Axel - Blog Posts

"He was weak." 17 Days.

I'm so looking forward to see the Final Mix cut scenes ingame!! = u = / So much more Saix. So much more emotional Saix, höhö.

(Also, I love the fact that Axel and Saix are sitting across from each other in the Round Room. I can't stop imagining Axel to grin and wave into Saix' direction, especially in the beginning when they first joint the Organization - and if just to cheer him up.)

This was this late summer's/early autumn's "I've got nothing to do for at least five minutes D:" picture. Yeah, I always have my drawing stuff with me for cases like that. xD

I actually made an interesting experience with this picture:

When I was drawing at a convention, a few guys who thought they were oh so funny watched me draw and one of them asked if they were kissing. (I just answered absolutely matter of fact, that if they were kissing their lips would actually touch. Of course that was not what he meant, but he didn't dare to open his mouth again after that, so yeah. xD)

On another occasion an elderly lady saw me draw and she was seemingly disturbed by the motif. I overheard her retelling what she saw to her husband and she on the other hand discribed it as "two men fighting".

At first I dismissed the "kissing" as well as the "fighting" understanding as wrong (compared to my own of course), because neither of those were what I wanted to show. After a while though I realised that this wasn't quite true. Those interpretations are still not "right", but they are not completely wrong as well. They are just ... incomplete. Seen together though they can actually get pretty close to my own understanding. Each of those people saw one of the tensions I had planned, but failed to see the other.

And in my opinion that's extremely interesting! I just love to hear other people's interpretations on my pictures! Especially on those that are actually not supposed to show a specific scene but more ... a state of mind or a certain mood or the nature of ... whatever. On pictures that are symbolic. Like this one here.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 23: Flower

Radiant Garden. Our lives. Our past. Our dreams.

Everything is gone.

The irony that it took two life ruiners in order to get my life straight again.

(or: when crying over a fictional friendship helps you to somehow save an almost lost real friendship.)

I just can't believe what an idiot I was.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 22: Hair 2/2

Don't worry. I'll be there.

Hair. Hair. Hair, I ALWAYS loved drawing hair *3* Especially if it's flowing and silky and awwwwwww. (I can spend hours and hours on colouring hair ... and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours) A KaKAO card again. :) Done with coloured pencils.

I was told that those cards seem bigger on screen then they are, so the second picture is meant as a scale. Note that this is already a maxi card, which means two cards in one. An actual KaKAO card is half the size. I plan maxi cards always in a way that they could be separated, but I seriously don't want to cut those two apart. Ever. =_="

"Come on, Isa, don't make a face like that. ... We're going to be alright, I promise."

Small thank you picture for all of you wonderful people who liked my last post @//u//@ I really didn't expect to get notes on that one. Don't know, somehow every single one of them feels like "Hey, it's good to have you back!" and no matter if that's what you meant or not, it still feels great and I love you all for that feeling x'D

Seriously, THANK YOU.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 22: Hair 1/2

(No, you're looking adorable.)

This is a pretty old picture (must be 2012). I actually wanted to redraw this for this prompt, but someone else already did something very similar, so I decided to do something else. Still I do like this pic, so I thought I'd upload it anyway. :D The second fill for this day will probably take a while anyway.

This was actually a scene I really wished for in an Organization 13 RP I had with friends a (long) while ago. I just wanted Axel and Saix to take a shower together OR ACTUALLY SOMETHING, but nothing like that ever happend. xDD Our Axel was waaaay to indecisive for it. I mean, when we stopped this RP it had over 76 000 posts – and Axel and Saix were no pairing yet. xDD And they were the reason we (or at least I) started this thing in the first place. Seriously, whatever. xDD

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 18: Misunderstanding

Keep your mouth shut.

I don't think there are misunderstandings in between those two. They are both hearing as well as understanding what the other one says. In my opinion, the biggest misunderstanding is within Saix, because he very apparently is not aware of what he's really doing. Or what harm he causes by doing it. All Axel does is defying to hear what Saix doesn't say.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 17: Prison

Strange, I just felt like - Nah, probably just my imagination.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 16: Jealousy

I don't even have the time to waste it like that. So go on playing with your little puppies if you so wish.

No new Akusaimonth fill, no. Instead something else that kept bothering me for days. Philipp Brammer, the german voice actor of Axel has died a few days ago. And you know, I didn’t know him, I didn’t know anything about him except for his voice, but still it makes me sad every time I think about it. It’s probably weird, but I can’t change it. I don’t even like the german dubbed versions of Kingdom Hearts (I was actually preparing a few posts about it before hearing that news), but Axel’s voice was among those few that I liked. Very much so as well. I mean I kept quoting „Kannst du dir das merken?“ at every fitting and unfitting occasion for years. Sometimes I do still do that today. And to know that this voice is just gone … really makes me sad. Thank you, Philipp, you did a great job. I know that I’ve got it memorized.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 14: Lies

"Are you kidding? You know as well as I do that searching through every room there is impossible." Do you really think me so blind?

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 13: Broken

All I want is to hold you. Nothing more – and nothing less. I know that when I do, I can pretend it to be us. Not just empty shells. I can pretend things to be fine, even if it is just for a moment. I can almost pretend to feel, because – I do somehow. I do remember how warm it felt to touch you, to be with you. That’s enough for me. But all you ever do, is telling me that I can’t. Telling me that it’s not true. That you can’t feel me, even when I am near to you, that it feels like a lie at best. That you don’t want me to touch you, because it makes you realize how false all of this is. How false we are. We don’t have hearts. We can’t feel. Then why does it hurt that much?

This was actually the first fill I drew for Akusaimonth. Yep, that’s the day I entered. I decided afterwards that I will do them in the right order and let that sketch be. Which was a good thing too, because it actually looked terrible. xDDD Phew, good to see that I got better at drawing those two in the last two weeks.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 12: Promise

If I were to fall, would you save me?

This is supposed to be shortly after they joint the Organization. I guess Saix could feel that something was wrong and he was going to lose himself even back then.

Well, noone came for him, when he finally did.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 11: Textures

Ah, what a mean topic for someone who's working in traditional media. I tried to figure something out for this one for days and what I came up with was actually very obvious: A collage with different textured paper.

This was a very interesting experience as well, never before had I realized how much emotions and memories I connected to different sorts of paper. So, there was a logical reason why I'd use which paper (for example a silky one for Saix' hair and a rough for Axel's) as well as an emotional (the band that connects them for example is made out of an really old paper that's terrible to draw on and even worse to cut, but for me it stands for some of my happiest childhood memories and a deep and genuine friendship, so it sort of fits.)

This pictue is an ACEO card. I don't know if you know about them, they are very popular in the german language area, but I've never heard of them from anywhere else. ö_ö ACEO cards (or KaKAO cards, as they are called in german) are cards in the size of 6,4 x 8,9 cm, which are made to trade or sell them. This one here is actually two cards, but I couldn't get myself to cut them apart so it will stay one Maxi KaKAO. xD

And well, I would like to give it away. After all that's the meaning of such a card anyway and I find the thought to send it to some AkuSai Fan anywhere in the world actually very exciting. So, if anyone would like to have it please tell me in an ask! :)

edit: It found a new home :D Yay!

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 10: Repentance

Thank you, Lea.

Read from left to right.

I highly doubt that gaining a heart again will be a pleasant experience for Isa. Lea, be a darling and HELP HIM.

By the way, I am convinced that Lea will return Isa's heart, I mean really why else would you give this character a keyblade? He doesn't even count as one of the seven lights.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 9: Flustered I guess, not everything is lost just yet. I actually spent all my free time of the last two days on this @_@“ (so much for my resolution to do small and simple drawings.) Urgh, I’m sorry for my handwriting. Page 1: Saix: Axel. Axel: … Axel: What? Spit it out already. Saix: Will you … eat some sea salt ice cream with me? Axel: … (processing, please wait.) Saix: Nevermind. Just forget it. Page 2: Axel: Oi, wait! You can’t just walk away like that! That’s not fair! Saix: … Saix: Then tell me. Will you? Axel: … Axel: Not as long you’re acting like that, that much’s for sure. So, no more running, okay? Saix: You mean … Axel: Of course I will! After all we’re still friends, right? Page 3: Saix: … right. Axel: Wait, was that a SMILE just now?! Saix: Oh, shut up. I guess Saix was trying to ask this question for days, if not weeks and that’s what happened, when he finally managed. Axel, who had actually almost given up on his friend was obviously rather surprised by it. (who wouldn’t?) He probably expected him to order him around or to say something mean about his (new) friends and well, when that question came he just decided to give Saix another chance. Because maybe, just maybe, their friendship was not completely lost after all.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 7: Fluffy /2

This is actually kind of old, I made this pic for AxelSaix Day in 2012, but I figured this'd be a good opportunity to upload it here. It's by far not perfect, but I still like it :) (I mean, look at Saix' face! He seems so happy ... x´D whyyyyy)

I know this is already on tumblr and I think that's sort of sad, because I never gave my permission for it. But whatever, I can't change it, I guess.

Aww, look what I just found! :D

I had totally forgotten about that sketch! But now, that I found it again, I remember drawing it. I was quite down back then, mainly because of all the stress from school (it was my final year and I had to do a really really big project, which kept me busy basically every free minute for the whole year). I started writing a list of all the things I would have wanted to do, but couldn't. (Drawing AkuSai was on it, yes.) Well, one day I just couldn't see that project or anything related to it anymore so I took a few minutes and did this fast sketch. And you know, it felt ... peaceful. Like a promise that all of this would end soon. It helped me a lot back then.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 5: Flames

It feels like those flames are devouring me.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 3: Black & White

I fail at drawing lying people. I do. And Axel looks a bit like Zack Fair. And Saix looks like he's going to beat someone up öAö uuuh whatever

You have changed.

Reeeeeaaaaally late entry into AkuSaiMonth. I didn’t realize there was such a thing until, well yesterday. Yep. And then my internet gave up. I guess it was just as shocked as I was.

How on earth am I supposed to catch up?!

So, Entry Day: OTP Quote.


I wanted to take something else, anything else, but you know, actually that’s it. This one sentence describes it just so perfectly. That's basically why I ship those two.

So I actually would have made a .gif out of a HD scene yesterday but for some reason I can't upload it. Well, so I did a sketch instead. With the only pens I had at that moment, a biro and a neon pink text marker. I actually like the effect though. x'D

I am planning on doing this whole thing. Every day I missed on Berserk Mode, wish me good luck.

a birthday present for my dad

One tired man and two babies

Fair enough. 🤣

Why does Axel sound so fruity?

Why does Axel sound so fruity?

So I’ve been scrounging through this old room in our house we just label the “antique room” and I usually leave it alone. But today I found these old photos from 1928 of my great grandfather Axel on a fishing trip “out west”. 

I wrote some tiny casual poetry and can only hope that Axel, in all of your current nonexistence, you can find it in that twisted shadowed grin to forgive my lingual ramblings. 

I have a personal grudge against Annalise, because she created her house in the spot where I wanted absolutely no villagers, destroyed my paths, killed hybrid flowers, snakes manifested physically in my house... but i still tried my best to draw her nice