Axel - Blog Posts

Art I made for a video that I really liked (mostly cause of xion) and wanted to share lol

AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 19: SET C - “Crush My Heart”

The first thing I felt was a stinging pain carved in my face.

I touched my cheek with a shaking hand and so the second thing I felt was wet and sticky and warm and it suddenly made me taste iron on my lips.

The third thing I felt was breathing. My own, deep but burning in my chest, and that of another, calm, below me. Another. Another person.

I tried to wipe away the blood from my eyes and moved to lift myself up. It was hard, my whole body felt heavy, but I managed to prop myself up on one arm. And there you were.

Breathing, motionless. I stared at your face. Alive, but unmoving. I tried to say your name, but nothing came out, my lips wet with blood but dry anyway and my throat numb. I didn’t know how long I hovered over you, but it was the realization that I was dripping blood onto your face that finally made me sit back.

I didn’t know why I was bleeding again. I didn’t know why I was lying on the floor or why you were there (asleep? unconscious?). But I realized I did know where I was. My breath started to hitch and I felt my stomach clench as I recognized the room where we had lost our hearts. Where you tried to save me, where I gave in anyway, my heart taken from me and my face carved.

Why were we here?

Did this mean… that it was … over?

Was I... back…? Was I …

Was I me again?

Sometimes as a Nobody I had tried to imagine how it would feel when my heart would be returned. I thought I’d feel relief or maybe even happiness. But in reality all I felt was pain and grief and a horror I couldn’t even place but that gripped me so tightly it blocked out everything else. When tears finally came I didn’t stop them. They burned in the cuts on my cheeks, but I barely felt it. I sat next to your unmoving body and I wept for the first time in years, until finally someone came rushing into the room, screaming your name and taking both of us away.

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Reblogs: Yes, thank you! <3 Reposts on other websites: No!

AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 18: SET C - “Lyrics (Only If For A Night)”

[ And I heard your voice, as clear as day And you told me I should concentrate It was all so strange, and so surreal That a ghost should be so practical ] [ Only If For A Night – Florence + the Machine ]

Somewhere in the darkness, I thought I heard your voice. I thought I felt your hands.

The sensation was so real and warm and wrong. I was alone, wasn’t I?

But I heard it again, so far away, felt it so close to me and it didn’t matter. I didn’t care if it was real or an illusion or a fever dream my crumbling mind conjured. I clutched onto it. It gave me a focus, a lifeline in the madness of my fall and I would not give it up.

I would not

give you up.

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Reblogs: Yes, thank you! <3 Reposts on other websites: No!

AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 16: SET C - “Disappearance”

I was watching as your light went out, and I felt nothing.

When he came for me, I fought with everything I had. He had beaten me before, but surely this time, surely with all the not-hatred I felt for him, I could win.

I couldn't.

As I felt myself vanishing, the pain and the sadness finally caught up on me. It was just for one moment, but I felt an overwhelming hurt. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to go back in time, back to when things were okay. I wanted nothing more than to be whole again. 

But there was nothing to be done. You were gone, and so was I.

In the end, it was all for nothing.

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AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 15: SET C - “Acts of Love & Hate”

It didn't matter that he wore a different name or a different face. I wanted to destroy him. It was a desire, roaring deep inside of me, overwhelming everything else. It was his fault. His fault. 

Destroying him wouldn’t fix what had happened, but it would set me free. 

Of him. Of you. 

Of the pain I refused to feel.

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AKUSAIMONTH 2015: BERSERK Day 13: SET C - “Blissful Ignorance”

I searched for the warmth I once found in you, but it was so hard to remember. Everytime you rejected me, it left me a little more indifferent and soon, there was nothing else left.

It didn't hurt. How should it, when I couldn't feel at all? Unlike you, I accepted it from the start. I didn't try to fight a fact I wouldn't be able to change.

I accepted it. Just as I soon learned to accept that you would no longer be a part of my existence.

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AKUSAIMONTH | 2018 Day 7: FREE DAY

I want you for a lifetime So if you’re gonna think twice, baby I don’t wanna know, baby I don’t wanna know

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3] [Day 7]

AKUSAIMONTH | 2018 Day 3: You’re too hot when you’re mad.

(I’m spending summer at @kittendough’s place, something like this was bound to happen.)

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3]

AKUSAIMONTH | 2018 Day 2: After Missions

It was painful, but least they had each other.

[Day 1] [Day 2]

Akusaimonth Day 1: Dawn & Dusk

Artist: Skia (σκιά)

“This is the first AkuSai work I have ever done. I attempted to illustrate the course of their friendship by the metaphor of the sun’s course.”

This is my younger brother’s work! He doesn’t have a tumblr, so I’m uploading it for him!

AKUSAIMONTH | 2018 Day 1: Dawn & Dusk

“But you'll never be alone, I'll be with you from dusk till dawn.“

(click it.)

[Day 1] [Day 2]

[2am]

I had trouble sleeping again lately, so I decided to put the thoughts and feelings that kept me awake on paper. The only rule to myself was to draw what my hands felt was right, not what my head thought was.

It feels ... good. And it helps a lot too.

Tagging as NSFW for nudity, but honestly, nothing was intended to be sexual in any way.

(Also, seems I was wrong when I said, I’d never post any Voltron fanart ever again. I didn’t think I’d fall this deep into it. Please, be kind, Voltron fandom ... )

AKUSAIMONTH // 2017 Day 3: Swap or Reflection

“Also, I’m pretty sure you liked it, judging by your reaction.”

“So, I guess that’s why you tried to pull the same thing a second time?“

“Now that’s plain unfair! I put a lot more work into it the second time! I mean, floating candles?”

“Well. I’d never seen anything that cheesy before, I’ll give you that.”

“Hehe, special day calls for special measures.”

“Right.”

“But you know? I’m glad you recognized it. I really wanted it to be like that time.”

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3]

AKUSAIMONTH // 2017 Day 2: First or Last

“Heh. I knew you’d like the idea! Just like back then, when you kissed me the first time!”

“Lea, stop. This is getting embarrassing.”

“Awwww, don’t be embarrassed for being a sweetheart~”

“Right. You set up all the candles in your house out on the street to look like stars in the night sky, remember? I’m still not sure if that was sweet or plain stupid.”

“You were so down after we couldn’t see the meteor shower, so I thought I’d cheer you up. Worked better than I had expected, hehe. Also, I’m pretty sure you liked it, judging by your reaction.”

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3]

AKUSAIMONTH // 2017 Day 1: Red & Blue

“Hey. Remember when we used to argue who the sky belongs to?”

“Because everything that’s blue was mine and everything in red yours? Yes, I do. You used to claim you’d overpower me in the evening.”

“Well… Can’t say I was wrong about that?”

“… Idiot.”

“Hehe. Anyway … What I was actually going to say: How about we call it a truce?”

“A truce.”

“Yeah, we never got to a conclusion. So let’s just say, we both own the sky.”

“That’s … This is stupid.”

“Heh. I knew you’d like the idea!”

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3]

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 7: [Free Day]

Today is a special day. Not only is it AkuSai day, it’s also my 5th anniversary as a fan of AkuSai! To celebrate this event, I decided to redraw the very first AkuSai drawing I ever did! ... ... ... I ... well. I guess my drawing style changed a bit, hahaha.

(I can’t believe I got into this ship because I wanted Axel to be happy. I mean. AkuSai. Happy. Wow. I guess, I had some serious misconceptions about Saix back then, and not only about his hair, haha.)

Well, I hope you all enjoyed AkuSaiMonth as much as I did! <3 Also, thank you for sticking around with me and for shipping this wonderful, painful, beautiful, terrible ship!

Small bonus again, this time it’s a bad quality mobile photo of what the last drawing looked like before I drew the hands. I had to sketch the faces anyway, so why not.

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 6: You’re going to be fine, I promise.

Time will heal all wounds and I’ll accept your scars

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 5: Mm, you’re warm.

“You too ...“

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 4: Just listen to my voice.

I think I’ll just leave this one here. Have fun trying to make sense of it, haha.

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 3: Let me clean your wounds.

(can be seen as a continuation to this)

Everything was spinning, at least that's what it felt like when he woke up. Lea just lay there, waiting for his world to calm down again. He made it, didn't he? He had seen Isa's heart … Isa.

Ignoring his dizziness, he opened his eyes and looked up. Isa lay barely an arm's length away from him. Still … … unconscious. At least, that's what he hoped it was.

In a sudden panic, he got to his knees and grabbed his shoulders. "Isa!", he called out his name, shaking him at the same time.

It felt like an eternity before Isa opened his eyes. There was no trace of yellow left in them. Only the greenish blue he remembered from so long ago. Lea felt himself breaking into a smile. All the tension and anxiousness that had kept him on edge this whole time simply fell away from him. He really made it.

His relief didn't last long once Isa reached out to him and … shoved him away. His voice sounded hoarse and weak and he didn't look him in the eye. "Don't touch me," he said. Lea felt his heart clench.

"Come on, Isa," he tried again, reaching for him one more time, only to get hold up by an arm, that certainly shouldn't be doing that. Everything went numb for him.

He had imagined this moment a hundred times. Heck, a thousand times. He didn't really expect Isa to fall around his neck or something, but this … this was nothing like what he thought. He saved Isa, didn't he? Why was he still acting like this? … Like … Saïx.

He just looked at him for a moment, trying to regain his composure. There were traces of the fight they had before all over him. It hadn't exactly been easy to enter Isa's heart.

Isa hadn't even gotten up. Apparently he was even worse off than Lea himself. "You're hurt," Lea stated in a firm voice, "Let me help you." He took hold of Isa's arm that was still trying to keep him away from him and pushed it down with mild power.

Isa still refused to look at him.  "No. Just … leave me be." But this time Lea heard his voice crack. He sounded … sad.

For some reason, it irritated him.

"Leave you be to do what? Die?" He grasped both his shoulders. Isa tensed up and tried to push him away again, but Lea didn't let him. "Do you really think I went through all that trouble, learning how to use a keyblade, waltzing right into a war, fighting you, just to let you die now?? No, Isa, I will bring you home and if I have to drag you all the way there."

Just then Isa suddenly stopped struggling and looked up to him. For a moment his face was full of disbelief, then he made a sound that was a mixture between an exhale and a laugh, and even though it sounded so sad, Lea felt happy about it. Because it was a reaction to him. And because there was the hint of a smile on Isa's face. It had been too long since he had a chance to see that.

"You're still … as stubborn as ever." His voice was quiet, but it wasn't cold. Not anymore. For the second time within a few minutes Lea felt relief wash over him. This wasn't lost, not yet. They could still go back to the way there were, it just'd take a bit longer than he thought.

"See, that's more like what I wanted to hear," he chirped extra cheerfully. He smiled at Isa, then he tightened his grip on his shoulders. "It's good to have you back. Isa."

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 2: Lyrics

Then your fragments show. [Fragments - Erio]

I’m sorry for the cheesy, uncreative idea, but I know KH3 won’t end good for those two, so I’ve made it my personal mission to draw as much Good-End! AkuSai as I can. Fight me if you dare. (  9   >   A  < )9/p>

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 1: Favourite Scene

[ He was  w e a k . ]

… he says, while showing so much sadness, disguised as anger, as despise. I don’t know what he thinks about in this moment, which memories come to his mind, yet it is easy to see the grief he denies feeling.

“What do you think you’re doing? You’re blocking my light.” “M-mm. Try saying that again without smiling, then maybe I’ll believe you.”

(Felt like fluffy post-KH3 good end AkuSai.) Also, I just realized today ... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 200 FOLLOWERS, you are amazing!   T  u T )/

AKUSAIMONTH: BERSERK Day 12: SET C - “Gradient”

Your behavior towards me changed. You changed.

It was important to keep a close eye on the wielder of the keyblade. Up to this very day, I cannot claim to know the full truth behind Xemnas’ – behind Xehanort’s plan. The essential part this boy played in it was obvious nonetheless. It was only logical to let you watch him.

As always though, you didn’t quite act as I was expecting. You never did, and still I could have never forseen the outcome this would cause. By the time I realized, it was already too late.

I was already losing you to him.

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AKUSAIMONTH: BERSERK Day 11: SET C - “Patterns”

How could you smile like that? How could you smile without a heart.

Everything was becoming routine so fast. I was separated from everyone else from the start. I realized it, yet this was giving me the best access to information, so I welcomed it anyway. You never stopped smiling whenever I send you off to those missions. You were joking and grinning, like nothing had happened. Like nothing was wrong at all. You seemed to do so perfectly fine. Unlike me.

I tried to tell myself that I was doing all this for you, for us, so we could go home together, as whole beings again, but soon the thought began to change in my head. It didn’t take long before I found myself blaming you for everything. A little more every time you smiled at me.

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AKUSAIMONTH: BERSERK Day 10: SET C - “FREE SPACE”

“It won’t be.” "Huh?" "It won't be okay, unless we make it. "You have a plan?" "Not yet. We don't know enough. Our only chance at the moment is to play along." "So, you do have a plan." "I doubt it's worth calling it that." "Pft, whatever. Don't be so grim, Isa. We can do this, right!"

I felt like falling. It was a vertigo, things were keeping to blur before my eyes. It was hard to keep myself together at that time. Being with you helped. Apparently I was the only one struggeling with this. I know for sure that you didn't. Then again, I was also the only one who had had an X carved into his forehead. 

It was incredible how fast the wound had healed – or rather, how fast it had scarred.

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AKUSAIMONTH: BERSERK Day 9: SET C - “Lyrics (Together)”

[ I know to be there When and where, I’ll be there You know what’s to be said We said out loud, we never said

My premonition of the world comes to me A sun in your eyes Says I’m alright ] [ Together - The xx ]

“Isa! Is that you?! Did it get you too?! Where the hell are - Woah, I-Isa, what - what happened to your face?!”

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Winter has to pass away for spring to arise Yet for spring flowers wilt so fast nothing remains in the end

Background infos and close ups here. (if it looks blurry on the dashboard, please view it on my blog)

A bit late, but Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of you! :)

(I wanted to do something cute, but it somehow turned out as a postKH3 pic, with Isa still feeling guilty for all that happened. Uh, whatever.)