Sucks - Blog Posts
Do you know how I feel? I feel like I’m drowning, and I’m aware of it but I can’t do anything.
I know I have to study a lot, but I can’t. I can’t get myself to do stuff, to concentrate.
I know I have to keep my house in order and do the dishes every day, do the laundry. But I can’t.
I am gaining weight and I know I should and want to eat healthy and not stress-eatings. But I do.
I know that I should be active more and workout so that I have a nice body. But I can’t do it more than one day.
I know I should take care of myself. But I fucking can’t.
And I hate myself for losing control like that, not being able to control my willpower. I hate myself for knowing this shit and still procrastinate and watch a movie instead or surf the instagram. I know I’m wasting my time, but there’s this voice in my head that’s just so strong, when I hear it I say ‘screw it you’ll do it tomorrow’. And the worst part is I am allowing that voice to control me. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what’s happening to me, it’s like I’m losing control over my mind and my will to do things. I am telling myself every fucking day that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be a new start, but I feel deep down that it won’t. I feel like I’m drowning in my own sadness.
I realized a few days ago that I’m in depression. And that hit me hard. I am alone, sad and depressed. And I am trying to fight this fucking thing everyday but I fail. You know what though? I don’t want to lose control to that little piece of shit, I don’t want to be unhealthy, fat and depressed. I will fight it and I will kill it.
And when I do, it will be the greatest win of my life.
The Beowulf movie is so bad, but you have to give the animators credit for the insane amount of creativity when censoring Beowulf’s dick
My mum asked me what type of guys i am interested in
anyone and everyone who is out of my league , ma 😭😭
as someone who loves to read and is very much a language arts/history smart type of person, i GENUINELY hate my lang class right now. i swear this teacher has no concept of how little time we all have
So, I think I like the photo mode..
What do normal peoples consciences sound like?
All the suck for the awesome
Difficulties may come. Or actually do come. We like to call even the less trying days hard ones, too, but now I'm speaking of real difficulties. As I said, we come across those times.
I'm convinced you know what I'm talking of, when I say being the burn-out one, doing the monotonous routine you swore to never do, dreaming big but always being stuck in second gear... These all are quite common symptoms of a-normal-life.
I've just arrived at the end of one of these periods. It's been a quarter year, that I lived through many sufferings. But I must admit, that most of them were self-inflicted, for all this served an indeed great purpose: the benefit of my personality.
I've been very reluctant towards my studies in mechanical engineering. I grew to hate my uni, and all that came with it. BUT this time has come to an end, when I realised, how incredibly much I've gained from this. I learnt truly spectacular and useful matters, and I've made important acquintaces, valuable friendships. True ones. Much more true ones, than what I foresaw for the period.
All in all, I'm clearly grateful for the thing I hated the most in the past couple of months, since I feel like I've become a better man through them. It makes me delightful to have been able to just remain on the surface.
Oh boy, I'm exhausted, so I suppose this post will end up as some nonsense but I hope, that for some of you out-there, it will mean what I meant...
Waiting is hard but it's better than having nothing to look forward to.
I'm Just Going to Rant
Let me be the first to lay my hand on the "White-Girl Bible" and say "I Can't Even." I miss my fucking family. I want a cigarette. And dear god I miss sleeping. Why can't drugs and alcohol cure the memories and all the bad situations. I want to be thinner. Yet, I want to eat all the food my heart desires without a tummie ache. I can't hear my own thoughts anymore. It feels like I can't even escape to the privacy of my head. I feel as if I have no privacy. I'm sick of people not listening. And I'm sick of being tired. And also tired of being sick. I want the love again. I want the freedom to say "yes" and the freedom to say "no." I feel as if I don't have a choice anymore. I don't want to fall victim to someone else's will. Doesn't my opinion matter? Or does the fact that I have a vagina prohibit me from having an opinion. I hate skipping school. But I hate the way school makes me want to hurl myself off a cliff. I'm scared to look in mirrors anymore. I want to be pretty. I'm tired of seeing a sad girl who doesn't like anything about herself. I miss being called beautiful. I miss my Dad. I wish people didn't joke about suicide. I wish people understood. I can't handle anyone's "problems" anymore. I just can't relate to them. My life is a fucking plane crash: awful, messy, and burning everyone alive. Why should I have to trade my confidence for love? Shouldn't being loved make you confident? I can't do this.
Yonkers yknow what,,, the world has no perception of me anyway so......fuck it
Imma do whatever the fuck I want
Whenever the fuck I want
Got my eye on you...
Does anyone else have English teachers that just hate math. Like they’ll say “oh yeah, I suck at math that’s why I’m an English teacher” and I wanna argue with them and say that’s a terrible reason to become an English teacher... but now that I think about it. It makes sense to say “fuck this y=x bs, imma stick to my first language”
how do you write narrative and reflective essays i need help