Vent I Guess? - Blog Posts

one of my personal favorite tropes it’s the “well, we are really close and get along pretty well! they’re one of the best people in the world and one of my best friends. We hook up and good he fucks me so well and sometimes i fantasize about getting married but it’s not like i’m head over hills for them! NO NO NO NO NOPE. NO HOMO!!! TOTALLY BUDDIES BEING BUDDIES! but oh lord if you touch them I SWEAR TO FUCKING-” and i am was absolutely enchanted that this new episode got all of that!!

I also got to understand fizzy a lot more and now he (and maybe Ozzie) is my favorite character after Stolas!

I love how he and Blitz made up after a long time, even though I thought it was kinda quickly (or maybe i was just way too anxious and excited about my hyperfixation getting a new episode). I loved to see Blitzo getting to fix his mistakes and apologizing. I loved seeing him and fizzy talking and making jokes and arguing bc they’re so goddamn funny and have so much connection! Their friendship got my heart warm :]

I was a bit heartbroken about Stolas and how worried he was about his situation with Blitz. but I’m happy he seems to have a friend who will help him a bit and seems he can count on!

I LOVED FIZZAROLLI’S SONG OMG???? it was so yummy and nice and coool and AARSHAJDJAKSKAKSDKS

overall i REALLY loved this episode! Helluva Boss’s have been one of my hyperfixations and helped me through some really hard times. dunno if this is normal but i but i got so happy and excited about my hyperfixation having new content i actually got depressed and needed to take some SOS and go for a walk???? helloooo whatever the GAD and Depression are doing to me this is one of the craziest.

I get really REALLY insecure with talking about Helluva Boss on my socials and with anyone in general since i know the creator of it has some bad reputation and did really shitty things and the Hazbin Hotel series is pretty much hated for what i can see.

yeah i was afraid of what people would think about me if i tell them i hyperfixate on Helluva Boss and worried if they would thought i agree with any of the bad stuff that goes behind the creator and stuff.

so i just thought it would be a good idea if i just posted about it here (since a lot of people liked my helluva boss drawings) and take this stuff out of my chest to calm down my post anxiety attack. yeah thats it thanks if you read until this point :]

so yeah one of my favorites episodes so far!!! <3

I hate posting shit when I know nobody is gonna see it but I know for a fact that my favorite pieces always have like 1.5 likes, so I'm learning to just post. No thinking about everything, no counting views, just taking my space and carrying on

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

change and growth plz not trying to be angsty but i’m genuinely so upset i feel like i’ve thrown away everything i’ve worked for