Frustration - Blog Posts
Sitting on my couch, nothing at all is happening... I don't work tomorrow... But my heart is racing and so are my thoughts... Wishing I knew how to change my life so that who I am can be who I am, freely expressing and enjoying who I am... So I don't have to worry about the future... So I don't have to have an autopilot for worrying and fear...
"… It’s the only take that took 17 takes, and I never filmed it. I kept filming like only 10 seconds, 10 seconds, and when Ilet him roll till the end, Lee was just so angry with me and with her becauseshe was saying really strange things and not acting right, but Lee has to stay in character… So the 17th take this is, and Lee is so angry because every time I would cut right here (when Catinca draws the curtain open) and start it again, and start it again, and start it again… And I just didn’t realized how badly she was going to freak, and I thought she looked at the camera, and I was terrified cause I knew I couldn’t get her near him for 3 days after this. But what happened was she’s kinda like an ostrich when something really bad happens, like she knows it’s serious now because I haven’t filmed it till this particular point and he’s talking loudly. She’s freaking out and she doesn’t want to look at him, like an ostrich… She would just look away from him and just stood right there…" - Tarsem Singh, taken from the DVD’s Director’s Commentary.
Lee Pace in Character: Lee Pace as Roy Walker/Masked Bandit in The Fall (2006) (2/?).
Does anyone else hate how on fidgets with buttons some of the buttons are solid and a good texture, like one on a video game controller or something, and then the others are too damn soft? I hate the texture difference. It mildly annoys me when I try to use fidget cubes.
Tryna sate the Goro stans’ hunger <3<3 you’re welcome
Preview to a ficlet I’m writing for Transformers
This is in response to a Mafia AU with Humanformers roleplay my friend is in. I was submitting this in response to a prompt given for the RP for the part of roleplaying as Ratchet. The Prompt was: “ Optimus and Ratchet fighting because OP ignored a warning from him not to send out certain members and it ended up with some of them nearly dying and one currently in critical condition. “ It was pretty vague to give the writer the freedom to explore the possibilities of the scene.
I took my 3 paragraphs I wrote to get the part of Ratchet and made it my own starter for a ficlet I’m dubbing...
Whiskey Instead of Rubbing Alcohol
It had been ten hours since he left the medbay, ten hours of his hands deep in the gut of someone else, voice hoarse from barking order after order. It had been easy for him to fall into the adrenalin rush of having more patients than on-call nursing staff. The room where he had worked was freezing at one point but had since heated with the bodies that swarmed inside it like maggots to a corpse. In the chaos, he hadn’t realized how much blood had actually got on him and his once light blue scrubs were an ombre of reds. His arms still had specks of blood on them and he could feel the sweat still sliding down his face as he tried to calm his pounding heart. His eyes were thin slits as he squinted to deny the migraine that was begging to form behind his eyes. His shoulders were tense, boxed and seemed like a warrior getting ready to face off against an army he was outnumbered for. His breath shutters for what seems like the millionth time since he left the ward with all its patients in stable condition, and he bowed his head to rub at the bridge of his nose. Outnumbered like the men Optimus had sent into the fray with nothing more than a pep talk and some rushed instructions.
His teeth grind so hard together he could feel the sandiness of his teeth slowly being whittled away. His hand slammed onto his desk from his nose, reaching again for the large jack-daniels and pouring the open bottle into his glass. He threw his head back as he took the entire glass like a shot, the burn spreading like a poison across his tongue and burning away his anxieties as it scorched down his throat before sending one last devil’s cry up his nose. As it settled to melt his stomach, he sputtered a cough, moisture pricking his eyes as he rapidly blinked to clear his vision, sure of when his vision cleared the body of one of his patients would be lying dead before him. He ran a trembling hand through his now spiked hair, trying to smooth it down as if it would soothe him, but his anger caused his hand to clench around the ends and pull with a force that ripped a few strains from his head. The burn of vinegar was pungent when mixed with the copper scent coming from the ward down the hall.
His office was dimmed and the only light was that on his desk, the yellowed glow reflecting off his face and making him seem gaunt and sickly discolored. Heavy bags under his bloodshot eyes, staring blankly at the paperwork that would need to be filled out and filed later. He couldn’t bring himself to even recount in writing what he had to do to save those poor men- boys, they were so young- lives. His breath wavers as his shoulders shake with the manifestation of his frustrations and he shakily poured himself another glass. Occasional beeps drifted into his office from behind his closed door and it seemed to him as if the reaper was ringing his bell and trying to lure those boys to eternal sleep after all he tried to do to save them. He wouldn’t be surprised if at least three didn’t survive the night- but he hoped to any god above, if one existed, that they would all pull through. He didn’t think he could handle having to call their mothers with the news of their children’s youthful demise.
Frustration
I'm feeling more frustrated than usual. I spent the last few nights edging like crazy but not cumming. Then last night I did cum, full orgasm, but still felt very unsatisfied. My wife hasn't had time to play much at all, and I think that's the main difference. Just not the same without her. Not nearly as good.
I am not a ghost.
I don't have a job. I have always had a hard time making money. I will not show you my tits or do sexually charged things with you. I won't constantly stroke your ego. I can't connect you to anyone "important". I won't agree with everything you say or do. I won't laugh at stupidity with you. I don't think life is always easy nor do I feel that easy is always the best idea. No, I won't make sure to maintain a certain "appearance", I don't even wear make-up. While I do understand that money is a "need", waving your net worth at me will not impress me. I strongly believe in effort, learning, and making constant adjustments. I have often put a lot of energy into helping others but I have finally also accepted that I deserve acknowledgement and help as well.
I know. I understand. More than one human has explained that I am simply being too difficult and that's why I can't connect. I get it BUT, I also understand that I'm not invisible. Just because I am not one to conform to common behavior patterns does not mean that I deserve to be treated like I am even less noticeable than the homeless person you happily see as either a problem, or a way to feel better about yourself by donating to the charity case. I am very much alive. I too have feelings. I... am not a monster... or a ghost! I am simply different. I don't want to be medicated or changed so I can be more "normal". I just want to be me, and be accepted as human. Yes, I know... good luck with that. Humans can't even seem to get beyond skin color so why would I expect my list of differences to be accepted? meh... A girl can dream.
This... is part of why I get so uncomfortable sometimes. I have always tried, painfully so, to be a positive person. But, I am finding it harder and harder with time to be... positive. Why? The poor behavior that can be found close, out and about, and pretty much EVERYWHERE online, that's why. I mean seriously, the fact that signs like this are even needed is a display of the kind of behavior that makes it hard some days to brush it off and smile. I know it has become the norm to allow your electronics to think for you but dang folks... seriously? From where I'm sitting, we're all doomed but, I still do try... to be a positive person and at least not abundantly feed the ugly, nasty, YUCK that seems to be EVERYWHERE at this point. -sigh-- Okay, I'm done now.
Reading normal people rn and after three quarters of the book my frustration is so real, seeing Marianne's love interests so fucked up and Connell's misinterpretation of the situations is making me sick to the core. I still love being suffocated though 🫶
frustration
two versions
Look for a full body photo of Matt Stokoe where you can ACTUALLY get a reference to draw, is equivalent to successfully reach the grail with zero sins being an Orkey.
This means that is basically impossible.
Belive me i tried. And It was a nightmare. I wanted to die and not have to draw anymore.
This is so frustrating. Have any of you wondered why your local library doesn’t have eBook versions of your favorite book? It’s crap like this. All of the major publishers (and their subsidiaries -- so this covers a lot more books that you might think) put some sort of major block between libraries and their eBooks. This can include jacked up prices, limits on the number of checkouts, limits on how long a book can circulate before the library has to buy it again, embargoes, or some combination of those. Oh, and in most cases, the library can only check an eBook out to one person at a time. If several people want to read it, they have to wait, or the library has to “buy” multiple copies. (Yes, even if the limit is on the number of times a book can circulate. Doesn’t that make sense?)
What do I mean by jacked up prices and limits on use? Let’s take a look at some books that are popular now, just as examples!
The President is Missing by James Patterson and Bill Clinton -- $90 for libraries to buy the eBook. You can get it on Kindle for $14.99. You or the library can buy the hardcover print version for $15 or less. For that matter, you could buy the print version, read it, and give it to the library. That’s right out for eBooks.
The Outsider by Stephen King -- just $20.99 for libraries. That’s not too much more than the $14.99 Amazon is charging people. However, the copy that you buy (probably) won’t disappear after 12 months.
The Other Woman by Daniel Silva -- $28.99 for libraries. Again, $14.99 for ordinary mortals on Amazon. Do you think you and your friends could read it more than 26 times? Not if you’re checking it out from the library! After 26 checkouts, it goes away. But it’s still limited to one reader at a time -- even if ten people want to read it today (and use up almost half of those checkouts), they have to wait in line to get it.
Feared by Lisa Scottoline -- Are you ready for this? $60 for libraries AND it goes away after the earlier of 52 checkouts or 24 months. (Still just $14.99 on Amazon for individuals though!)
I could go on and on. (Just ask my family and friends who have gotten to hear this rant in person!) I just checked the top 5 New York Times bestsellers in fiction and nonfiction. All of the eBook editions suffer from these higher prices and/or restrictions on use for libraries.
Why? Because we cut into sales? Libraries buy a lot more print books than eBooks, even now, but we get discounts on the print editions. Publishers know that library sales mean more people reading their books and reviewing those books, talking them up to friends, buying them for family members, even buying their own copies later.
Because people might crack the DRM on the library’s eBook? It’s possible. However, it’s probably easier with a regular commercial copy because library eBooks are actually locked down more than individual eBooks. You can’t access an eBook that you’ve checked out once the loan period is over -- it’s automatically “returned” to the library.
Could libraries spend their money on smaller publishers that are less restrictive? Absolutely! However, those eBooks aren’t on the bestseller lists. They usually aren’t the ones that our patrons are asking us to buy.
I’m afraid I don’t have a great way for individuals to make a difference. (Mostly, I just wanted to rant because this is a topic I find extremely frustrating.) Joining Readers First and letting publishers know that you support libraries will help. Being patient when your local library can’t get the books you want as an eBook is great, too. If you have a way to talk directly with someone high enough in one of the big publishing houses, let them know that these restrictions hurt libraries, hurt readers, and ultimately hurt sales of eBooks.
Several library organizations and advocacy groups, including the American Library Association and ReadersFirst, have come out against Tor’s embargo. In a phone interview with io9, ALA president Loida Garcia Febo expressed her concerns that it could mean more trouble for libraries and their relationships with publishers, taking into account how hard they had to fight to get e-book access in the first place. She also said how unfortunate it is that the embargo is targeting sci-fi and fantasy readers, given how dedicated and passionate they are about the written word.
