Trying - Blog Posts
I have so many fics planned(Over 100) with the plots ready to go but no will to actually write them
I tried , I really tried .
Love this
*sigh* #poetry #poem #poet #poemsofig #poemsofinstagram #poetryisnotdead #originalpoem #writers #creative #writing #writingcommunity #musings #tired #trying #selflove #dreams
I am getting offended by most of the things these days...
Don't know if it's my newly found self worth phase or I have crossed the thin line to enter the ego phase.
Trying
I'm trying my best
To keep on going
Stay true and remember
To learn and adapt
To Be honest and open
Towards you and myself
And when I'm exhausted
I'm trying to rest
I understand and I believe in u. I feel the same way.
Fuck everything
Why is it that I feel my willpower at times can't begin to be matched in certain situations, with specific people?
I'm not trying to talk horribly about them I've just noticed I'm willing to do a lot more in a lot of situations
I'm not trying to be an ass or anything I would just appreciate it if my actions and feelings through actions, were a little bit more of the same as some specific someone else's. I know not everyone is the same and I'm genuinely happy and lucky to be surrounded with some of the people I'm surrounded by. I just feel like I go above and beyond just to receive "just enough," or bare minimum. I don't see how my feelings or loyalty with anything can be questioned when I do more than expected of me so much. But it is what it is for now. Things will change, let's see how.
I ironically (a fat bitch) need to be reminded of this each time I write a new OC.
i'm letting you go with just a warning this time but you better draw her fatter next time ok?
Don’t Do It
Long sleeves don’t look pretty in summer
You’ll get weird looks off people you don’t know
Sympathy in their eyes as they watch you perspire
Or itch
Or suffocate yourself to hide what’s underneath
They ask themselves why
But all you can do is pull your sleeves lower
Those you love will only grieve for you
You’ll see tears drip down their cheeks
Just like blood drips down your arms
Or legs
Or wherever you hurt yourself
They’ll ask themselves why
But all you can do is shrug your shoulders
Sex becomes a lot harder with the lights on
You’ll hide under the covers
Hoping the one you love might not see
Or touch
Or feel the rough scars you’ve littered your body with
They’ll ask themselves why
But all you can do is pull the blankets tighter
The release is only temporary
You’ll only get the satisfaction for so long
Before you’re itching to repeat the same action
Or another
Or some other way you can possibly hurt yourself
You’ll ask yourself why
But all you can do is reach for the blade again
My sleeve rolled up, but only for a second. I didnt even notice my fresh scars were showing. Suddenly i feel my sleeve being pulled up. Its my "friend". She doesnt know i cut. Only 1 person knows. I just said it was my sisters cat. She didnt buy it. Other people start to join in, asking what really happened. Ive beeen keeping this secret for 2 years, and ill be damned if they find out now.
Eventually, they gave up on asking. That night, i cut a little too deep. A little too far down. My thighs were already covered in blood, so i moved on to my upper arms, so it could be covered with a tshirt. It started rolling up again and the next day, i felt that same terror as someone tried pulling up my sleeve without warning. I couldnt think. I was in a group of about 10 people, and i had a total breakdown. I blacked out, but luckily, my one friend was in that group and told everyone to just leave me alone. Thats why i love her so much. I know she'll always have my back, even though we havent talked about it in a year.
I feel like im being shaped and molded into what you want. You're chipping away pieces of me, and im letting you.
- it would feel nice to belong somewhere
I said it would be fine. That i was okay just being your friend... until you told me that you love her and that you would wait for her. You once said that to me, and now you dont even think about what we once had, because to you, that was nothing. I knew i was just your rebound, but i just wanted to know what it was like. I was in it for the rush, that high you get. But little did i know there would be such a dark fall after. Were good. Weve both moved on. But, still i go back to us holding hands in the movie theatre, telling me you love me. Well, not really. You went back to her a few weeks later. Youre chasing someone who doesnt love you, and im chasing you, who doesnt love me. What made me this messed up that i dont look at the people who love me but only think about the one who doesnt? Because whats not healthy for you always has the best high, and once youve had a taste, youre hooked.
"Save me from tomorrow but thinking twice what would've happened if you didn't?"
Me in my 23/100 day of productivity and dying through all the assignments I was doing up until now. I guess I am a bit out of touch with my studies so I'll work harder!
21/100 days of productivity
I'd rate today two enthusiastic thumbs up, 4/5 stars...I got tested today as well as being loaded of homework! Study to achieve the dreams you aspire as they always say! I'm feeling on the downside a bit but I'll shake that off during the all nighter I'm going to do. Struggling a bit but trying to keep on to the positive vibes...
My notes may look fresh
But I crave death... I flunked my bio test with a C. Next time, I'll get an A for sure!
The King’s Speech
It has Colin Firth, it has some true-history, and it has a different type of diversity. Separate from The Big Sick and Menasche, The King’s Speech continues with the giving voices to those who are voiceless, different and put aside. Recently the film the Upside brought along the question of who should be asked, allowed or at least the ability to try for roles of those with disabilities—especially with films centered on the disability. It’s easy to say that those who have the disability should be given preference and not the role, but maybe there are parts of the role or the schedule that would put too much pressure—Jim Jefferies discussed this in regards to his show Legit—and there might be other obstacles not understood or, as is the case with most things, it’s too “difficult”. It’s a big topic to get into, but one that I couldn’t not flag as the point of this film and post is highlighting things that are difficult for some and confusing for others.
Physical disabilities are not discussed or addressed much in our world or in films and mental and non-physical disabilities are commonly ignored to the level of “they don’t exist”. While a unique situation, Colin’s character is thrust into a more public role where he must be eloquent and present. The Good Boy and frustrated he tries and eventually succeeds at lessening his speech impediments. This is a Hollywood film, with a Hollywood film ending but it still got across the point that he both (1) didn’t have to be perfect, and (2) the difficulties that come with trying to change something innate of your existence. This film does bring forward those with the more sidestepped disabilities that many overcome but are still nervous about, especially as the speech therapist in the film and real life (Lion Logue) remained with the King until he died. Imperfect, the film does stand-in for actors and actresses standing up and making political statements during award shows: they have these platforms, they have (temporarily and from a distance) experienced these journeys, and while it might not always be a true story of someone’s, anything that you can think of has having happened, has happened to someone, somewhere in the world
I’m In For The Ride
I find it funny that
White roses tarnish with age
I'm scared my love
Will have wrinkles the next time I will meet
Will it be you or me at the welcome mat?
Maybe I will keep your coat hanger for my rage
Like Cinderella shoe, or someone’s glove
I keep your writing as a treat
I'm in need of a deep conversation
And I think you'd be perfection
I wonder your thoughts on bottling up fear
And using the pressure like a Coke and Mentos rocket
Blast off with irritation
And safety goggles for protection
We could talk about what we think of Shakespeare
And girls pockets
When it comes to talking
I just don’t know how or where to start
Maybe I'm in need of a brave summer vacation
I have don’t have many ideas though
I just have to keep a rolling and a rocking
I also have to learn how to part
With hesitation
Learn how to jump head first into something when people are saying no
I have to learn to not think, just do
Every time I go around I want to reach for the gold rings
And see everything I can see before I can’t see
I want to know that if I failed, at least I tried
I find it funny how we all do the same motions but are different each time we carry them through
How we change slowly and want and need different things
I'm scared and I want to break free to be me
Lets see where life will show me and take me to, I'm in for the ride
🤍cute
;; el intento
no quiero volver...
¿pero alguna vez te fuiste? si siempre estuviste, atado a la pared.
lo quiero encontrar...
¿pero de verdad existe? si siempre imaginaste lo que vos querías ver.
no quiero llorar...
pero no encuentro el chiste. si las sonrisas falsas son las que más se me ven.
habrá algún lugar...
¿donde nada sea triste? ya se bien la respuesta pero pregunto otra vez.
te quiero adorar...
¿pero no mereces irte? si nada cerca mío te ayudará a crecer.
me quiero sanar...
¿pero la cura existe? si todo lo que mata siempre vuelve otra vez.
no importa el momento,
nunca deja de doler.
My world is nothing but mundane. I work. I worry about screwing up at work. Sometimes I study for an exam that baffles me and interests me little. I slouch at my desk and look busy. I anticipate terror that often times never comes.
Sometimes I manage to focus enough to read. I finished Understanding Power by Noam Chomsky. I e-mailed the man. He wrote me back. He didn’t say much but I appreciate that he acknowledged an anonymous nobody like me. I learned a lot from that book. It did something to me.
I came very close to angrily declaring to my therapist that communism will win. That was really the first time that I expressed candidly the role living in such a fucked up society has on the psyche. That is a huge part of this. This. What I’m doing here. What makes me cry. What fucks me against my will. What turns me into a homely yet charming robot who is programmed to provide you with excellent customer service today. What makes me do this. Trying to express without asking you for a credit card number first.
That’s a huge part of the project.
What do you do in the world when you just can’t shake something?
I read a MHA fanfic where Deku and Bakugo were like soulmates or mates?? I think it was an ABO fic and like Bakugo rejected Deku when they were middle school. And because of that, Deku’s scent became like rotten so he took suppressants. But they stopped working one day and all of 1-A smells him and we’re like what the heck Deku who rejected you?? But like I read it so long ago and I can’t find it now so if anyone knows what I’m talking about please tell me.