Reflecting - Blog Posts
Resting and reflecting
Lately I've been focusing on other parts of my life and finding what truly brings me joy.
Despite the uncertainties, I'm thankful for these years of reflecting and facing head on my inner turmoils. I'm grateful for the love and support that surrounds me, be it at home or virtual. I'm especially grateful that, one of the reasons that I've been feeling at peace is I finally got the help of medication. I'm acknowledging that I needed more help than just therapy and meditation (although these are just as powerful resources), and that's completely okay. It's been helping greatly, and I'm relieved to feel more like myself again -- kinda like relaxing your jaw and realizing now that you've been tightening it this whole time.
It's only been a few weeks into the new year, but I hope you've all been well. Thanks for reading and sticking around, it's been a journey ❤️
#me #reflecting in the #grancanal of #venice 😌🚤 (presso Grand Canal Of Venice, Italy)
The wind is as cold as my feet tonight.
Outside on thanksgiving, in my grandparents back yard. I’m almost half as tall as the tree that once towered over me. I’m more comfortable here than I am inside. I like being alone better sometimes, when my head isn’t too loud. And I am grateful for many things. For him. For my best friend/the only girl I’ve ever loved. For my cat. For the cool windy air. For stolen, secret lunch-break kisses, and flirting with people I’ll never have. that the band that’s always been a part of me, might now actually work out someday. For my cousin. For the bands on the radio that got me this far. That I can express how I feel, even if it’s only in what I write. For all my friends, the people I know I can count on. That he’s still alive. I think the thing I’m most grateful for is that I’m still alive to experience the rare good things in my life. I held on long enough for that. And it would be a tragedy if I had died before finally being happy. Goodnight, I guess. (For once I think I mean that.)
End of Another Day, End of Another Year
Enjoy every moment
I heard some sad news today. The kind of news that will dramatically alter the course of a long time friend's life. But without getting into specifics, a lot of soul searching comes from it. The takeaway is that we should make every effort to make the best of every moment of our life.
Say thank you to anyone who makes an effort. Tell your family you love them. Hug your kids. Pet your cat on the head when you pass her. Stop and smell a beautiful flower. Take a picture of that interesting scene you pass that leaves an impression on you. Most importantly, go after what you want.
If you want to learn a language. Do it. Do it properly. Do the boring memorization and then activate it. Make opportunities to speak in that language. Don't be shy. Help a stranger or join a social group. Stop worrying about being perfect and focus on improving your communication abilities.
Life is short. The little things we worry about, are they that big? Was it a big deal that you made a grammatical error when speaking? What does matter is the connections that we have made, the appreciation of life and satisfying our curiosity and desires.
Life is short and unpredictable. Be prepared to make the most of everything you experience.
Reflecting on 2021
Hey Ya’ll,
Not gonna lie...I am so happy that 2021 is over. Apart from the pandemic, there was a bunch of other stuff that happened in my personal life that I wish didn’t. I know I’m, definitely, not the only person who, unfortunately, relates to this. These past few years have reinforced the fact that we can’t control every single event that happens in our lives. The most we can do is the best we can to get by.
I shed a lot of (unhappy) tears during 2021. I got my heart broken multiple times. I compared myself and my life a lot to my peers. I, often, felt as if I was living in a different timeline than some people. While I was watching other people reaching all of these incredible milestones (e.g., getting a new job, being promoted, becoming homeowners, finding romantic partners, getting engaged, etc.) I, constantly, felt like I was just stuck. My mental health deteriorated. I neglected and lost myself. I felt like a complete loser in comparison to my peers. I also felt very jealous and, at times, bitter. I really longed for something incredible to happen to me as well. But, it just felt like one let down after another. The worst part is, I barely had time to breathe before the next negative thing happened. I was a wreck, basically...and not a lot of the people in my life even knew this. The ones who did were only aware of what I told them. I, often, left out details from my venting sessions because I was afraid it would be too much and they wouldn’t understand. So, they did not know the full extent of what I was experiencing.
This past week, I have been doing some reflecting on the past year as a whole. I, ultimately, decided that I never want to feel the way I felt last year ever again. That was the lowest I have ever been and just the thought of ever getting to that point again makes me nauseous.
Last night, I spent some time creating a vision board of how I want my 2022 to look like. I have never made a vision board before, but I have made new year’s resolutions in the past. Though...I have yet to actually accomplish any of the resolutions I have set during my 25 years on this earth thus far. Since I’m more of a visual person, I figured that a vision board would be an effective way to supplement my new year’s resolutions/goals/intentions (whatever you prefer to call them) for this year. I ended up creating mine on Canva. I then saved the document as a JPEG file and made the image my desktop wallpaper. That way, every time I open my computer to do homework, send emails, watch Netflix, etc, I am reminded of everything I want to accomplish for myself.
I know that there are a lot of changes I’m going to have to make in order to stay consistent with my goals this year. I’m fully prepared to make them. I’m not sure what it is, but I really have a feeling that this year is going to be different. And no, I’m not jinxing myself by saying that. I’m setting my intention for the life I want this year and putting it out into the universe to help manifest this. I know intention is not enough, but it is an important step in my pursuit of having a much better year in comparison to 2021 and having the best year I’ve had in a long time.
So, with that...here’s to a (for the most part) fresh start. I’m wishing a thriving year filled with many positive experiences and less tears for all of us. If your 2021 was actually a a positive year, then I wish you another positive year. I think we all deserve more happiness and less negativity, trauma and tragedy.
Though, as I stated previously, you can’t control every single event that occurs in your life. So, additionally, I want to reiterate the following; do the best you can to get by. Even if it’s just waking up and getting out of bed, that is enough. You are always enough.
I’m really looking forward to how this year progresses for all of us. If you have also set any goals/intentions for yourself, I hope you accomplish them.
Stay safe friends :)