Introspective - Blog Posts
3:45 am monologue
Sometimes I don't feel like part of humanity. More like a fake and empty emulator A mimic, unable to feel empathy
Sometimes, I fail to recognize myself in the mirror. Smiling and winking back at me, confused. Unsure what makes me so happy, a puzzle to be solved.
When I'm alone, the world dissolves into gray. No more observers; my essence is fixed in place. It's becoming difficult to avoid myself.
I keep repeating that everything will be okay. With what face do I claim? If I cannot keep myself awake For my dreams are nothing but dreadful recollections of past mistakes.
Afraid of everything, I live in despair. So much so that I forget to take a deep breath. Only unconsciousness allows me, briefly, to change the pace.
For those like me, I bid you farewell. Be your days better than the last sour taste. Don't forget to call them; they prefer you alive and sane.
My emotions are valid*
*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness
Keys
Some might keep the keys I gave
Some might feel their essence
Some might remember what I said
Some might feel them right away
Some might stay lost on their way
Some might find the door one day
______________________________
Runner up / Twin poem to:
Inmitten des weiten Nachthimmels
stehst du,
leuchtend, scheinend,
gebettet in weißer Watte,
friedvoll, stetig,
wachend und wandernd.
introspective zorua heck yeah!
"The line between good and evil runs down every human heart. The first thing is to win that battle in your own territory... When you look at the 20th century and think, 'Well, who brought on the horrors of the communist systems and the horror of the Nazi system?' It was people just like you... The price you pay for wisdom is radical disillusionment and the confrontation with evil. It's a terrible thing to confront and that's because human beings are terrible creatures; we're also absolutely remarkable creatures, but we have an unlimited capacity for brutality and every one of us carries it."
- Jordan B. Peterson
I haven't written in a ridiculously long time. While some find solace losing themselves in hidden diaries, only for your eyes to read,I, on the other hand have come to fear the blank page. Yet, I am in awe of the kind of experience writing offers. How things that didn't make sense kind of sort of still don't make sense but atleast you had a place to vent,right?
Or how when you finally find the courage to put pen to paper things finally feel better than they seem.
Tell me it's not just me???
One of my favorite podcasts of all time… As a behavior analyst/specialist, I found this to be super interesting. Applied behavioral analysis therapy is used typically to help people who have autism spectrum disorders, but have you ever tried to apply it to your own behaviors?
If you’re an authentic person who considers themselves as an empath… you’ll definitely relate to this episode!
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/almost-30/id1148183612?i=1000554072096
I will always be a 1940s introspective female author wannabe.
Once the tears finally stop and my lung revert to routine my eyes start to burn. The line where my lashes break through my skin stings a little more each time I blink. It seems fitting to my emotion addled brain, that physical pain should replace the psychological suit I was only moments before encased in. Because pain is grounding, a comforting constant. It roots you to your body and pulls your heart back from it's careful tearing at your mind. It is evidence of the event; a moments reprieve from the unrelenting screams that I am an Imposter. I have suffered then atleast, even if I'm yet to believe I can say I've suffered before. My eyes burn and I welcome my pain, my most devoted nurturer, for it has cradled me closer than any parent has. My eyes burn and I am left to wonder if my tears may be poison.
- In The Moments After by Me because I'm having A Time.
If to feel you need to be in touch
with what you are feeling (by air, sight or skin),
if you can't feel yourself then,
does it mean you are not in touch with yourself?
But then again, how can that be?
If you are alive, you must be attached to yourself
somehow, by some aspect of you!! It must be!
But what if it isn't?
Coudy rainy day? Awesome! Books are out, pencils are sharpened and I can finally watch some movies on that Prime account I never use for sh#^. Wish you all a Juicy Grey Day 😁🙌
Instant “kids’Classics
Wall-E (2008)
I loved Wall-E, so so so much. It’s accurate portrayal of the future of planet Earth, the emotions Wall-E developed for work, the planet, it’s survival and mindset and of course for EVE. Most important to the story, that’s done in a way kids and adults can understand and see, is how Wall-Es development is all done by personal growth and kindness and effort. But this movie is overall for the benefits of kids, to see how automation can destroy them in the future both by not going out or connecting with others but also by relying too much on technology (that tries to keep the humans under their control).
Along with the overall notes to humans, I love that so much of this film has no words. The lack of words isn’t because Wall-E nor EVE speak a particular language other than robot either, but because a good portion of it is in solidarity or confusion there isn’t much we can understand by words—but we see their actions which show to be just as important as words, if not more
Up (2009)
Yo! Yoooooooooo, this film was a lot darker than expected. Forget the first few minutes of pure heartbreak, where the hell did this villain come from? I know Scar tries to kills Mufasa and Cruella De Vil captured people and pups for a coat, but still—this guy could have jumped out of the screen to get us—Ring style!
This was an instant classic for kids and adults, because it’s hysterical Carl and Russell are both funny on their own, but they also thrive together as two people who would have the same relationship regardless of their individual ages. Carl is trying to hold onto his youth and have some peace and Russell is trying to be an adult while also having an adventure. While they will usually have opposing ideas and views about things based on their own agendas they do have a similar mindset and will continue to be friends long after this adventure.
PS—Minions (2015), I love, love, love this film. It’s not particularly clever or emotional, just so funny. Even for the fact that the main food they like…is food that looks just like them—what?
sneak peak into some of the content covered kissinger has stated on multiple instances that growing up in nazi germany had 0 effect on his psyche