Matt Engarde - Blog Posts
Someone needs to do a thing about Phoenix Wright becoming a Tumblr celebrity/meme in universe, getting treated in a similar way to how we treat Hbomberguy irl. You cannot tell me that Tumblr wouldn't see a lawyer solve a fifteen year old cold case by cross examining a parrot and not immediately declare him our king.
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Werewolf--Sex:
On trial rn and my defense attorney seems to be lowkey flirting with the prosecutor and it's really killing the mood ngl.
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Steelsamuraiass:
OP, your attorney is Phoenix Wright. He's been married to that Prosecutor for fifteen years. I even credits him for inspiring him to take up law in the first place.
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Werewolf--Sex:
Aw, that's actually really sweet.
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Engarde-Simp:
Didn't that guy once solve a fifteen year old cold case by cross examining a parrot?
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Werewolf--Sex:
What?
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Wrightworthkismesis:
Newbies discovering the pure insanity that is Phoenix Wright's career will never not be funny. Your trial is gonna be legendary.
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Engarde-Simp:
Did you really not do any research on your attorney before hiring him?
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Werewolf--Sex:
Doing research rn. This guy's career is insane. Listed in no particular order, my attorney, Phoenix Wright has apparently:
Needed to have evidence law explained to him mid-trial
Proven the existence of ghosts to win his trials(?????????)
Defended an orca in court.
Only lost three times in his entire career (absolutely fucking insane if you know how Japanifornia's legal system is. Tbh, defendants are screwed in our current system.)
Successfully proven that the prosecutor committed the crime his client was accused of by checking him with a metal detector.
Claims to have a magic necklace that can let him see lies??????
Was once nearly taken out by the mafia.
Once got impersonated by a dude with a cardboard badge.
Repeatedly been assaulted by witnesses and even prosecutors? Like, one of them straight up tazed him and he was once apparently whipped unconscious in court???
Survived getting hit by a speeding car and being sent flying, falling through a burning bridge, and all the times he got assaulted.
Also, that description of his relationship with the Prosecution really doesn't do any justice. Apparently, Phoenix only started practicing law so he could meet this man in court again.
Who gave this indestructible homosexual a law degree? He clearly has too much power.
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Sold-To-Gavinners:
Actually! Phoenix Wright is a fraud who got disbarred for forging evidence! I'd really appreciate it if we stopped ignoring all the bad things he did just because he's gay.
#anti-pw #freekristoph #antijurorsystem #anti-matt engarde
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Engarde-Simp:
Of all the Gavins, why'd you decide to simp for the one whose a creepy lawyer serial killer? The other one's the one with the band ya know.
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Sold-To-Gavinners:
Your name is literally Engarde-Simp.
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Wrightworthkismesis:
Wasn't Phoenix blackmailed into that trial and that's why he lost.
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Steelsamuraiass:
Yeah, apparently Matt hired an assassin to kidnap his girlfriend or something.
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Wrightworthkismesis:
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Steelsamuraiass:
Googled it. Apparently it was his co-council. They're just friends from what I can tell.
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Wrightworthkismesis:
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Warewolf--Sex:
Got declared not guilty btw. Apparently the real killer was the Judge.
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OfficialPWPost:
Official Phoenix Wright post.
‘kristoph engarde and dahlia would get along because they all want phoenix wright dead’ kristoph engarde and dahlia could be used to torture each other in a the good place scenario.
When I saw him I immediately know what I needed to draw
Average morning in the Japanifornia prison
my favorite hobby is obsessing over the characters/ships no one cares or rarely talks about. it isn’t a conscious decision, i don’t like it, and frankly it’s the worst “hobby” i could take up solely because of the little to none content i get, but someone has to do it. and i, along with the 7 other people in the fandom who are in the same boat, will do it.
(un)happy anniversary of matt engarde going to jail
so this ended up being my dark urge wild magic sorcerer for bg3 that I made based on Matt. Didn't feel like downloading any mods to make it super accurate to how he looks in the OG game but like. He's pretty so idc. Yes Juan is his guardian. Bc I'm gay and stupid and so are they
ouuughh… Highschool au where matt has shitty parents and Juan has the average suburban white life… ough…. OUGGGHH….
taking a behavioral pharmacology class for my psych degree? no. taking a behavioral pharmacology class to write a scientifically accurate matt engarde overdose.
so ive been playing a lot of baldur's gate 3 recently and after i finish my current playthrough im gonna do a dark urge run but have my tav be Matt Motherfucking Engarde. and I do actually have strong opinions about his class.
wild magic sorcerer . ! because he's definitely a charisma based class and I like to think about how his life might have been affected by the chaos that only wild magic can induce. And I've thought about maybe warlock before but I think it's very important for Matt to be like. The source of his own power, y'know? In line with his acting talent being the thing that got him where he was, like, he was a Child and he was working his ass off, it was not the result of some deity/being of some kind like "hey want some power??"
~~more under the cut~~
Maybe there's something with his backstory like . Something really terrible happens, maybe due to a wild magic effect (scar related? possibly? like that's how he gets his eye scar??) and he swears off using magic for a while but misses the feeling of being able to do great things and in this period of confusion is when he gets approached by some devil (he would be pact of the fiend, fight me) of some kind like "I heard you've been wanting power again?" and that's the kick in the ass that Matt needs to have this resurgence of faith in himself and his natural ability.
He's a performer/entertainer but I don't think he's bard coded y'know? Especially in fantasy land. And Paladin is the only other charisma class and um. No . That's just not him. I could see him maybe taking a few levels in rogue for sneak attack and cunning action type stuff but at his heart he's a magic user, it's intrinsically tied to who he is.
I also think he's either a human or a half-elf (high elf, sun flavor).
How they drew Matt in AA is really just like so funny to me because in what world does he have the dorito body proportions that the art gave him . he's a 21 year old junkie . like yes he's got the slutty waist but broad shoulders?? nah man he's too malnourished for that
rip matt engarde you would have loved shauna dean cokeland
!! ace attorney 2-4 spoilers !!
Okay so like . Yes I have my fix-it fic alternative timeline where the assassination never happens. But thinking about canon. Matt going to jail probably for life with no chance of parole with the shit he pulled. And just what happens in that prison. Because there's no way he lasts more than a few years. I have it actually fully fleshed out in my head what happens and would definitely write about it if the three Matt Engarde enjoyers would be interested. He definitely takes himself out. Gets someone to do it for him in a tragic full-circle ordering-a-hit moment.
Mind boggling to me that most people don't actually recognize the true weight of what Inpax did to Matt and Juan.....
With Matt specifically you've got the age thing and the fact that he was certainly a child when he and Inpax, a whole adult woman, got together but it's not like Juan being 19 was much better. Technically he's legal when they're together. but he's a child star. and she must have known him before he was 18.
And then you get into the power dynamics of it all. Dating your manager??? "Dating"???? Being groomed to think you love the person that has a major hand in your public reputation, your appearances, your career trajectory...... Inpax didn't want boyfriends, she wanted boys—BOYS. NOT MEN.—that she could sculpt into something that benefited her. The manager of a star, that's what she wanted.
I just. I really don't think people talk about her enough. This woman was not the victim in her situation!!!!!! "Oh Matt was a bad boyfriend" . the child. the child who has spent his youth on screen. was immature and not the best romantic partner for a woman that's bound to be mid-twenties at least ? that is so shocking . i can not believe the kid is acting like how a kid would act . -_-
Anyway . Matt and Juan deserved better.
Thinking some thoughts about Matt at this fine hour of the afternoon.
- boy division by my chemical romance
- castles crumbling by taylor swift ft hayley williams
- just the concept of matt engarde with a navel piercing
- the multitude of reasons why he tries so hard to hide his scars (his body is the one thing he's got going for him and now he's screwed it up, the false promise of hollywood glitz and glamour has betrayed him)
- constant nightmares of his own body being puppeteered on a stage and he's tied down to a first row seat
I need to get over my writers block and make more Matt content dammit
something something connecting matt to icarus. both of my loves whose stories and legacies have been bastardized by people who claim to know them. for different reasons of course but the sentiment still stands. i finished up my icarus poem, maybe i gotta write one about matt hm.
Only a normal looking guy in here, there's nothing wrong at all 😉
☕IN HERE☕
a young wocky kitaki was most definitely a fan of the nickel samurai and I would like to think that Matt has given him an autographed poster signed "to my biggest fan". they are so Big Brother Little Brother im ignoring canon I don't care
(quote is a pete wentz livejournal post)
"i am that gasp of breath on your deathbead (stale and panicked) but you're still dying for me. i got a list of things in my head that i miss about you. id love to write them but i dont want to give myself away to you this easily."
-- AA 2-4 SPECIFIC SPOILERS --
No because this is so Enrida. It is so Matt coded. Gasp of breath on your deathbed ???? So on the nose here but like Yeah It's Suffocation. But you're still dying for me ???? And the use of 'for' as a preposition is so interesting because you can take it in the way of "you're dying because of me" but also "you are dying and you're doing it for me. a last act of devotion, even though I don't fucking deserve it." and I think that is so cool.
Things in my head that I miss about you. Present tense. He misses Juan in the here and now. He knows he fucked up. He made the worst mistake of his life and Juan is dead and he can't change that, he can only continue missing him. But keeping it all inside his head is all he's allowed to do. Because he's got an image. He's got their carefully curated rivalry to uphold. He can't reveal it. I don't want to give myself away to you this easily.
hey 4 matt engarde fans on this app . i made a shrine for him in my college apartment pls look at he. will probably add more maybe like red stickers and motorcycles and stars just to make it look fancier but here is ver 1.0 !!!!
no one knows matt engarde more than i do. he is me. i am him. we are the same. i am aware that is not a good thing.
Wocky kitaki and matt engarde comm I made for @pisskingirl on twt!🥰
COMMS OPEN! || interested? Dm me here or on twitter @rlgstuffers!
saw Wicked on Broadway for the first time this weekend and can I just say No Good Deed is so so so matt coded.
"no good deed goes unpunished" oh you mean like how he told juan the truth about inpax and her creepy abusive ways to try and save him from that relationship and then years later they're both blamed for her death?? yeah??? yeah.
Also the reason Matt looks all biker despite it going against the "spring breeze aesthetic" because Desiree wouldn't allow him to leave the house otherwise.
" You are not allowed to leave the house without biker gear."
" It'll be quick, I'm just taking a limo to and back to pick something up from the studio."
" I don't care."
She wins everytime.
Juan drank tomato juice from a wine glass like how Matt drinks (seemingly) chocolate milk from a wine glass the both of them wanted to be seen as mature soooo bad there's so many parallels between them ahhhh
electric touch is so enrida and I will be making an entire google doc analysis thank you very much