Sober - Blog Posts
Today (or yesterday at 11 pm technically) I reached a hundred days clean of my self-harm addiction.
I don’t know what anything will hold in store
I’m not too scared about that or even stressed
I still believe I’ll get worse again but at the moment, I’m okay
two months ago in psych ward
after my last toxic psychosis… never touching that shit again
#TLT aka #thelivingtombstone #livingtombstone #orangeskullguy #thelivingtombstonefanart #thelivingtombstonemusic #thelivingtombstoneyoutube #youtube #skeletondrawing #floatingthroughspace #inky #sober #vibingdrawing https://www.instagram.com/p/CE40NcynO1U/?igshid=k1x09oq5h0kq
I've been going to a lot of different meetings lately and I just got my 6 months chip from AA last night. I will get my 6 months tag from NA on Monday. This is the longest I have ever been sober by choice. The sober living program I'm in is the best decision I have ever made. I get more support here than I ever have from anywhere else.
“The College Experience” On Being the Sober Friend
Many people seem to think that the Sober Friend, the one who doesn’t party, but will come get you and fix you up misses out on some fundamental aspects of the college experience. And yet in looking back I believe I got to experience some of the highlights of being drunk and/or high without the expense of the traditional substances. Then again, there were still the health services fees and engineering textbooks cost more than boose so...?
1. Master of Vomiting.
Yep...Noro. I can vomit while practically laying down on the toilet. The trick is to strangle the piping. I’m also quite skilled at running while nauseated and, knock on wood, haven’t missed the toilet yet.
2. Waking up on the floor + awkward interactions with someone I barely know.
Whatever you do, don’t take a shower when you’re severely dehydrated.
3. Inability to walk a line
Albuterol after I had the flu
4. Memory Loss
Severe sleep deprivation will do that.
5. Bloodshot eyes
Sleep is for people who don’t have a major statics project and circuits and a thermo exam due the same day.
6. Anti-skunk smell procedures
The people across from me didn’t have to wash their laundry but I wasn’t about to get suspended for their lack of caution and found myself freebreeze-ing my room with the best of em’.
7. The munchies
No excuse for this one. Three weeks four boxes of marshmallow fruit loops.
big shift inside
been sober for 20 days, vegan for 17 hours. don't want props, just a fact.
Each in the pants of the other- from episode 6
Denials.
Meine Haut zu dünn, durchsichtig - Ich bin ein Geist. Reisse mich solange zusammenen bis es mich zerreisst.
Planen? Wann denn? Mein Kalender ist pechschwarz. Der einzige Ausblick den ich hab' ist der aus meinem Fenster.
Hasse mich und mache mich tot, ja. Mit dem Liq oder mit dem Pulver. Betäube mich innerlich, äußerlich, manchmal clean, doch niemals sober.
Bin verwirrt, verstehe nicht was du sagst oder was ich mein'. Such' verzweifelt nach einem Halt doch die Angst, sie bleibt.
Ich schieb' Frust, ich schrei, halt den Rand und schweig. Überzeugt, ich hätt' nichts oder alles ist meins, doch die Angst, sie bleibt.
Today, I found myself heading to a Buddhist temple for an addiction recovery meeting and meditation session. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, my mind racing with all the ways things could go wrong. Why? Because the mind, though a powerful tool, is just that—a tool. It should be used only when needed; otherwise, it will create problems simply to justify its own activity, becoming an addiction in itself.
As I made my way there, I became aware of the vibrations of the music resonating in my ears, the wind brushing against my face, the comfort of my seat—each moment was rich with joy. Yet, we so rarely tap into the immediate joy available to us in the present.
“You don’t know how to love me when you’re sober
When the bottle’s done you pull me closer”
-“Sober” by Selena Gomez.
officially 1 month sober from alcohol
The song is important 😄❤
Kaoru and Hoshiko are literally every song dynamic you can think of
they’re okokok + lalala, they’re nanana + romper romper romper, they’re siren scream + mermaid song, I can name more
the way i only know the first one
Hard drugs. Hard problems.
Functional + Generational Addiction are hard. Why me, God? Wasn't being gay in the South enough? I didn't fall into the stereotypes. I wasn't a drug addict cliché. No one ever said anything. Why didn't anyone ever say anything?
Kyle. I can see that you are a little fucked up. Or, you look like you had a long night. No one ever said a thing. It turns out because they didn't actually know. Not always. Not even the times I was so sure they did.
222
"a long and difficult cycle will soon be over". That was the tarot card I pulled. It had the moon sign of what the moon would be in on my birthday last year. I saw 222 constantly while I was getting sober.
Well, soberish. Sober-adjacent. Or just drug addict in denial.
But no offense, if you can't tell if I have used, it makes it less desirable to quit. I know the health problems. I know it makes me a bad person. But so did being gay. So why should I care who thinks I'm a bad person or not. I still do though. And it ate me alive for years.
The inner turmoil was the worst of it, come to find out.
Leaving every social interaction wondering if they could tell. If they knew. It started to overshadow everything. Every moment of my day. It was always in the back of my mind. That I had done meth. That I was technically on meth. We all know the stereotypes. But I went to work. I went to school. I paid my bills. I got good grades. I took showers, brushed my teeth. I went to dinners, events, funerals, birthday parties. No one ever said anything. No one ever asked.
But I would read their faces. Their expressions. Any sign or glimpse that they knew my dirty little secret. Any hunch that I was exposed, and that they knew. Oh how terrible it would feel. To be just a dirty drug addict. It truly was Hell. Even worse than being gay.
I heard the whispers of gold
That rode on the breath of dawn
They were quiet
With their tickling breath
As i was sobered by the sun