuggler (repented) man of ill repute, kinda mad he wasn’t asked to walk his daughter down the aisle but whatever. Getting slammed down Big Style tonight and every night by Exandria’s Wet Dream)
Vandran (Father ‘Old Guy Who Was Nice To Him At A Pivotal Age’ of the Groom. Is having a number of rather concerning Tusk Love flashbacks. Thinks he probably should’ve stayed on his island. Jester keeps trying to set him up with Captain Adella (formally of the Drensala Vis. Now of Stone’s Throw Shipping) … there might be something there.
Marius LePual (pirate sailor, still not a murderer, immediately hammered)
Seafaring legend Orly Skiffback (pirate tattooist, is not tattooing for free. Is not in charge of Marius tonight)
Dwarven explorer Dagen Underthorn (no one’s sure he’s definitely here tonight. Beau thinks she saw him by the magic portapotty. Beau is drunk)
Enchanter Pumat Sol. And also Enchanter Pumat Sol. And also Enchanter Pumat Sol. The fourth one couldn’t get the time off work (half of the enchanted party decorations here are rentals from the Invulnerable Vagrant. They are not giving jester her deposit back)
Kiri (Flower girl. A more age appropriate choice. Luc is teaching her how to Crossbow uncle Fjord when he’s not looking) also the entire Schuster family is here too.
The Lightbringer of Uthodurn, Reanmimere (Flower girl back up ring bearer after Caduceus retrieved the rings from inside nugget it was super gross she bears the rings as a giant snake)
Professor Eadwulf Grieve of the Soltryce Academy (former-government-spy-assassin-wizard, currently the Cerberus Assembly’s equivalent of the gym teacher who also covers sex ed. Was startled by a Jester-Sending in the middle of the night and RSVP’d yes on impulse. Astrid wouldn’t help him get out of it. She kept laughing at him and it was mean)
The Traveler (Officiant / not a god / sometimes a weasel)
Sprinkle (always a weasel / dreams of a cosmic death / dyed blue to be Jester’s something blue even though… Jester… is blue?? Sprinkle is not having it)
Invited but did not show up:
Expositor Dairon of the Cobalt Soul (said to Beau ‘dear gods don’t make me go, I’ll do whatever you want.’ Is now covering Beau’s paperwork until she’s back from vacation)
Calianna (still hunting bowls. Sends her love.)
The Bright Queen (returned an official notice flanked by two armed guards to please not contact her by message spell again unless there is a war.)
Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Becke of the Cerberus Assembly (absolutely thrilled that Eadwulf accidentally agreed to this shit. Would rather submerge herself in hot oil than be at this wedding herself. Said so to Jester’s face. Also the Soltryce Academy is currently down two faculty members and somehow that’s her problem and you have no idea how hard it is to find a good substitute who isn’t gonna teach the kids evil.)
Vilya of the air ashari (the second that Rumblecusp was floated as a location she decided she was actually super busy that week.)
Jamedi Cosko (said ‘I don’t know you’. Is sticking by that.)
Allura Vysoren (sent a very expensive gift. Is making the conscious decision to separate herself from the Mighty Nein for the sake of her blood pressure. One adventuring party to babysit is more than enough) and Kima of Vord (barely remembers who these people are except the tall one and her hot wife)
Keg (currently a centaur. It’s awkward seeing the girl you once fucked be happily married with stolen orphan children while you’re currently a centaur)
Yussa Errenis (missing in action. They’ll figure out what mess he’s gotten himself into after the honeymoon. At this point it’s on him when this shit happens)
Not invited but showed up anyway
Gelidon, The Nightmare in ivory (angry)
Avantika (dead. angry.)
Isharnai the Prism Sage (angry. wants her promised hands)
Professor Thaddeus (bird. angry.)
Not to be that person but can I have a China Sorrows stand-alone book yet? Preferably pre-phase one and involving Eliza in some way???
What if Mac and Jacob gay bond???