When i was 13-14 i spent a whole year watching all 12 seasons of Bones over and over again (i think i managed four rewatches in total) spent my whole winter and summer holidays in bed watching this show day and night not talking to anyone thinking noone gets me the way bones gets me shes everything i want to be, i should probably become an anthropologist and NO ONE thought hey maybe we should take this kid to a doctor and get her diagnosed :/
When i was in 6th grade, my health/med class teacher gave us a project to interview another student we were partnered up with, and fill in their answers on a slide show(that class was really weird).
One of the questions we had was "if you could be any animal, what would it be?", and i chose a cat, because they have easier lives than peple, i like cats, and i (autistic kid) generally do relate to the whole "autistic people are like cats" metaphor.
THE GIRL i was partnered with, though, ON THE STUPID SLIDES, put my reasoning as "because [Birth name goes here] likes to be pampered". That is NOT what i said.
When i was 13-14 i spent a whole year watching all 12 seasons of Bones over and over again (i think i managed four rewatches in total) spent my whole winter and summer holidays in bed watching this show day and night not talking to anyone thinking noone gets me the way bones gets me shes everything i want to be, i should probably become an anthropologist and NO ONE thought hey maybe we should take this kid to a doctor and get her diagnosed :/
Me listing miscellaneous facts: How do I know that? Good question, how do I know that?
I actually hate how my aunts talk about autism not because I think they are wrong in any way but just because it makes me feel useless.
My aunt always talks about the “quirky” part of autism (I know that isn’t the right word but I can’t think of anything else)
Like once my aunt was saying her wanting her wedding day on one of a couple days she had in mind was because of autism but in reality she just likes numbers that sound good
Or they are talking about crochet and knitting and how executive dysfunction makes it hard but executive dysfunction means I can’t get out of bed in the morning and can’t eat food at all some days.
It’s so hard knowing that my mom doesn’t believe me and she sees me everyday and I actively don’t mask but she believes that my aunt has autism and only sees her at most once a week and my aunt shows a lot less “signs” then I do at home
I don’t know if this is a shitty thing to post so if it is please tell me
I hate:
How often I need to go to therapy
How my mom treats my mental health
How my mom reacts to my choice to set boundaries
How my mom reacts to my plan in the future
The fact that my mom doesn’t like me having in person friends because she needs to drive me
The fact that even my best friends mom sees my moms flaws
The fact that I can’t do what I’m supposed to for my age but my mom refuses to get me diagnosed with ASD so I don’t have any conformation
The fact that the only person who treats me like I’m enough is my best friend
My English teacher
That one bitch in all my classes
All the stupid things my mom yells at me for
The fact that my mom said “I worry about you but I worry about how much you’re missing school for this” in response to me explain that my therapist wants me to go back next week
In conclusion: I am burnt out and can’t distinguish emotions except being angry and missing my best friend. Everything else feels muted and hopeless
When a change goes from making you anxious to just making you pissed at the person who caused it
School sucks
It’s Tuesday and so far this week:
Someone had to leave class to puke in my block one class yesterday so of course I had a panic attack (#emetophobia)
I worked myself to death so I could finish mh project for social studies just for him to extende the due date because of 1 group
Math is killing me. I just do not understand one concept and I haven’t had a chance to ask my teacher yet but of course my brain is telling me I’m stupid and should be in the lowest level of math
Physics kind of makes sense but I can’t stand it because that’s different then it should be because I’m bad at physics so I don’t like that it’s different
My plan changed yesterday because I thought I had therapy yesterday but it’s today so I had to change my whole plan for the week
I was late to math yesterday and I didn’t mean to
The hallways are loud and I can’t stand it but I keep forgetting my headphones in my locker
The cafeteria smells like food. It is bad
My mom keeps yelling at me for taking a nap after school. I try not to but if I don’t I can’t do homework
I feel like I’m in a constant state of almost shutting down
⬆️Same thing with not being able to talk
There’s only a week left till a HUGE change which is causing me to only think about that change and not my schoolwork
I have a change in my schedule today as well which I dreading
My mom hasn’t bought the snacks I like so I’m grasping for straws for my lunch
I still don’t know how to regulate myself at school or in general and it’s causing me to freak out
My bus driver plays really loud music
My favourite podcast changed the picture that shows on Spotify and I’m going to go FUCKING. Insane!!!!
Edit: I still can’t listen to it
Y’all, what’s your favourite part of vacation. Mine is the pre vacation were I get to plan EVERYTHING
Intro post:
(Edited on January 12)
I’m transmasc, and aro ace (Aroflux (fluctuating between apothiromantic and Aegoromantic usually falling closer to Aegoromantic) and bellusexual)
I’m late teens and have autism ( not diagnosed yet, my mother doesn’t think I do (everyone else in my life does)
I love answering questions (about my social interests especially)
Big mouth
Armadillos
Crochet
Swimming
Futurama
Queer identities
Spider-Man (but only in film, focussing on Tobey maguire)
Trigonometry
Biology
HTTYD (but not as much as my bestie @grey-loves-dragons )
Umbrella academy
B99
Good place
Sitcoms in general
Squid games
Big mouth season 8
Squid games season 2
Exam season to be done
TFB tour dates drop!!!
@grey-loves-vikings @nick-the-dog @andrewgloubermanfr
Honestly, learning I’m autistic has helped recontextualize my childhood so that I don’t hate myself.